Shamed by HV for not exposing DD to a second language

As someone in a professional position she should not have made those comments and I would complain if you are strong enough.

The advice to raise a DC bilingual would be to speak to your DC in French all the time and let them pick up English at nursery/school. That would obviously be silly in your circumstances. Although the HV visits lots of bilingual DC, it sounds like she doesn't know what she is talking about. I would raise this, not just to complain but so this can be addressed with HV so that she isn't sharing the wrong advice with other parents.

Those saying it's not a thing definitely don't live in areas such as where I live where it's common to be fluent in at least the two main languages and also a good understanding of English . They will be at a huge disadvantage when they get to school if they dont.
It's also easier when little than learning later.

Just get her to learn the two or three words for each thing eg where I live a dog would be called "dog" "gos" "perro"

She will mix the languages up when talking but it doesn't matter, it all comes together.

Watch kids programs in both languages

I think I'm still asleep and imagining I'm reading this peak Mumsnet nonsense thread.

I feel like I've wandered into an episode of Amandaland...

Wtaf am I reading?
I'm struggling to believe this actually happened. I think you might have misunderstood, OP? Nobody is teaching their 1 year old multiple languages unless they speak multiple at home already.

"HV are to be ignored."

No they aren't. But what they say is often misinterpreted. Either accidentally or maliciously.

I would put money on a HV not saying that the OP should be speaking a language she hardly knows to her child and "shaming" her for not doing so.

Yes, I know that and knew it at the time. But when a health professional is using words like "backwards" and making out that they will have problems starting school, you freak out. A few of my bilingual friend mothers had the same issue as me but they were strong enough to tell them to do one. I wasn't!

I’ve only ever known this to be a thing when one parent is a native speaker of a language other than English. Then that parent only ever speaks to the kids in their language and gets the kids to speak back to them in it. I’ve never known it to happen when someone is not a native speaker.

She sounds a twat. One of my HVs was an absolute tool.
She told me never to leave a window open in the house (even during a heat wave upstairs) because babies were being stolen through open windows. This was in the UK and no they weren't. She also said that having dogs would give the children asthma.
Just smile and ignore.

This is madness - completely ignore the health visitor.

It is really important for children's language learning for them to hear correctly modeled language from a native speaker around them. It's the reason that second-generation children often still have accents/errors in speech (if parents speak English as a second language at home) and the reason that so many multi-national couples do one-parent-one-language (each parent correctly modelling their mother tongue).

Your dd needs you to speak your first language to her, correctly and often - nothing else.

If you want to put on some french cartoons or teach her a few french words for fun then go ahead and do that - its a lovely activity - but if you're both English living in England the HV is absolutely mental to think that you can raise a bilingual child!

Great username OP

@Skedaddledaway

Donde estas?

Was this Camden?! I had this and thought it was hilarious. Unfortunately I don't have any language skills whatsoever so I think she was suggesting I hire a nanny to plug that gap.

I’m skeptical. Are we using the word ‘shamed’ a little liberally here….

She sounds like a dick.

i could understand if you were a truly bilingual family. Lots of families I work with are bilingual because they have English as an additional language, for example. But if you’re an English person living in England…….you’re doing nothing wrong. Ffs.

What country do you live in?

Is Dad a different nationality and so baby could learn his language (if he's still in her life)

Otherwise I can't think of a reason.

It is known that billingual children will initially be slower to learn both languages than if just learn 1, especially if the languages have completly different structures, but by 5 their English will be as good as a child who only speaks English. So she wasn't completly wrong, but should have been clearer in her explanation.

After those comments, I'd be complaining about your health visitor.

And I'm a health visitor.

That's brilliant. Mine are at uni or in work so it's been a while.

I think you have to develop a thick skin - looking back some of the things that people have said to me including teachers, HV and midwives, as a new Mum people tend to come out with all sorts of rubbish to you and it really makes you question yourself. I was only pregnant once but if I'd had a second time I would have been a lot less vulnerable to the nonsense they spout.

lol

that’s my only thought on that one….

no changed my mind you should have fired back with

“ I’m sorry, but it’s absolute nonsense that I don’t expose her to a second language, for example, she’s been exposed to some fluent bullshit this very moment’

op , calm down it’s not a thing . If she’s exposed , great , if not , great ! Honestly there’s more important things

I think they do teach a second language from reception level now, I’m not sure to what extent though but many primary children I know are learning French or Spanish. They are at state schools.

What you are thinking of doing sounds lovely and fun. However, your HV sounds deeply unreasonable as they so often seem to be. Don't feel like you need to give her any headspace if you don't want to.

Absolutely. The HV who told me 'feeding formula was the same as feeding mcdonalds, OK occasionally but not every day' made me feel like the worst mum ever, especially as it wasn't my choice, my first needed specialist formula for medical reasons.
I wouldn't say it caused my PND but definitely contributed to it. Looking back I can see how ridiculous it was for her to say that, but when hormonal and severely sleep deprived, I took it to heart.