Shamed by HV for not exposing DD to a second language

My DIL has 2 small children. When the first was born I said to her that , after ten days, the HV would arrive. It would be a woman and she would arrive, probably say something stupid/ hurtful/ worrying and then turn around and breezily say goodbye and leave. "You'll generally feel upset and she will have forgotten all the comments she's made by the time she's back in her car". One of the peaches mine came out with was to walk in , look at my second son aged 18 months, for precisely thirty seconds , and announce that he was probably profoundly deaf. She then had to go but would refer him. She did refer him and we went to the clinic. He wasn't even a tiny bit deaf. Thankfully he was my second son and I knew he was fine. Had he been my first I would have been a sobbing blob on the floor after she'd left.

Come on OP you need to step up a bit on the language front! What are the chances that the next drip feed comes that you haven't even started on the calculus, holding back their creativity by are only providing crayons and paper, rather than oil paint and canvas, or, god forbid, haven't even booked the cello lessons.

Normally a second language is taught when it’s one of the parents mother tongue. If you are English then that’s what she learns. By all means teach her some french

As to the HV why do you go if she’s so rude, just stop

I wouldnt bother OP. Babies take in languages when they are really exposed to it. To be of any benefit and to stop them getting confused you really need to fully immerse them in it and have either-
One parent one language, or
One situation One language (eg French inside the home English outside the home). Otherwise it won't work at all and will be a massive waste of time. That's hard even for someone who is concretely fluent.

Why haven’t you out of interest?

Wow, you have some amazing HV - ours was only interested in the physical side of things! Don't you dare let ANYONE shame you! Dump your dd in a Alliance Francaise little week-end group - where we live, French-speaking parents had playgroups for toddlers and up until they were old enough to be accepted to AF. Better that than picking up rusty mistakes from a non-native, I think. Whilst they are in a playgroup with other French speakers, you can have a cuppa or read a book nearby.

Make a complaint. I speak fluent Spanish, but I haven't used it with DC. Your job is to love and nurture, not stuff then full of information.

Of course babies/kids can learn languages easier than adults. 2 languages is pretty much no problem for any child. Learning more than 2 languages also depends on the child/person: some kids take to learning 3 or more languages easily, they are very communicative and chatty. Others will struggle, as their talents are different, they might be great engineer who will never say a word.

I come from a multilingual family and we've been multilingual over several generations, different languages and countries. There are 2 tried and tested ways of getting a bilingual/multilingual child:

• OPOL (One person one language): typically you would use this method if you had a foreign language parent, ie. mum is French, so she speaks French with child, Dad is Japanese.....
• MLAH (Minority Language at Home): you would use this if your family speaks a language at home, that is different from the country's language, ie. British Expats in the Middle East.

It's just randomness of life, something you cannot offer your child.
If you live in a multicultural area, try and make her open to other cultures (friends, foods), engage in local initiatives, as a PP said maybe a multi cultural nursery ? All the best!

This is so incredibly batshit. I hope you told her so.

Me too

So much on mumsnet though seems to only happen on mumsnet

My 3 year old grandson enjoys counting in French etc but it's really just like a game to him and he's being brought up in a house with no TV/iPads etc and parents who have all the time in the world to work with him.
You're obviously doing your very best and the guilt that's being laid on you is just unacceptable. I'm not at all sure what health visitors are any more and maybe they don't really know themselves.When my children were young it was about ensuring that they'd met minimum standards of development.That didn't always make sense either as I remember my really intelligent Nd 18 month old son being asked to make a car with 3 bricks and just staring at her.
This exercise was repeated over a few months until he did it because he needed to meet this target before she'd go away.
Relax and enjoy your child.

I must be the only person on Mumsnet who has had a few HV appointments where they weighed my child and said we're doing great. No weird or outdated "advice". All very boring!

Sounds like mine! The opening shot for DC1’s one year review was “You’re not pregnant again ALREADY, are you?”. (I was not.) Other gems: when I explained we were having terrible trouble with weaning and had tried all her suggestions but he still wouldn’t eat anything I cooked - “Well, you’ll just have to MAKE him eat.” (Turned out he had ASD and probably ARFID.)

In terms of French, I’m in a similar situation to you and only an ignorant person who knows very little about learning languages would tell you you’re denying your daughter an opportunity. It doesn’t feel natural and you’ll teach her any bad grammar habits you have. I read books to DC1 in French and sang songs a bit. Less with DC2. I think it’s more about exposing their ears to different sounds at this age. I would only give it the headspace if you want to, though!

Agreed

either this op is making shit up
or
She does need support in RL for issues

Are you actually teaching her the language of the country your living in?

@CurlewKate ridiculous post. There are shit people in every profession and I have dealt with some HVs who should not have been in their role.

She's wildly misinformed.

Speaking your home language is really important, because they will pick up English at school anyway.

This.

She sounds like an absolute cow. Nursery is not inherently better but HV are obsessed with getting kids into the system asap. Honestly I think with some of what they see they just don't trust parents, which is understandable, but that is her problem and you shouldn't let it colour how you see your parenting. There are many great HVs and some bloody abysmal ones.

If this is actually what she said I'd be putting a complaint in. The only time I would think its a problem is if your not teaching your child the language of the country you actually live in. If you can teach languages when their young it is amazing they're like little sponges i know a trilingual 3 year old and its pretty impressive but that is because mum is from 1 country dad is from another and they live together in a third so it's more natural then kind of knowing a bit of a language

It isn't a thing and the HV didn't try to shame her.

The HV sounds like an idiot, I wouldn't be seeing them again. Most kids in the UK only speak one language, it's really not a big deal. But if you want to teach her some French start my singing some nursery rhymes to get her hearing the sounds and counting things in French. I think your ideas are good.

Also can't believe the HV said you'd be sending her to nursery soon as though that would be better for her than being with you! She sounds like she hasn't got clue.

It's very wrong indeed not to speak one's mother tongue/language you speak best to your child. The grammatical structures and vocabulary used by parents are a child's main language model and the stronger the input, the stronger the output.

Make a complaint

This is not a thing