To think that parents should send a quick individual thank you after kids birthday parties?

I need a designated adult in my life 😂

I am so shocked with the poll not even close to 50/50. 🤔 I enjoy the sending of the messages post a party. I think it can also help build friendships with parents you may not know very well.

Well I’ve done both approaches and the generic is much easier. Last year I made my 5 year old write individual thank you notes after her party. It took nearly 2 weeks to write them, some never made it home into bags and it was an absolutely ball ache quite frankly as by card 20 it had become a massive chore that I could’ve done without. No-one else seemed to go down that route so I have no desire to do it again.

This is why I think many rules of “etiquette” are such rubbish. I want you to celebrate my birthday with you? You MUST spend your hard earned money on a something for me to unwrap, and if you don’t I’ll think you are rude. And if I don’t thank you during AND after you will think I’m rude. Yada yada yada

@comoatoupeira why is it not as important to thank the hosts for the party for thinking about and catering for often 20 odd different kids though? It’s often a lot of work and expense and I know I put a lot of thought into accommodating different needs and personalities, likes/dislikes, trying to make sure games are “fair…”, party bags will be enjoyed, and make sure nothing causes upset etc. I feel that honestly needs just as much thanks as buying a book or something! I ALWAYS make a point of thanking parents at the end of a party, sometimes a message afterwards too.

(Also, I’ve been to very very few where there were more than 2 adults in charge! What a luxury!)

Saying thank you after a party or playdate is the norm in my social circle and at my kids' schools. There are one or two parents of course who never bother (usually the same people who pull favour after favour, but never return it).

Don't you just thank people at the party? When people go, usually the host says thank you so much.

We only write thank you cards/texts to people who we didn’t see on the day. Surely it’s overkill otherwise? When does it stop?

Everyone in our (very ordinary if not slightly rough) primary does do this. In KS1 it tended to be handwritten thank you notes from dc but we mostly stick with texts now. I didn’t realise it was so unusual.

They are a scene, in the sense that it's the same rite of passage in other countries but the way they are done here is very particular

But that's the point. The way they are done here isn't a "scene". You mentioned having godparents on hand to help with gift logging. I'm sure most godparents send their god child a host, but to attend their class party? Doubtful. There is definitely a cultural difference at play here. Kids parties here are definitely not a scene.

I think the only way to reverse this decline in manners is for everyone to start writing thank you notes again and 'shaming; those who don't!

We always say thank you on the day as we say goodbye to everyone. I would not necessarily expect a thank you beyond a verbal one. I think it’s implied and I understand parents are busy and do not need one more bloody admin task. But yes, we always say thank you for coming and for the present to people on the day.

I used to get my children to write individual thank you notes. Their friends all did the same. (This was 15 or so years ago!)

Lol, I now feel very virtuous because I send individual texts. All this time I've been feeling very guilty for not making my kids write individual thank cards. This thread has been most reassuring, thank you!

I think it's part of a general decline in manners.

I don't know how this happened but my kids (now adults) were brought up to write thank you letters and now they send texts, so it's at least something.

I always thank friends who send me gifts, both by text and I send a nice thank you card.

It's the least anyone can do if someone's made an effort to buy a gift.

Well, my parents or my husband's parents, sometimes both. My brother. If we're lucky, one godparent. Is that weird? I don't think so.

So at each of your children's parties you might have: yourself, your husband, both sets of grandparents, your brother and a godparent? So 8 adults?

And you're wondering why other parents, who perhaps don't have the same village as you, don't send out individual thank you messages?

Please come back to me when you've hosted a birthday party single handedly.

I’m with you on this OP. We had a party for my daughter 3rd birthday and invited 15 of her friends from nursery (we actually invited more but 8 parents never bothered to RSVP).
After the party I text every parent and individually thanked them for the specific present they had given to my child. It’s the way I have been brought up by my parents and had assumed it was the norm. Been to a few other parties since and have never received a thank you….one child snatched the present out of my daughters hand when she gave it to them and did NOT say thank you face to face and we got no thank you after.
All I can say is that I’m mentally noting which kids/parents are polite and which are rude and will invite them accordingly in the future.

Crikey, there were about 50 boys invited to DS's birthday last year. I honestly don't have the time to send 50 personalised messages, so they would all get a cut and paste anyway, and while he said thank you to everyone on the day I am not going to make him write that many letters.

A really gushing group WhatsApp message seemed to satisfy everyone. That and the party itself.

I send thank you texts to specific people when I remember or the gift has obviously been chosen with my child in mind. I could not give two hoots whether I am thanked by other parents (mums) because we are all so busy and harassed. I don't care if guests turn up an hour late wearing football strips and leave the gift at home. Parents (mums) of little kids are under an inordinate amount of stress and I empathise fully with this, being one myself.

hand it over is just normal language?

Well you've opened a can of worms here... One of the reasons I don't like to invite lots of children to parties is that I don't want my house full of more stuff, I wix they didn't bring presents but then I am not keen on turning up empty handed when we are invited! And the worst thing is when the children open the presents I have to make the effort to find out who gave what so I can thank them individually naming the present, especially difficult when the card is not physically attached to the present and they open it while I am not watching and even if I was I can not remember who each present came from... Personally a verbal thank you at the point of receiving the present should be enough surely. And most importantly, thank you for turning up and participating in the celebrations which is really what it is about!