To think that parents should send a quick individual thank you after kids birthday parties?

It sounds like another job for women to do. Organise party. Invite kids. Do party bags. Make list of who sent what. Text everyone a thank you etc etc. Why would you want to make life more busy and stressful? Your child attended and enjoyed a party and you bought a gift. End of.

Ah @comoatoupeira I think I understand better now. You didn't specify class party in your OP, I inferred that.

I do think there's a difference between class party and family birthday party. Class party with many kids and a load of mayhem, thank them as they hand over/place on a table and thank them again for attending. Family, including godparents, more intimate, a different story. In the latter I definitely thanked family individually.

At our school it's the norm to send a general thanks on the Whatsapp (sometimes a video/photo of a handwritten thanks from the child). If it was the norm to send individual thanks, I would do that, but it feels too fussy to do it if no one else does.

I don't think kids birthday gifts are generally carefully chosen and thought out - I'll admit to stocking up on generic aged appropriate gifts in the sales. So I don't really care that much how the child likes it - it will always be decent quality but if it's not their preference it can be regifted and that's fine.

I think you whinging about people who've been kind enough to host your child
sucks the joy out of it.

WTF, someone really said that?! Mum used to make me write thank you notes for presents a few days after my birthday and at the time it felt like a massive chore but it eventually became second nature.

My elderly godmother used to on send me £5 in a card every birthday, up until she died when I was about 33 and I always used to send a thank you card in return. She once confided to my mum how much it meant to her because nobody else she gave gifts too used to bother. So I'm glad it was drummed into me to do so as it made her happy 🙂.

Yes, this.

I think this more/less, comparison, effort/reward ... all of these ways of thinking, are sucking some joy out of these things. And contributes to the stressful 'scene' I was referring to (yes, I still think it's a scene!)

I think a lot of us would say exactly this about discussions over individual fill in the blank thank you texts vs thanking in person and as a group

@comoatoupeira But, when you thank someone at the point they hand a gift to you… you’re not really saying thanks for the currently unidentifiable object under the paper.

You’re saying thanks for them buying a present at all (it’s optional), the thought that went into buying it, the effort that went into wrapping it and writing a card, etc. Is that not much more important than thanking someone for the specifics of what is inside once it’s been opened?

It would seem a bit hollow and pointless if you’ve already thanked them for all the other aspects that are part of someone buying a gift. You’ve literally already thanked them for being thoughtful. It’s not like you think they’re any more thoughtful if it’s a particular item. Not all presents hit the mark, so everyone also getting a THANK YOU, HE LOVES IT! after it’s been opened would be disingenuous. It is actually the thought that really counts, and that’s what you’re being thanked for at the point the gift is given 🤷‍♀️

My kids have been brought up to be grateful for the intention, not just the actual thing.

Does it take a long time to choose and wrap a gift for a whole class party though? In my experience people tend to raid their “party box” of stuff their children have been given but don’t want, or already have, select the most suitable gift for the party child and wrap it. I could do that in less time than it takes to make a present list and send a text. (It’s different as they get older, parties get smaller and your DC knows the birthday child well - in that case you’re more likely to have spent time selecting an appropriate gift and I think individual thank yous should be sent.)

The party parents have already hosted your child for a couple of hours, fed and entertained them and sent them home with a party bag which keeps them quiet for a bit longer. I wouldn’t get upset about the lack of a personal text thanking me for the generic craft set / game / book I grabbed out of the box and thought “Little Johnny will like this”.

I try to do this but so often the cards come detached from the gifts and we don't know who gave what

People- write on the wrapping paper to x from y!

I actually think hosting a childs birthday party is a lot of work on the day, a lot of work to organise and most of all a lot of expense. There is a reason not all parents choose to host a party. So for that reason Yabu!

Also lots of people saying 'when they hand it over' ...This language is a bit revealing, I think.

Well yes, it reveals that they've handed a present over to the birthday child 😳

I stopped sending thank you notes after I read a post on here likening them to a receipt for the gift.

I think it takes a lot more effort and expense to hold a party and entertain lots of kids for a couple of hours than it does to turn up with a present. So while I think people should be thanked when they give a present, I think the party host deserves thanks more!

But you can see the thoughtfulness of them choosing, wrapping, and giving the present before they open it. That’s the thank you. So wherever it is, whether good or bad for them is irrelevant as you say, so why do you need that extra thanks when you’ve acknowledged it’s the choosing and wrapping, which they have already done. If they hated your present when they opened it, but had thanked you for the thoughtfulness of it, do you want them to say they don’t like it?

Most people are grateful to drop their dc off at a party 😆

I guess I'm more practical. They're going to say thank you for the ___ no matter what, so that text doesn't tell me anything about whether they actually liked the present itself.

"Thank you for coming and for the gift" means just much to me as sending the same form text with the blank filled in to every guest.