To think that parents should send a quick individual thank you after kids birthday parties?

My DCs also sent thank you notes to extended family members who gave them Christmas presents.

I agree. I’m always grateful to parents hosting a party. Whatever token present I grabbed out of the present cupboard in no way needs personalised thanks!

It’s such a bizarre take that some people really think they’re doing other parents a favour by hosting birthday parties. I don’t know a single parent that doesn’t roll their eyes when their kid is invited to a birthday party because taking them is just another thing we’d rather not be spending our weekend doing.

Well that would be a bizarre take but it's also not what anyone is saying. Birthday parties are not about the parents having fun - they're not about the parents at all. We host and attend birthday parties because the children enjoy them. They enjoy attending them for others and they enjoy having others come to theirs. The hosts are not doing a favor for the guest's parents and the guest's parents are not doing a favor for the host parents beyond the fact that most parents appreciate people who make an effort to make our children happy. And if your child gets more out of going to a softplay with just you than attending a classmate's party then just RSVP no.

We don't need to keep a bloody debt ledger for children's parties.

I agree. I have several children and have bought many gifts for their friends birthdays and occasionally just put money in a card. I have never once been thanked for a gift. It really is bizarre.

When my children are bought a gift I message each person privately to thank them for the specific gift.

Yes.

That is exactly how it's done here (US).

A general thank you is not at all sufficient.

The thread's about OP wanting personalised, not generic thanks for sending a present to a party that her child enjoyed going to.

The OP was not about hosts wanting gratitude for hoting the party, but replies have raised the fact that there's more effort in hosting than being the guest, and that OP's want is creating additional time/ work/ effort on top.

Well, yes, of course it is. That’s why parents attend these godawful things - to make our children happy.

My point was in response to those posters that have made the ludicrous claim that they themselves, as hosting parents, should be in receipt of unending gratitude because they’ve chosen (and it’s entirely a choice) to hold an expensive party. Children don’t know or care how much anything costs, and parents aren’t falling over themselves to offer up praise either.

But yeah, there’s no denying that kids parties are enjoyed by kids. That’s not what the threads about though, is it?

Declining an invitation is an option if it's that onerous, especially if it's not a close friend.

It's considerably less effort to attend a party as a guest (including buying and wrapping gift) than it is to host one (sort venue, invite, chase RSVPs, sort party bags, confirm catering, sort cake) Even going for the simplest party packages at organised venues (which I always did in the absence of a support team to assist with cheaper DIY options) is still considerably more time and effort than being a guest.

We do it because it's a positive experience for the birthday child and their friends/ peers enjoy it too.

Yes, and same w Xmas cards, they are always so impersonal (and often phoney) in the UK and then the waste of paper!
Where I'm from you only give a Xmas card to close family/friends (people you actually care about) with a lovely heartfelt message inside.
*sorry edited due to typos

My kids used to enjoy going to parties with magic shows, soft play with friends, craft or dance parties, zoos. It's kind of weird you think it's about whether the parents enjoy it. Most people are pleased for their kids to enjoy something rather than only thinking of their own enjoyment. If your kids don't enjoy attending parties or your own enjoyment is your only concern, just say no!

Writing a list? Half an hour of texting?

To what end…? Why are parents just wanting to create more work for themselves. I really doubt the gift giver cares about receiving a text that’s pure social custom with no deeper meaning.

I have never, ever, received a thank you card or thank you text for any gift, unless it was delivered by post. I only accept thank-yous in person in the form of a hug.

As a child I was made to call relatives who posted presents and say thanks on the phone.

We always sent individual thank you cards. It's basic manners. Most parties DC attended , they received thank you cards.

So churlish. It's about your kid's fun. Not yours

It's supposed to be the child that enjoys the party not the parents surely. That's why we take our kids to them. If your kid doesn't like attending parties just say no to them! Sorted.

Why are the parents giving the individual thank you? If there needs to be individual thank yous, the presents were for the children, the children can do the thank you notes not the parents.

My son once has an all class party (his choice not to have any more). I hired a hall, the mad scientist entertainer with rocket launch and goo (this was 14 years ago). Made the party bags, catered including for the parents. My parents were busy greeting and making tea and coffee as I was greeting/prepping the food/thanking for gifts/coordinating etc. So many tags/cards fell off gifts. I don't think any parent went away thinking we didn't appreciate their attendance (most important) and gift.

I’m going to be that pedant who points out that cell phones / text messages were not commonplace when we were raised - so texting a thank people is hardly some age old tradition.

And isn’t that what the treat bag at the end of the is for? Goody bag, whatever.

It’s such a bizarre take that some people really think they’re doing other parents a favour by hosting birthday parties. I don’t know a single parent that doesn’t roll their eyes when their kid is invited to a birthday party because taking them is just another thing we’d rather not be spending our weekend doing. None of them are special - we’re all perfectly capable of taking our child to a soft play/farm/trampoline park ourselves without the added awkwardness of having to speak to other bloody parents.

To this end, I fully think the onus is on the hosting parent(s) to not only have the most (if not all) gratitude, but should also make every effort to evidence this too. It’s their own child that is being indulged by the whole affair at the end of the day.

More generally than that though, I fully agree OP that it is just good manners to offer up a personal thanks for a gift after it’s been opened. It really doesn’t take much time or effort at all but it shows that the thought - however minimal - that has gone into buying the gift has been reciprocated. It’s what I was raised to do, and it’s what my child will be raised to do.

I agree OP, it's so rude to not even send a thank you plus it takes 2 mins! I took part in a secret santa this year with 4 mums of 5 year olds, it was a generous budget and I put a lot of thought into the gift I brought, yet not even a thank you!

I held parties because my children enjoyed them.
When DS1 had his first party, him being autumn born, and me being a F/T working parent, I wrote "dear classmate" on 29 invitations because I hadn't got a scooby doo of the names of children in his class. He didn't talk about school. He just wanted a party.

Hosting one was also a chance to get to meet some of the class/ families.
(That was pre-class whatsapp, but you have to know people to end up in a whatsapp group anyway)

I’ve always made mine write thank you notes in an age appropriate way that fitted with her abilities. So at 4 I would write most of the note and get her to write her name and the present giver’s name. At 5 I got her to write ‘thank you for my present’ on each card. At 6 I wrote down what each person had given her and got her to do a personalised thank you for everyone. I tell her that these people have gone out and spent their money on her and the least she can do is spend 5 minutes writing them a thank you. She does like to write though and it kills a rainy afternoon so I do empathise with those whose children might not be quite so compliant.

Agree OP though I would have the child writing a short note when able to. Usually did it the weekend after the party.
Very important imo to instil in children at a young age, a feeling of gratitude hopefully and common courtesy

Honestly, we’re all really busy working parents. Writing thank you notes is basically just a mum time tax. In our school no one does them and I am absolutely thrilled about that!