To think that parents should send a quick individual thank you after kids birthday parties?

Completely agree

Not in UK, and parties are smaller and more low-key here.

We start the party by sitting down together and birthday child opens each gift and thanks the giver. I make a point of praising something specific about the gift. Parents have usually asked beforehand what child wants. Value is €10-15, although we do live in quite an affluent area of Germany. Kids tend to invite 1 child per year of new age.

DS(8) gets a pep talk beforehand that his guests have thought a lot about the gift and if they get it slightly - or very - wrong, we say thank you because of the thought and time that’s gone into it. This has been useful with family members.

Presents are usually beautifully wrapped and, for older kids/adults, usually involve a homemade element.

Money presents are intricately folded into origami or otherwise presented in an artistic- homemade- way.

We just did thank yous at the time. No need for a written thank you when you've said it verbally. Especially no pint in the parent sending a text?!? The gift wasn't for them. Plus I wouldn't have had contact details for all the parents but maybe that's more normal now.

The biggest challenge is people who don't write names on gifts, an occasional child who spends so long on a nice drawing that they forget to sign their card, gifts just dumped in an unlabelled bag and other ways to disguise who gave the present. Despite that, we manage to mostly track down who gave what and send a thank you text that evening plus a couple of party photos. Sometimes the text might have to say "We got confused between the 3 Williams at the party, are we right that you gave X? He loves it!". The one whose mum didn't RSVP but brought him anyway, doesn't get a thank you because I don't have a phone number for her.

I think we get a thank you text from about half the parties, maybe 3/4. We get about one handwritten thank you note each year, always a girl, I'm not up to wasting weeks of our lives to force DS to do that at this stage. If there wasn't so much homework then I would for the writing practice. We get thank you texts from most party guest parents, about 1/4 within the hour and a few with photos, the rest after they get their thanks for the gift later that night (so no idea if it would have been sent without that). I always send a thank you for the party plus photos when we are guests too.

I'm not bothered about whether we are thanked or not by the parents who came to our party or whose party we went to, everyone is just trying to make it through the day sometimes.

A child saying thank you for a party bag when handed to them is fine, no one's asking for a thank you note for a party bag!! It takes time, thought and money to choose and wrap a gift and it is nice to have that acknowledged.

It takes time, thought and money to choose and prepare a party bag, too. Would it be nice to have that acknowledged?

I’ve always made mine write thank you notes in an age appropriate way that fitted with her abilities. So at 4 I would write most of the note and get her to write her name and the present giver’s name. At 5 I got her to write ‘thank you for my present’ on each card. At 6 I wrote down what each person had given her and got her to do a personalised thank you for everyone. I tell her that these people have gone out and spent their money on her and the least she can do is spend 5 minutes writing them a thank you.

God, what a drama.

I didn’t need to be thanked for buying the child a present after the party. We were thanked when we handed it over on arrival and/or thanked at the end when leaving. My kids got to go to a party, play with their friends, have party food and got given a party bag.

When my own kids had parties, I did the same, I thanked people when they arrived and handed over a present and thanked them again when leaving.

Life is busy enough when you have young children without making more work.

But they aren't hosting through kindness. They are hosting because that is what you do here. All of the children are invited. They are being kind to their own child, by making sure they have the same experience as their peers.

By the same token, OP: the guest's parent didn't get the birthday child a gift through kindness. They gave one because that is what you do here. All of the children bring a gift. They are being kind to their own child, by making sure they have the same experience as their peers.

But the party was for her child not for the children attending.
If I was giving my daughter a party it would be apart of their birthday present.

A child saying thank you for a party bag when handed to them is fine, no one's asking for a thank you note for a party bag!!
It takes time, thought and money to choose and wrap a gift and it is nice to have that acknowledged.

But you have provided the party (plus presumably party bag). Do you want handwritten thank you notes from the recipients for this? Where does it end?

No offence, but it sounds like you don't work full time? That's a ridiculous burden to place on yourself.

Stop trying to give already busy people yet more work to do. What’s the point of a note other than to give you some weird sense of gratification?

I have 2 children age 7 and 4 so prime age for kids parties. I write a list as they open their gifts and always send an individual thank you message to say thank you for each specific gift. In fact DDs recent 4th Birthday party I did a photo of her with each gift too! With family gifts they either call or do photos/video message.

I think i may have had a couple of people do this over the years but have no idea which parents do/don't so I'm obviously in the minority.

Life is mental enough. Presents are a part of life. I don't give a shit if I don't get a thank you nor do I expect an exhausted parent to keep track and text 20 different messages. But I've three kids who are older and have had about 15 years of parties..

I've been to 3 parties recently. Two parents sent a message thanking me for the present that evening. I was appreciated because I had spent time choosing the gifts and it was nice to know the children liked them. The other didn't say thank you on the day, the present was whipped out of my hands as hosts were running late (there was probably 8 designated adults at his one!) and there was no follow up message. I thanked them for hosting the party (even though it was actually pretty stressful - it was a toddler party with no entertainment, geared more to adults so I spent the whole time running around moving glasses off the floor etc).

I always send individual texts. When DD is older and parties are smaller I would encourage her to write thank you notes herself. A text minimum.

I was just going to say this. Of course children should be taught that it's good manners to send a quick thank you note or card - it takes five minutes to do.

I live abroad, the parties are chaotic, mine more organised than most. We throw big ones that last all afternoon sometimes with over 25 kids. The locals don't do birthday cards and don't put gift tags on presents...there's no way I can keep track of who gave what. I don't receive thank yous for the party and I don't expect them, surely the gift is thank you enough? They all say thank you on collecting their child. I don't send thank yous to the locals for the gifts as it's not the done thing, at least not around here...if I have exclusively English speakers I will send a general thank you for all the lovely gifts and I'll say sorry for not keeping track. As far as I know no-one has ever been offended! I wonder if they would be in the UK?!

Tbh, the whole class party I held was my kids first full year at private school. I was trying to ingratiate. Thankfully I grew past that

Yes @lookatthathorse, I agree. My apologies for misinterpreting!

As a child I was always expected (once I was able) to write individual thank you cards. As an adult, I still do this when I receive a birthday or Christmas present. As my daughter is currently too young, I write thank you cards on her behalf.

I think it would be nice if the eg 6yo wrote "Thankyou Matthew" or "Thankyou for my present" or "Thankyou for coming to my party" - maybe tracing over the letters you've written for them. Or a drawing with Thankyou at the bottom.
And as the parent if you wanted to you could also add an additional few sentances - "Such a lovely thoughtful gift that Matthew is loving playing with. Thankyou for being part of his birthday. See you soon x"

As a parent, you should 100% be there at the present opening writing a list of who gave what. And yes, you should also 100% be getting your kid to write a thank you note. It's not even that hard. You can create a generic thank you card and then just get your child to fill in a sentence about the present and why they liked it. Good manners are really important and they take you a long way but it's also important for kids to learn the effort other people made to make their day special.

And if they didn't like the present? Tell them to STFU and say thank you anyway. They can donate it.

Aha!

A lot of parents genuinely want a big group of friends/classmates to have fun together and put in a lot of effort to accommodate other kids (who, frankly, can be a bit of a nightmare). Yes the reason is a birthday but often it’s important to the hosts to make it fun and inclusive for everyone which is bloody hard work. Often, the only time you’d know whose birthday it was, was at cake cutting time in our experience (of somewhere around 100 parties…)

OP it seems like your take is: We have done you and your kid a favour for turning up to and enduring a party for your child, and also buying them a gift (remember, that’s entirely your choice both to attend and to buy a gift)… therefore, party hosts, the least you can do is send me a personal thank you afterwards for putting up with this shit on your kids’ behalf.

So, I think maybe the issue is your attitude to kids parties?! 🤷‍♀️

That was me at birthday parties and at Christmas.

I agree, it takes very little effort. It does require prioritising manners though.

I'm US raised with most of my family still there. No, this isn't some national norm for class parties even if it's the done thing in your particular circle.