To think that parents should send a quick individual thank you after kids birthday parties?

Surely a thank you as you get the gift and a generic thank you to all is sufficient thanks?! How many times do people want to be thanked for the same thing?

It's a nice idea in theory, but practically I've never managed it with school- friend parties. All the presents get piled up in a corner table, and not everyone sticks the card to the present with cellotape or it falls off in transit back home. So I never know who has sent what.

Mine have never invited the whole class I must admit but 8-10 friends and I have always sent a text to each parent thanking them for the gift and for their child's presence at the party with a group pic from the party. Some parents send a general group WhatsApp thanking for gifts which is fine to me but many don't which I do feel is somehow impolite but I shrug it of.

To me the most shocking have been some birthday gift demands. I always ask what the kid would like and most give an idea or specify a book/toy 10-15£. Then you got the CF who ask for gifts 30£ + or who ask for big gifts, think 100£ saying you could organise with the other mums. Which ofcourse means extra work and not everyone has the same budget and you might not know the other mums! It's the worst. Sometimes they ask for money towards a big gift which I prefer because easier but I would never do it myself because it would feel grabby. I always ask for (if asked) a gift in the 5-10£ price range because I don't want to penalize people on a budget.

We always send a thank you text.

intrigued what the big expensive presents are that some kids seem to be receiving from their friends? 95% of the time it’s money mine have received, we always give money as well.

We've always done this - it's not exactly a massive chore, and it's just good manners I suppose. Maybe we also do it because our DC are still really little (3 and 5), so parents stay at parties and one of the main reasons we host parties is to get to know the other parents from school/nursery.

I've had personalised thank you messages from other parents too, in the same way.

When I was little I used to write thank you cards to relatives, I can't remember about friends though but probably.

I agree, I always make a note of the presents and send a thank you text. So many people don't though, I do think it's a bit rude

Don't be so ridiculous!

If time was that tight, don't have a party in the first place

I'm shocked by that too.

Sounds spoiled!

Exactly!

My parents were feckless, immature people but thank god they managed to teach us great manners (although my brother seems to have forgotten it all because he owes me a thanks for my nieces present!)

YES!

My son opened his presents while I had my phone in my hand taking a note of who gave what.

It's really not hard.

You're just lazy.

I agree.

Whenever we host a party, I send individual thank yous for each present. I always try and shoehorn the name of the gift in the message too so it's clearly not a copy and paste.

Some parents don't bother and honestly it's so rude.

I usually find that by the time I go to bed the day of a party, almost all the other parents have messaged to say thanks for the party, so then I just shoot off individual replies to those texts with a specific thanks for the present. But I also do a generic group text, send some group photos etc.
There are still a few other families with whom we always exchange hand written thank yous. But to be perfectly honest I wouldn’t be offended or upset not to receive any thanks!

We managed to write thank you texts to parents for presents when DC had parties and it didn't take long as it was just a list. I made sure DC knew who to thank for what, as some of the children had gone to the shops and chosen his presents with their parents so I felt it was a good thing to teach.
One parent sent a photo of a big pile of presents and mountain of wrapping paper next to them saying thanks and that they didn't know who gave what. It is definitely a personal preference thing and you should do what you feel is right.

I don't text or write a card every time someone makes me a cup of tea telling them how delicious it was. I say thank you the same as myself or my son does if someone hands us a present. A verbal thank you is more than sufficient.

Probably less time than many spend scrolling on here of an evening. I had 3 DC and worked full time, single parent. I still found time to send individual thank yous. People may choose not to do it, but of course they have time should they wish to do so. Clearly many parents don’t see much value in it but glad to see that at least some mums of young DC are doing it.

I'm really shocked by this thread. For me it's not having 'having' to say thank you, but 'wanting' to say thank you.

When I did parties, I paid for a venue, food, entertainment, cake and party bag. The attendees, mostly, provided a gift. They thanked me and I thanked them at the end of the party. Why would anyone want more than that? OP, people like you are a bit of a menace.

It’s basic manners, and i’m very surprised so many think it’s unnecessary. Also shocking parents let them just open them all without knowing who bought what. Maybe it’s a generational thing. I hope my DC will feel it’s worthwhile. My friends and I always exchange messages on Christmas and birthdays (always on the day) to thank for the gift and make a comment about it. Do people think a FB post saying thanks for all the gifts excludes individual thank yous now?

I personally have always reached out individually to parents to thank them for the gift and thank them for coming to the party. With my eldest who is 31, it was thank you notes. I remember having to speak on the phone to relatives to thank them for Christmas gifts and I hated it at the time, but it taught me good manners. It doesn’t take long to reach out to 15-20 parents. Parents might say they don’t have time, but they do.

I don’t really see the point in individual thank you texts. An insincere “thank you so much for X. Little Arabella just loved it” written out to 30 individuals is not really any better than a group thanks. They are not going to tell you if they didn’t like it or that your present was tossed to the side after the Disney Lego appeared so it doesn’t really mean anything.

I send individual thank yous and now my DD is turning 4 and in pre school and then school this year I'll get her into the habit of thank you cards as think it's a nice gesture and she loves doing it for family

I used to make a note of all the presents and thank people individually. When they had most of the class to a party, too. Took fucking ages. 🙈 Then someone typed and printed a generic one and gave that out, then it progressed to adding everyone to a Whatsapp group for the party and sending group thank yous. I vastly prefer the Whatsapp version.

I tied myself in knots trying so hard when DDs were small, to the detriment of my own wellbeing at times. I'd counsel any parent of young children to be more "Oh, fuck it!' from the start and to not bother your arse with doing things like writing 25 individual responses. Life is too short.

I get quite irked by the lack of thanks for gifts, parties and meals. I accept that texts are now the norm and they are quick and easy. How difficult is it to text “ Thanks for the scented candle. It smells great in my bathroom.”
if someone passes you a cup of tea you say “Thanks” don’t you?
A derail, I know because the thread is about children’s parties. I’m not sure about that one. Kids go through phases where they are going to Whacky Warehouses and Jungle Mayhems every other week. Encouraging your child to say thanks to the parents before they leave is probably ok.

That's what the party bag is for

Then it's half an hour of texting, at some point during the following week. Not really coal mining

But that is ‘coal mining’ for some. No way would we have had even that to spare when our kids were young. If that was the expectation, I would have much rather said no presents up front to save the drama of ‘having’ to do this.