To think that parents should send a quick individual thank you after kids birthday parties?

My DS recently had a birthday party. Honestly I found it impossible to track after a while which present was from whom and it would have been very hard to send personalized thank yous for that reason. Obviously we thanked when opening the presents and I made a point to say how nice each gift was.

My 3 DC are teens now and we’ve hosted all sorts of parties over the years. Handful of friends at our house for party games, whole class parties in village hall, swim party joint with a class mate, a dozen mates at soft play or bounce park etc. DC would thank their friends for presents at the party and at the end when giving party bags out, I’d say a specific thank you to the parents at school drop off or pick up. That’s how it seemed to work when my dc were invitees too.

After about age 10 my daughters have mostly hosted sleepovers for 6-8 friends and open gifts at the party and thank their friends there and then. They love making the party bags for their mates too.

More than one person now has complained that their "thoughtfully chosen and expensive" gift didn't receive special thanks

Which definitely implies it was given to get gushing thanks in return and their ego has been bruised by this lack of adoration

But does it say on the present who it's from?

Here there's usually a birthday card with it and it's the birthday card that has the names on it.
Once it's put in a bag with all the others I don't know who gave it.

Dd does it, when presents are opened after all the kids (always a lot - usually whole class +) have gone home. Because there are always a lot of presents (too many!) she usually puts some aside for future birthday presents, so it’s necessary to know who gave what. But Gdcs always thank each child as the present is handed over.

As for inviting the whole class, obviously it’s often not possible, but IMO it’s nice if you can, since some children always seem to get left out. Until she was maybe 10, dd always wanted to invite the whole class, and decades later I still think of the little boy who said, ‘Thank you for inviting me to your party - nobody else does.’ 😰

I think it just means generic thank you card filled in as To You From Me, rather than a personalised Timmy absolutely loves his amazing felt tips message?

The mention of bread and butter did pique my interest too though. I'd love it if we did away with cards entirely and replaced them with baked goods.

Exactly! How on earth would I know the mobile numbers of every parent in the class? I know about six, tops.
I say thank you when the gift is put on the table. I'm usually the only hosting adult there as DH worked away. DC hands out party bags at the end and thanks each child for coming.
For family Christmases or celebrations, I do note which auntie sent what for appropriate thank you messafges or cards, but not to a class of 30 children.

fruitbrewhaha · 11/03/2025 22:20
My children used to write their own thank you cards. They would draw them too.
Plus a bread and butter card to the host.

What the ever loving hell is a bread and butter card?????

Parents should get their kids to write their friends thank you cards, that’s what I did when I was a kid

I sent texts to all parents after my son’s 6th birthday. I didn’t write down what everyone had given him, there a few that were stand outs and more thoughtful that I did mention specifically, but it was more a “thank you for comings to DS party, thank you for card & gift” etc.

I had most numbers as they rsvp, a few didn’t so I didn’t have their number.

Having said that, I’ve been to 4 parties this year and no one else has said thank you. It doesn’t bother me, who wants to text 30 parents. I don’t think it’s expected.

I agree it's a hassle, but that's what I do.

It just seems rude not to.

I do always try to do individual thank yous but for my DDs last party, she actually opened the presents faster than I could get who they were from and what they were, so it was just 1 thank you message in the group chat.

Quite frankly, I think this better as it eases the pressure off a very busy day.

You will be shocked to know OP that I never know who gave what... What with minding the kids, making sure things are ticking along, making my guests comfortable etc etc I never manage to note who gave what beyond the first few.
On the flip side, if you stay, I will feed you and water you (tea, coffee, biscuits, pizza, cake etc) . I hope that makes up for a general thank you?

I am genuinely thankful for all the presents, the kids love them. I do send thank you on WhatsApp but an individual note back borders on the impossible for me.

Yes it's rude. It's the product of the trend to invite large numbers, which makes the task of thanking individuals larger. But also thank you cards are dying out. I'm such a traditionalist for a thank you card. But no one else does them and this year I have had so much on that it's the first year I've done texts or video calls to family instead. I certainly wouldn't avoid thanking altogether, that's just rude!

I think people go over the top with kids' party gifts. My child received lovely generous things but we don't spend ad much on his friends, it's over the top for a big school party.

I think if you invite lots of people you still need to factor in thank yous and if that's too much then invite fewer. My sister had a large wedding but never even acknowledged our gift which was carefully chosen not to mention costly!

As long as they said thank you at the time of receiving it there's no point messaging people individually to say thanks. I've never seen it as the done thing to buy large or very thoughtful gifts for my children's classmates. I've always tried to keep it between £5- £7 ( maybe slightly more if it's a best friend) or put a fiver in a card.

Why the needs for extra fawning. You/the child says thank you very much when handed the gift. Job done. Got no time for individual messages/cards.

My child has had 2 of these parties! One at 5 and one at 10! I didn't have the telephone number or were friends on social media with any of the kids parents except one who is my friend anyway! I just make sure he thanks the person giving him the present at source!

Also my children say thank you when they're given the gift anyway!

I do a general thanks on social media, but will probably say thanks to parents at school pick up as I see them.
Thank you cards are so outdated these days.

Exactly this.

Yes, I do exactly this. Write a list of who gave what, and then send out texts gradually over next couple days.

Every party we have hosted and attended, we have received individual messages. Some are obviously mass sent 'thank you for coming and for Tommy's lovely present' and some are more specific, but whole class messages have never been a thing for either of my girls.

Of course we do. Anyone spending more than a tenner and 5 mins thought on a generic kids birthday is being silly.

As an aside….id just like to make a point. I used to volunteer with a children’s charity. I once asked if it would be worthwhile me buying some toys for kids birthdays. I was advised that actually one of the biggest issues they have is children not attending other children’s parties because they are so worried about not providing a present.

Message to those parents- MOST NORMAL PEOPLE DONT BUY EXPENSIVE GIFTS. MOST PARENTS DONT SIT DOWN AND ANALYSE WHATS BEEN RECEIVED AND SEND INDIVIDUAL LOVING NOTES! Please come to the party.

I have 3 children, held countless parties and lost my weekends to a ridiculous amount. I don’t remember having many personalised thank yous at all.

I agree with you OP and it’s really not difficult to do! If your child isn’t opening the presents until they’re home anyway, it’s not hard to keep track of and jot down who gave what. I always do this and then involve DC in the thank yous as I think it’s important they learn to show gratitude for the effort people have made. But then I think this new culture of inviting the whole class is ridiculous anyway, so I would never be doing it for 30 presents at once!

The last party my DS went to we didn’t even get a generic thank you message and we had bought a nice present related to an interest that I know from speaking to the mum, the child is into. I found it quite rude and entitled to be honest- as you said OP, where are people’s manners?!

How to say you have middle class privilege without actually saying you have middle class privilege...

YABU, we’ve always received a quick thank you or even a thank you card later. I always endeavour to do the same; regrettably I didn’t manage it two years ago as I was so flat out (and, as you say, it always falls to Mum) but other than on that occasion I’ve always done cards and/or texts.

Who are all you people spending time and effort getting a birthday present for a 6 year old you barely know? Don't we all head to the middle aisle of Aldi and hope for the best?