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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is he just being a tosser or is it me?

40 replies

MerryInthechelseahotel · 11/03/2025 17:34

I'm 65 and have just started online dating after not dating for years. So far I've had chats and coffees/walks with some men who have been 67 and 68 and it's been like dating my grandad. My daughter, tongue in cheek, says I'm being ageist! I don't mean to be but they seem so much older!

Anyway, I've been chatting to this guy who is 70 and he seemed much younger than the others in attitude. I was really liking his messages and was going to suggest meeting for a beach walk when he said his ideal woman would love wearing dungarees and wellies but equally would look gorgeous wearing the little black dress and STOCKINGS and HEELS! (My capitals not his). I was a bit snotty in my response because I felt it was so unreasonable. I think if you are in your seventies and are looking for a woman in their sixties then looking for heels and stockings is ridiculous. Do you think I'm being unreasonable?

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 11/03/2025 17:56

Yeah I mean it's really old fashioned stockings and heels. I third the Daniel Craig comment...I'd also perhaps consider giving him the opportunity to redeem himself seeing as you quite like the idea of meeting.

If he does turn out to be an old fashioned misogynistic twit you get the pleasure of handing him his arse.

Wingedharpy · 11/03/2025 17:54

MerryInthechelseahotel · 11/03/2025 17:50

Yes, I don't think I could meet him now. It's so difficult to know on messages. I felt it was really unreasonable but I see some of you think I'm in the wrong so I am possibly! I just felt a bit disappointed about it.

I don't think there's a right or wrong with this OP.
You are perfectly entitled to your feelings on the matter and if it's put you off - we'll, there you go - he's blown it with you.

Original poster
MerryInthechelseahotel · 11/03/2025 17:53

Haha I nearly asked him if he meant he was going to wear them.

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryInthechelseahotel · 11/03/2025 17:52

I know I'm 65 and not dead! I guess I'm past dressing for someone else's fantasy especially before being in a relationship with them

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 11/03/2025 17:50

I am in my 60s and I haven't worn stockings and heels for years. He would be barking up the wrong tree with me 🤣🤣.

I have nothing against them but I found them both uncomfortable and awkward.

Write back and say your ideal man wears them too.

Original poster
MerryInthechelseahotel · 11/03/2025 17:50

Yes, I don't think I could meet him now. It's so difficult to know on messages. I felt it was really unreasonable but I see some of you think I'm in the wrong so I am possibly! I just felt a bit disappointed about it.

OP posts:
Frostingle · 11/03/2025 17:49

Wear the stockings, heels and sexy lingerie .. you're 65 not dead. But wear them for you! Not any man.

ChewbaccaAteMyHamster · 11/03/2025 17:48

I think what he was trying to say was that he loved a woman who was comfortable to wear wellies and dungarees, and was laid back, but also loved it equally when they made an effort to look nice and dressed up. I think he was attempting to be a bit 'playful' and a bit like 'there is life in the old dog yet' but it seems it has backfired on him and he has given you the ick.

TBH it wouldn't put me off meeting him. If the other chats have been good and you have otherwise enjoyed his messages then there would be no harm taking a walk and getting a coffee together to suss him out further. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that.

Edited to add: Nothing wrong with heels and stockings in your 60's if that is your thing. You are not dead yet!!

Radiatorvalves · 11/03/2025 17:48

I agree with the Daniel Craig comment.

GreenFrogYellow · 11/03/2025 17:46

Creepy.

Wingedharpy · 11/03/2025 17:46

Was it just a clumsy way of saying "I don't really care what you wear"?
Difficult to know without knowing what the rest of the chat was about.
Meet him for the beach walk - in your dungarees and wellies, obviously - then take it from there.

AcquadiP · 11/03/2025 17:44

MerryInthechelseahotel · 11/03/2025 17:34

I'm 65 and have just started online dating after not dating for years. So far I've had chats and coffees/walks with some men who have been 67 and 68 and it's been like dating my grandad. My daughter, tongue in cheek, says I'm being ageist! I don't mean to be but they seem so much older!

Anyway, I've been chatting to this guy who is 70 and he seemed much younger than the others in attitude. I was really liking his messages and was going to suggest meeting for a beach walk when he said his ideal woman would love wearing dungarees and wellies but equally would look gorgeous wearing the little black dress and STOCKINGS and HEELS! (My capitals not his). I was a bit snotty in my response because I felt it was so unreasonable. I think if you are in your seventies and are looking for a woman in their sixties then looking for heels and stockings is ridiculous. Do you think I'm being unreasonable?

I would have replied that my ideal man would have a six pack and look like Daniel Craig. Two can play that game..🤣

CharlotteSometimes1 · 11/03/2025 17:41

YABU what’s age got to do with what you wear?

GoldDuster · 11/03/2025 17:41

Well, I think the capitalisations were out of order, and he's jumped the gun with bringing it up before you've even met, and that would put me off him, because he's clearly not learned to read the room in his seventy years, but I do not think it outrageous to be wearing stockings and heels in your sixties if that's what does it for you and your partner.

HoldingThePoisonDown · 11/03/2025 17:38

Ewwww. Nope. YANBU. It would give me the ick.