Is he just being a tosser or is it me?

But he didn't necessarily mean it as underwear in the bedroom sense. Little black dress stockings and heels was fairly standard dressing up for a night out when he would have been younger, so in effect he is saying he likes a woman who is happy to be casual but also make an effort on occasion. I am not yet 65 but I know very well every time we had an Xmas party or some other party of that nature a new Little black dress was purchased, often only worn once because if you hadn't changed jobs you didn't want your work mates to think you only had one dress. This was standard for almost all my female friends much to the bemusement of our partners who invariably couldn't even remember what we had worn the previous year.

The fact that he included the dress not just the heels and stockings definitely changes the meaning

I think the point was ..they're only chatting and he's already getting a little intimate

Yeah this. You've not met the bloke yet and already he's making lewd comments about what sort of underwear he would like to see you in.

I get it may be slim pickings for blokes in this age bracket, but just because he's older I don't understand why some posters seem to think it's appropriate to give him carte blanche to ignore decent standards of behaviour.

I agree with this comment tbh. I feel like you're being a little hypocritical here by saying you don't want to date grandads who are old before their time ... then when you get someone who is showing interest in staying young, you respond by saying you're too old for this now. (No offence meant btw).

I don't think he's being overly pervy, he's letting you know that he would like to be with someone who feels comfortable in her own skin - whether this is covered up or uncovered. He's letting you know what he likes and you can pursue a date or not.

I don't see how it's too offensive tbh. He's telling you there's life in him yet... which is what you wanted???

You could always tell him that his comment made you a little uncomfortable as it moved too quickly?

I am on the fence with this one a bit.. Stockings and heels would have been considered quite a normal thing for a bloke to be liking seeing a woman in when he would have been younger and dating so nothing really strikes me as creepy with that.

And is hoping for a woman in her early sixties to be able to wear heels any worse than saying men of 65 are like grandfather's when in all likelihood most of them are?

it's a shame to give up on him for a comment that could be interpreted in various ways, specially if the other guys are too old, and apparently this one is too 'sprightly'? I quite like stockings etc, it's fun, sexy, and specially as he's not demanding it, but perfectly happy with dungarees too. It's not as bad as the guy I met who required hairless 'bits'!!!

I don’t know, I think maybe at 60 odd you just think fuck it, what have I got to lose, i’ll be honest - I like women looking rugged and outdoorsy and also like ‘sexy’ underwear in the bedroom.
Some younger people might not be so forward maybe?
I don’t think it’s too bad really but you’re under no obligation to meet up if you don’t fancy it at all.

I hate it when guys start to pull this seedy shit, no matter what age they are.

I'm 64 and so out of practice with stockings and heels that I'd look like Norah Batty with bunions if I tried to walk in them. A man should assume that a woman knows how to 'dress up' without being prescriptive about what that should entail, surely?

And I agree that all men in my age group are so old! All they seem to want to do is go for slow walks, and then sit down and watch TV! Where is their get up and go? (Wasted on dreaming about women in stockings and heels, obviously...)

Maybe but the way he expressed it in capitals and before you’d even met would personally give me the ick. He gives immature and lack of self awareness. I’m 52 and would not entertain that. There’s no right or wrong in these cases as perhaps he could be great but sometimes you just have to follow your gut!

nope, ick ick ick

The capitalisations were added by the OP, not the fella she was messaging.

Mmmmm Pringles [misses point of thread]

I suspect that he was just trying to say that his ideal woman is one who likes doing outdoorsy stuff like muddy walks but also getting dressed up for dinner at a posh restaurant - as opposed to someone who only likes one or the other. It's not really an age thing. It doesn't come across to me as someone saying 'I expect you to dress up as my fantasy' at all.

I think he expressed it a bit clumsily but a) a lot of men are clueless about clothes and what getting dressed up for an evening out really is, and b) I suspect he's just a leg man and therefore that was the first thing he thought of.

However, it obviously put you off and that's totally fair enough! If someone annoys you as early on as that, it generally suggests that things weren't going to work, so honestly, don't give it a second thought. You'll find yourself a youthful 60-something soon who doesn't remind you of your grandad, I'm sure!

Should have told him your idea man would have washboard abs and be hung like a tube of Pringles.

A guy liking stockings and heels doesn't automatically make him a perv 🙄Okay, maybe he shouldn't have dropped that out before they had met but like I said, he was maybe trying to go for a playful feel and got it a bit wrong.

I personally wouldn't write him off and tag him as being a perv before at least meeting him and sussing him out.

OP, I'm 67. The thought of dating an "old man" does not appeal in the slightest. The idea of looking after one appeals even less. If my husband had lived to old age (he died in his 40's) I would have cared for him with all my heart, but the thought of being lumbered with basically a strange elderly bloke is a firm no from me.

So he's a leg man? He's trying to say he likes women who are ok with looking sexy sometimes maybe and he likes nice legs. It's it's bit icky but tbh I wouldn't think it was that awful. Considering his age. If there's lots of other things to like then maybe he's alright? But equally of course you shouldn't date him, never mind wear heels etc just because he wants it!

If you have regrets it’s not too late to message him saying that. Nothing to lose. If you don’t like him in real life you don’t have to see him again.

I mean on the one hand its good that he isnt doing the usual thing of writing you off as too old for him! But on the other hand, any man of any age saying things like that would give me the massive ick, so YANBU.

I might be a bit disappointed with a guy saying that before we had met. I've never dated someone in their 70s though- would guys that age still want casual from dating sites? If a guy said that sort of thing before meeting it would make me question how genuine they were, but does that apply at his age?

Unusually for me, I don't actually see much wrong in this. I'm assuming he wants a sexual relationship as part of his dating life, and so I'm not sure there's much wrong with sharing what he finds attractive with you. His tastes might be old school, but he's entitled to have them. If he'd have said he wanted you to turn up wearing them that would have been entitled and a presumptuous over step, but he only said he liked the look. As for the age thing, I'd take a man in his 70s attracted to an older woman in stocking and heels all day long over one who perved over young women in them.

And i think you're being generous with that description, personally I think he comes across as a bit of a perv