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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If my dc doesn't go on the y6 residential?

189 replies

cadburyegg · 11/03/2025 17:24

Y6 residential coming up in the next few months- 2 nights away. At the moment ds1 is adamant he doesn't want to go, as he doesn't want to be away from me. He's always been quite anxious, but has got a lot better as he's got older. He is used to staying away from me as he stays with his dad EOW but he would still rather stay with me. He has never been on a sleepover at another child's house nor had one at ours, he has no interest in doing so.

I am going to try and encourage him to go as much as I can, talk to him about the activities (which I know he would love) but I'm not going to force him. There is a lot of talk amongst other parents in the class WA group about getting their kids ready for staying away, with some other parents planning on booking hotels nearby so their child can stay with them at night then still do the activities during the day. This would be the best option for ds1 I think but I have looked and the cheapest hotel would still be £250+ which isn't really affordable when the cost of the residential is £240 as it is.

I would also need to take 3 days holiday from work which would also be tricky as that is right at the end of my leave year. And there is ds2 to consider - he'd have to stay with my mum for 3 nights which would be disruptive to him and a lot to put on my mum. Basically me staying away with him just isn't an option.

But I keep hearing all about the experience and how amazing it will be for the kids and how awful it will be for the 1/2 kids (out of the year group of 60) who stay behind and stay in a different class.

I just don't see how I can make it work. AIBU if ds1 just doesn't go, assuming he doesn't change his mind?

OP posts:

tallhotpinkflamingo · 11/03/2025 17:53

He's not going to be missing out on anything, it's going to be far more problematic all round when you have to pick him up early. Best just not to go.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 11/03/2025 17:47

What is the deadline for deposit/payment for the trip? Is there enough time to try and arrange sleepovers, work with and on him, big up the activities etc?

Is it too far away for you to drive and pick him up and night and drop him off in the morning?

Does he have any really good friends? Are they going?

Masmavi · 11/03/2025 17:36

Your child doesn't want to go. He's not dithering, he's very clear. There will be other trips in secondary school he might want to go on. Maybe not, his choice. This is not such an amazing experience that he'll always regret not going. You don't need to do anything. Good on him for knowing what makes him comfortable and happy!

ExtraOnions · 11/03/2025 17:33

Booking a hotel nearby ?? These kids are off to High School soon, they’ll need a bit more resilience than that.

Saucery · 11/03/2025 17:32

YANBU . Children feel comfortable with residentials at different ages and that’s fine. I think it’s a bit ridiculous for parents to book hotels tbh, but there might be SEN involved, in which case it’s more understandable (we’ve had a residential less than an hour away from school where some children with SEN came for the activities but didn’t stay the night).
Encourage your DS, listen to his reasons in case there’s any worries you can dispel, but accept his decision.
We always have one or two children who don’t attend our residentials for various reasons - they get fun jobs around the school and no fuss is made that they aren’t going. Any teasing about them not going is firmly addressed.

Hummusanddipdip · 11/03/2025 17:32

The children who don't go won't be missing out. The school I'm at plan 3 days of activities for them.

There will be anything towards half the year group left behind, he won't be a minority and he won't miss out either.

Moonnstars · 11/03/2025 17:31

The other parents sound crazy, they go or they don't! Talk to the school about it. They can also talk to your child about it and show photos, and help reduce anxiety.
Ultimately if they don't want to go they don't have to (though be prepared that they still have to go to school, year 6s have then help out in reception class at our school).

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/03/2025 17:30

SwanRivers · 11/03/2025 17:27

How can you be unreasonable if your child doesn't want to go?

I'm surprised they allow families staying in hotels and dropping the kids off/picking them up.

They didn't allow it when my kids were at school. It was either a 5 night residential or nothing.

But if the school/residential centre is ok with it, then it might be your best bet.

It’s not her best bet, she explained several reasons why it’s not possible for her to stay nearby.

Twittable · 11/03/2025 17:30

I’d ask school if they think he wants to go. They might have a different perspective. He will miss out on activities, true, but he won’t miss much else as usually these trips are for bonding the year group and they will all soon be off to secondary.

I’ve had 3 children do the year 6 trip and 2 not - hasn’t had the slightest effect on them! Hope this helps.

biscuitsandbooks · 11/03/2025 17:30

I'm surprised the school are happy for children to be picked up and taken to a hotel - surely the options should be to go and participate in full, or miss out?

If he doesn't want to go then that's fine OP.

Penguinmouse · 11/03/2025 17:28

When do you have to decide/pay by? Have you explained that once this deadline passes, he won’t be able to go if he changes his mind? Would it be feasible to pick him up from the residential if he was hating it?

Bigearringsbigsmile · 11/03/2025 17:27

He's year 6! The parents suggesting staying in hotels are bonkers. Either he goes or he doesn't go would be my approach I'm afraid.

Therealmetherealme · 11/03/2025 17:27

My daughter chose not to go on a residential in yr 5 and 6. She's also decided not to go on trips in yr 7. It's made no difference to her education or friendships. My daughter went to school on those days, either going into another class or being taught with others who weren't going. It wasn't awful, just another day and talk of the trip soon ended and it was quickly forgotten. Ask the school what the plan is for those not attending?