If my dc doesn't go on the y6 residential?

"some other parents planning on booking hotels nearby so their child can stay with them at night then still do the activities during the day"
Wowsers. Even for a SEN child..........unless there is a specific need/medical need........that seems OTT to me.

Is he nervous to stay away or to leave you alone?
tbh it’s not unusual for a child not to have slept away from home yet.
I think it’s incredibly sad to miss out- and those hotel parents sound crazy and if I was the school I would say they either come and stay or don’t go.

Have they not done residentials before? DC's school did them from Y3. He also went on cub camp from that age

I think the staying in hotels is ridiculous, and probably very much fuelled by the parents rather than the DC, unless SEND or medical need is involved.

Before DS did his first cub camp he did a sleepover with his best friend, who would also be on cub camp, so they could get used to sleeping away from home. is there any particular friend you could trial this with?

I assume you would have had to start doing payments for the trip soon

DS2 didn't do his year 6 residential. He's always been a homebody and we'd not long come out of lockdown and we'd lost my mum only a couple of months previously. There were quite a few that didn't go and they had a great time doing stuff in school. One of the teachers mentioned that he'd flourished in a smaller group.
He did go on his year 8 residential though and enjoyed it. I don't think they need to be encouraged or pushed into going if it's not their thing.
And there's no way the school would have allowed them to leave overnight except in exceptional circumstances. You either went and stayed, or didn't go.

The hotel idea is madness. Your DS either goes or not. If he is adamant not, then you still take him into school and they have to make provision. He doesn’t get time off instead, but you don’t have to try and force him.

I can't believe the parents are allowed to do that either. What a faff! I would take that option straight off the table - even if it worked for you logistically it's just a bit silly (unless medical needs etc of course)

I think he's old enough to know his own mind. Can you take some of the £240 you'll save and take your kids to do something super fun with it? Rock climbing or kayaking or something they'd be doing while they're away?

Two kids in my daughter's class didn't go to their P7 trip (I'm in Scotland) and I can't even remember who they were. It didn't matter 'except' I raised it with the PTA in case it was financial reasons which we could have helped with.

My daughter has anxiety and it's hard to figure out when I should push and when I should let her decide so I understand the issue. But I think this is something you can miss if he's not keen as it's so many days away and a big problem if he's needs to leave halfway through.

Way to show you have no concept of Sen 🙄

I think as your DS is clear, then he should not go. A pity, use the move to a new school in year 7 to try to build up some resilience so he does not continue in later school years never wanting to be away from family under any circumstances.

The parents staying in nearby hotels (unless SEN) have real issues and I am glad I know of no-one who would ever have done such a thing.

There’s a bit of me that thinks the booking a hotel re- enforces the idea that the residential is a scary thing. Either go or don’t, but creating a big thing about it and booking a hotel seems madness to me.

You definitely need to be talking it up positively, assuming he’s going etc. although i can see you wouldn’t want to force him.

What strikes me as odd is a significant proportion of the year group are not going or having special arrangements? In our schools the children are going away for a night or two from Y3. Not going is very unusual and parents definitely don’t book hotels. by Y6 there’s an optional week-long trip (as well as an 4 night residential) and it’s hugely oversubscribed.

Don't send him. I didn't send my DS as he didn't want to go. He's now at university and this trip/lack thereof is completely irrelevant. IMO you need to parent the child in front of you, with your own skills/logic/insight - not some idealised or standard child that society/the school thinks you have.

Parents staying at nearby hotels? wtf? That’s just bizarre and no way would our school allow the children to come and go like that. That’s so strange. They either go or they don’t.

Exactly my approach.

Madness, there's no way I'd be booking a hotel nearby (unless there were specific medical issues and the child couldn't go otherwise).
I might be cruel but don't make a big deal out of it and just send him, you'll be doing him a favour in the long run.
Can't believe half the year 6 class don't want to go! My DD is year 5 and can't wait to go on her residential in June

Never heard of families staying in nearby hotels utter nonsense. If he don’t want to go don’t force him,but they do have a brilliant time with all the activities

I'm amazed that this is a thing too.

Resilience???

Another sign of the times.

I also worked hard to make sure my DC’s attended Beavers/Brownies etc so that they had the opportunity to attend a one night sleepover, before they did 4 nights.

Parents also need positivity and resilience, supporting their DC’s to attend. Surely by staying in a hotel locallym children are set to fail are the option is provided to leave the residential. Self fulfilling prophecy and all that!

Never heard of year 6 residential kids having parents stay nearby so they can join them - bonkers (with exception of disability) - its either go or dont go - your son clearly doesnt want to go so dont force him. My child did PGL in year 4 - 4 d 3 n, same in year 5 and now in year 6 will do 6 days 5 nights, my other child is yr 3 and will do 2 d 1 n this year. Ive never forced - but always encouraged. Go with whatever your child feels comfortable with.

This. And if he regrets his choice later, that's also a lesson. It will be a lovely 3 days if he has a good group of friends and is naturally inclined to the outdoors and the sleeping accommodation is suitable in a monsoon. My DD's school starts them with 1 night in Year 4 [parents are super hyped], 2 in year 5 and 3 in year 6. It generally all goes well unless it's a camping year and the weather is shit.

You and your ex need to be on the same page on this though. No good if you have differing views. That will just add stress to him.

I wouldn't for a second consider a 3 day stay in a hotel to facilitate this as a day trip. What you do need to consider is you are on call if he becomes unwell or needs hospital treatment so you or your ex need to be able to pick him up several hours away and have care for your other child.

Hotels? All my three went on residentials from yr 3 onwards and I have never heard of parents staying in hotels, I don’t even think it would be have been permitted.

I think that it would be either go or don't go. The hotel is ridiculous and I would be v surprised if the school allowed this. I think it is fine for him not to go. Yes he might feel a bit left out when his peers are getting excited about the trip but he will be fine in another class during the trip. There are always some kids who don't go.

He doesn't want to go. Leave it at that. So what if he misses a few activities? In the whole scheme of things its not a big deal. He has made a choice not to go so respect it. He needs to know you have his back. Just make sure he realises what he will be missing out on if he decides not to go but ultimately that it is his decision. He knows his own mind at that age.

Those parents staying in hotels and dropping off and picking up each day is that really allowed? Sounds bonkers to me! When mine were that age they either went or they didn't. End of. My eldest always wanted to go to these things, my youngest didn't go to any. Neither of them were negatively affected by their choices.

With exceptions for disabilities, send or mental health etc, like diagnosed severe. Anxiety parents staying in nearby hotels to be close or to let their children stay with them is , in my opinion, pathetic and won't encourage independence of children.

Ours is a 30 min drive so we are commuting but my son is disabled so slightly different.

Every school will do things differently but a few options are-

Children not going become a small class and have lessons

The visit is staggered so half year go a few days then the other half go so kids who don't go stay with their year group

Children are integrated into year 5 for those days.

You need to speak to school but on my experience there's usually 3/4 kids that don't go for various reasons

I’m really surprised so many parents are booking hotels nearby. I would not be doing that unless my child had a medical need and so I needed to be nearby. I would say if he chooses not to go overnight, he doesn’t go at all. My son loved his year 6 residential and my daughter is excited for her year 4 one next week. Not all children went when my son did his and I think they were a bit left out of conversations about the best parts of the trip (mostly midnight feasts etc so those missing the night times still would miss out). However it had no impact on friendships and the chats about the trip didn’t last that long.