If my dc doesn't go on the y6 residential?

Severe behavioural problems. Thank-you for reminding me of the incident at my DD's two-night residential. A boy lay down on a zebra crossing on the main road of a popular village in a national park, stopping the traffic in both directions. As he refused to move, two teachers had to carry him from the zebra crossing to the pavement. School phoned the parents, asking them to collect him that day, citing the behaviour policy issued with the trip joining instructions. The parents initially refused go fetch their son, arguing that they had paid for the trip and that their son's behaviour was not unreasonable. Of all the many reasons I would not advise anyone to go into teaching at the moment, parental behaviour is at the top of the list.

Loads of kids don’t go for a variety of reasons. Respect his decision and maybe organise a day out with him one weekend. Do something together like an outward bounds course.
My dd who didn’t go on the year 6 trip has just got back from travelling around Asia alone.

I was that child! I ended up going and (mostly) enjoying it. But literally the whole class went.

Could you go from the default position of 'ok you don't have to go' and see if HE changes his mind as it gets closer?

Is everything ok at school? I refused to go in mine at the same age because I was being bullied.

If he is really upset the school will call you.
I would encourage you to build resilience.

If he doesn't want to go, then I see absolutely no mileage in forcing him. Not everyone enjoys these things, and it really doesn't matter.

Don't worry about it, and don't let him worry about it. As you say, there will be one or two others who don't go, and that is fine too.

My son was equally anxious. No sleepovers either. We made him do the 5 day residential and it did him SO MUCH GOOD. His anxiety was massively reduced afterwards and he was so much more confident. No regrets here whatsoever.

He either goes or doesn't go, whichever he prefers. DS would have refused to go but there wasn't one due to Covid while DD loved hers.
All this staying in a nearby hotel business is nuts though, I have never heard of parents doing that.

My DD is in year 6 and her residential is about 15-20 minutes from the school, seemingly largely to allow parents to drop off/pick up every morning and evening if their kids don't want to stay overnight, I was so confused, they're in year 6 and have been sleeping over at each others houses for years haven't they.... apparently not!

My son didn't want to go. I thought it would be good for him and cajoled him to go, saying it would be fun etc.
He hated it. I remember picking him up afterwards and the look on his face :(
The teacher said " I don't think he has had a very good time I'm afraid. "
I shouldn't have persuaded him.

Agree with pp. There’s an absolutely massive problem with resilience in kids and this is part of it. Hotels? Insanity!

The other parents sound totally OTT so I can see why their kids are "anxious". Lurking in a hotel nearby is nuts. I've done loads of residentials from y4 upwards and literally no parent has ever done that. Did have one mum running after the bus as it left school though, banging on the windows wanting her baby back.

The only times there was an option for a parent to pick up was related to severe behavioural problems that the teachers couldn't be expected to deal with 24/7.

Try to get a teacher to talk to him. My two boys loved it, they came back very tired and smelly but thoroughly enjoyed it

At 11, we must all hope absolutely no sex 🙄

Does DS1 have good friends at school? Schools usually give pupils the opportunity to say who they would like to share with. Would it reassure DS1 to know you could collect him if he really wanted to come home? As you know he would enjoy the activities, it would be a shame for him to regret not going when he heard others talking about what a great time they had had.

Your circumstances apart, I do feel I have stepped into a parallel universe. Half the class don't want to go? Parents staying in hotels? How are these parents going to cope when their 18+-year olds leave home? They are forgetting that the core job of parenting is to create independent adults from dependent children. Or perhaps they never remembered.

I don't understand parents staying in hotels, to be perfectly honest. That seems ludicrous. Part of the experience is staying away from home! If a child doesn't want the whole package, then they don't go. It's a simple choice of your son going on the trip or not going. If your son is absolutely adamant he doesn't want to go, then don't feel bad, there's nothing to feel bad about! My son initially didn't want to go on his residential trip in Year 6, I persuaded him to go, as I thought it would be a good experience for him. He ended up bunked with two children, that his teacher thought would be tolerated by my son, far more easily than others. One child kept the other three awake most nights, talking and being silly. The food portion sizes were small, and my son found he was hungry. The shower had no hot water for the duration. Some of the activities he liked but when I picked him up from school after the trip, he'd lost his voice and was more than pissed off!!! After he came home, he ate, had a shower and went to bed!!! 😬 I felt like the worst Mum in the world for persuading him to go!!!! It's not something that all children find a positive experience!!!

Half the fun of a residential is messing about in the dorm! - a bit like company away weekends only less sex! 😬

Staying in a hotel and taking days off work seems batshit to me, they either go or they don't. Their education/friendships won't be affected.

with some other parents planning on booking hotels nearby so their child can stay with them at night - I am mind-boggled about this - talk about cosseting!

If your DS does not want to go then don't send him.

I think it’s a shame for him to miss it, I still remember my own in year 6 and it was very coming of age ee and we also discussed it a lot afterwards, I think he should go and just have a plan B where you pick him up if necessary.
parents staying nearby in hotels is madness

Staying in hotels? Absolute wankery.

For comparison, in the 80s our year group went on a PGL trip when I was that age. 150 miles away. 7 days full of caving, horse riding, climbing, abseiling, orienteering, canoeing, windsurfing, sailing.

Various SEN kids in the class (including me) Zero parents stayed in hotels nearby.

@cadburyegg is he currently in Y5, so has 6 months to go? A lot can change in that time

I'd let him choose whether or not he wants to go but definitely wouldn't book a hotel nearby.

My DS was like yours OP then decided he would go. He hated it so much and was so homesick that he has never wanted to stay away from home since, it has totally put him off! I regret encouraging him but felt it was the right thing to do at the time. I wouldn't feel guilty with whatever he decides.