If my dc doesn't go on the y6 residential?

We had that on a Rainbows trip (1 night away, year 1 and year 2 age), we encouraged parents to say goodbye to their daughters at the guides hut then we walked them onto the bus. 1 mum ran into the bus just as we were about to close doors, wailing and crying about how much she would miss her, with the daughter comforting her mum 'its ok, i will be back tomorrow' another running behind the bus.
Out of 30 5 and 6 year olds we had zero tears, zero homesickness.

This talk of staying in hotels is beyond ridiculous for year 6's. We wouldn't have allowed it for year 1 age, it's really unhelpful.

Please don’t do the hotel thing. If he doesn’t want to go, then fine, he doesn’t have to go. But parents staying nearby so their DC (assuming NT DC), can sleep with them at night? 😳 I’ve never heard of that happening and there would surely be a lot of gossiping and teasing about DC that go back to the hotels with their mum for the night. DD would have died of embarrassment if I’d suggested such a thing.

If he doesnt want to go then that’s fine, it is optional, but if he does want to go then I think the hotel idea is absolutely bonkers. The whole point of the residential is that it is RESIDENTIAL, you sleep there!

I have taken loads of kids on residential and have never had to send one home because they were distraught. If it is the first time they have been away it is a hugely empowering event, staying with people you know, ( classmates and teachers) so much more secure atmosphere than private PGL type holidays.

It’s a shame schools don’t prepare children more , at my old school we used to do movie night sleep overs. Children went home on a Friday, then came back to school at about 6, had pizza , a movie night, hot chocolate and a sleep over in sleeping bags on the classroom floor, pick up at 8.00 the next morning after a cereal and toast breakfast. We did them from Y3 onwards. Same for Y4. Y5 went to a local camp site for two nights and Y6 to an activity centre for four nights. Advantage was that the first three were dirt cheap so everyone had the opportunity to take part.

Hard work, but the kids really do get a lot out of the experience.

Absolutely, I wonder if these parents are the ones who walk their kids half way to school still in year 7. Absolute cringe on behalf of those kids. We have these parents (I work at a school) they make thier children anxious by keeping them in a bubble. It is very damaging.

Let him stay home.

i absolutely would not be letting my child go on a residential. This is how a family member of mine ended up being abused by a teacher!

The parents planning hotels are not helping!
I would host a sleepover and try and arrange something to test the water beforehand. It’s usually so much fun, the kids love the bonding experience and activities. With most things I just talk positively about the experience to encourage DC and reassure them and they’ve always enjoyed these new adventures.

I can just imagine the look on my child’s face if I had said would be staying in a nearby hotel on the year 6 residential. They are 11 for goodness sake, most of them are just aching for a bit of healthy independence from parents.

If he doesn’t want to go then don’t send him.

I was quite a clingy child and I went on a 4 night residential in year 6. I missed my mum so much and cried most days. I look back on it now (25 years later) as being an awful experience. I still became an independent person eventually!

How does he know he won’t enjoy it if he hasn’t tried it would be my comment.

Oh god, please don’t go and stay in a hotel. That’s ridiculous.
If you can’t get him want to go then he’ll
have to stay at home.
In my experience it is a very wonderful experience for the children, I’ve never taken a child on a residential that didn’t have a fantastic time.
Is all the rest of the year group going? For he know what will happen at school if he doesn’t go. At my school he’d have been the only one not going and would have been stuck at school on his own messing about in the year group below.

That sounds like a hell of a lot of mollycoddly parents. Our school would not allow kids to go stay off site and come to do activities, I highly doubt any school would allow that as the school is responsible for them whilst away on the residential. I can't imagine any parent wanting to do that with an 11 year old to be honest they are nearing senior school. The whole point is it's experience away from the family, team building, resilience ect. It's only two nights! Our kids go for 5 days. We have an overnight trip for year twos as well.

Some children just aren’t ready for this kind of trip, I think it’s a shame if they don’t go though. My daughter got a lot out of her y6 residential trip. Not just the activities but the independence and experience being away from home.

The parents planning to stay in nearby hotels so their children can stay overnight with them are bonkers tbh and missing the point of a huge part of these trips. My MIL is a retired year 6 teacher and she would be livid at these parents.

Why doesn’t he do a couple of nights at your Mum’s to build a bit of independence rather than DS2 going to stay there?

If he doesn't want to go, don't make him go. Children (like adults) benefit from doing things that make them anxious when they can ultimately enjoy those things - it's the experience of being rewarded for overcoming fears by having it turn out to be worth it to you or having your worries turn out to be unfounded that helps. But it doesn't work if they feel forced because they don't have that sense of "I'm going to be brave and choose to do the hard thing" and they're not going to be in a mindframe to enjoy it in the end.

Talk to him about adjustments/compromises that are within your means and power - picking him up early if he chooses to go, going only for one day and no nights, discussing specific sleeping arrangements with organizers, etc. The unknown is usually a big part of anxiety so you're doing right by giving him more info from youtube videos, and you can offer to ask detailed questions of the organizers if he has more questions. But beyond that it's ok to let him opt out.

Our middle 3 DC were adopted during their late primary years so they'd already gone through a lot of upheaval and change. One absolutely wasn't interested in going on residentials until secondary school and we supported them in that. Establishing a sense of security and empowerment was what helped with the anxiety.

This was DS on his Y4 one
No tears, no drama just hated it. He had done as asked and even had a bit of fun but when I collected him he said he was glad it was over
The Head agreed that he shouldn't really have gone.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't enjoy it but DH said I was "projecting" and he would love it when he got there.

This.

Ridiculous, isn't it?

Our school would absolutely not allow the hotel idea. If they are going to go - then they are the teachers responsibility.

I've worked in upper primary and secondary. The kids talk about their residentials for YEARS after. Most absolutely love it, even those who didn't expect to.
I'm sorry, but any parent who doesn't prepare their kids for stuff like this is doing them a disservice.

I work in a school, lots of kids don't go. It's not an issue at all. They have a fun few days with lots of activities. It's not for every child, not every parent can afford it either. If he doesn't want to go, I wouldn't worry at all. He'll also have an other opportunity in Year 7.

There are always children who don't go on the school residentials and depending on if any TAs are not going for their year group they do group work with them based on the trips' activities or go into another class. Sometimes that class is lower down the school and they get to help out the little ones.

We have had children not go for religious reasons, one set of twins because one of them had medical needs and couldn't go and the parents made the decision for the healthy child not to be advantaged by going on the trip and some children who just didn't want to go.

You could always take him yourself over summer to do the things the school will cover. I wouldn't push him, he doesn't want to do it and I bet he isn't the only one. You could always take him out of school for the duration of the trip too. Up to you.

Most trips go swimmingly but other times there are behavioural issues that play into it. Some were outright dangerous and the children had to be collected by the parents who were not pleased about driving hours to collect their out of control children.

I know everyone is saying don't force him but is this a bit of the problem with the world right now of oh I can't do that it makes me anxious. No it makes you nervous which is a completely normal emotion to feel when doing something new. The more people step out of their comfort zones the more confidence they get. The more people let them get away without doing things the more they will struggle to do thing. People seem to have forgot that it's important to feel emotions this is normal. You can't escape life.

Adding that at the Y6 leavers assembly, the absolute agreed best school memory is nearly always their Y6 residential. My DC’s assemblies were full of the fun stories.
An amazing experience, including confidence, team building, problem solving, resilience, challenge and a sense of success. Everything we want for our children.

@cadburyegg i would work hard from now, with him, to support him in small steps, to get there. Sleepovers, attending hobbies, a visit to see the centre. Locally could he have a go at one or two similar activities so that these are more familiar.

Y6 residential is such an opportunity.

Go or not.
Unless there’s serious additional needs the parents staying nearby is bonkers.
We did a recent girl guiding trip and a mum told her child she was coming nearby (we were miles away) and was constantly messaging. Child was fine. It was an optional trip if you are that anxious don’t send them.

Staying an a nearby hotel is madness and I am amazed that any school allows this tbh. 1 of my 3 dds didn't go and there was a group that didn't for various reasons.
DD was quite anxious but also wouldn't have enjoyed the activities (hates swimming/water activities) so it was an easy decision for her.