If my dc doesn't go on the y6 residential?

Your situation is very different though. I work in year 6 and a couple of years ago we had a child that had had medical issues in the weeks before the residential, which meant potentially he would not be safe doing the activities if it flared up again. He was desperate to go, so the compromise was for his mum to stay nearby. She was able to WFH at her hotel and was on call if needed.

Absolutely. This is insanity.

Our Y6 residential last year was 5 nights in France. Definitely no one was booking nights near the chateau and following them around. I agree it sounds bonkers. There were definitely some who didn’t come because their parents were too anxious (I didn’t get a sense it was the children). But if he doesn’t want to go, he doesn’t want to go. I do think going away overnight is an important developmental step and I would try to encourage and support him to do that eventually, but maybe this just isn’t it.

I work in year 6. I would be very, very surprised if they allowed some parents to stay in hotels nearby. It would be extremely disruptive (and unfair) on those kids who are staying overnight. I wouldn't worry if he doesn't go. There will always be some kids that don't go. They always seem fine going into other classes. It will be over very quickly. Don't make too big of a thing of it is my advice. It's a great experience for them if they do go. But not the end of the world if they don't.

When my son went he was a bit nervous but did enjoy it. We wouldn't have forced it though

I've been a teacher for thirty something years. I've done so many residentials I've lost count.

My advice would be to just forget about it.
He doesn't want to go. No problem. At all.
He'll go on future trips, or maybe he won't.
It's up to him.

And I am flabbergasted to read about parents staying nearby in hotels. I'm amazed the school allows this. I wouldn't.
Little Jimmy has a wobble at bedtime and mum or dad swoops in to take him back to sleep with them.... What happens if little Mary then starts to wobble and mum is 200 miles away at home? And little Johnny? Believe me those night time wobbles are contagious.

If they're not ready, they're not ready.
And that goes for the parents who seem so needy they need to be close by

Madness.

I think trying to encourage them to go would help their independence and they’d probably love it when they’re there. But I’d also not force them if they don’t want to go.

Our school do a residential every year from year 1!! (Admittedly yr 1 and 2 is 1 night only and only about 10miles away). My youngest has always been hesitant but loves it when there and has helped encouraged him to try new things. Having said that he was adamant he didn’t want to go on a recent school trip and I knew he’d hate it so he just didn’t go.

Ultimately you know your child best, so trust yourself. He won’t miss out not going x

I agree. Total pandering. And we wonder why kids have no resilience when the adults around them are like this.

We went on ours and that was that. If you really really were struggling you could speak to your parents on the phone.

I can’t remember anyone needing to be collected either.

Would he be able to contact you to be collected if he really wanted to come home? This was the decider for my DS who also didnt want to leave me (which is a different thing to not wanting to do the trip, and one imo that does need working on, as he will miss out) I told DS that it if he needed me, I'd be there within the hour. He went and had a fantastic time.

There is a lot of talk amongst other parents in the class WA group about getting their kids ready for staying away, with some other parents planning on booking hotels nearby so their child can stay with them at night then still do the activities during the day.

What the fuck have I just read.

The school frankly should not be allowing this as a general policy.

Unfuckingbelievable.

My daughter has opted not to go on the residential in Year 4 and 5. Most of the kids do go but she just doesn't want to so I won't force her. Have never heard of parents staying nearby though, I think that defeats the object of a residential!

Your situation was totally different, and I'm sure no one judged you, you were staying close by in case your son had a health emergency. That's very different than not allowing them to stay at night with the other kids because either the parents or kids are nervous about being away from each other.

@changedmyname24 I think everyone who has commented about the parents staying in hotels and have said they would understand if medical or SEN need

I'm not calling names or being disparaging here; my own DS didn't go on his primary residentials (one because he didn't want to/ was still too 'young' as he's ASD, the other because of Covid. He's recently been on a Geography residential now in secondary and loved it). However, I'd really suggest either him going fully, committing to the whole experience, or just staying home. Definitely don't stay at a hotel nearby.

Honestly, I've been on residentials as a staff member, and it really teaches them resilience in an evening when they sometimes get sad. Some get sad, some don't. They help each other cheer up if needed, especially if an adult points out that maybe someone is feeling down. There are usually plenty of activities right up until bedtime, so there isn't loads of time to get that way.

Having families right nearby in a hotel would make it all so difficult, for literally everyone. Children whose families aren't there will wonder why theirs aren't there, children whose families are there keep getting reminded every evening and having the "goodbye I'll miss yooou" every single day would be horrible.

I repeat though: I absolutely understand that there are all kinds of circumstances as to why a child might not want or be able to attend the residential, and that's fine. They will have fun at school while everyone is gone, and it'll barely be a blip in their school experience. I personally don't actually understand the obsession with the residentials. Costs are exploding now as well; I suspect our school will have to revisit possibly shortening the yr6 one to get the costs down for parents.

I went on a residential in year 7 and hated it. In year 9 I didn't go and so pleased I didn't.

The other parents aren't helping your obvious anxiety, they go or they don't as far as i would be concerned! If they do t go the school will accommodate them either in a year 5 class or "helping" around the school (dd1 "helped" in the school office when she couldn't go on a trip due to her asd and blackouts, it was water sports which was a no for obvious reasons)

Luckily my DC had been on a couple of residentials with clubs/church. It was a bit further away for the Yr6 trip as it was Yorkshire. They had great fun though.

There were some kids who didn't go. In DCs primary the classes were Yr5, Yr5/6 and Yr6 so the Yr5 aged kids had an activity week while the Y6s were away. When my own DC was a Yr5 there were some excellent activities, some of which I helped with. One element was selling art work they had made at a little fair. There was a prize for best art work done during a trip to a birds of prey/falconry place. I was helper at this - one of the winners was a Yr6.

I don't think anyone felt left out. It was really well organised

I wouldn’t worry if he doesn’t want to go, at ours they normally have around 10 that don’t go and they get to do lots of activities both in and out of school. Definitely don’t book a hotel nearby!

I feel a little sad reading all the comments against parents staying in a hotel close by.

When our DS2 was in Year 7, he suddenly developed epilepsy & seizures a few weeks before the week-long residential trip abroad. He wasn't far enough along to receive medication (he does now) & we didn't feel comfortable being so far away from him should something happen. So we stayed in an Air B&B in the area & had our own little holiday - he stayed with the school as planned, but we transported him there & back & he had fewer nights, as we couldn't get so much annual leave.

It might seem extreme, but we ran it by the school first & they agreed enthusiastically that this was the best course of action all round.

I think it depends on your dc.

With ds, he did not (and actually does not) particularly like being away from home. But I was also aware that he can be a total home-bod and never want to go away. So I encouraged him to go, and he did enjoy it.
If he'd been happy to be away but didn't fancy that trip, then I'd have happily kept him off.

But it is a bonding experience, so you can expect him to feel left out of conversations etc.

In one of my girl's year, there was one girl who swore she did not want to go until the Friday before and changed her mind - and absolutely loved it. So it does happen that way round.

I agree. If kids really don't want to go then that's fine, but booking a hotel nearby is beyond ridiculous. No wonder kids are lacking in resilience. I would have been mortified if my parents had suggested such a thing.

I never went on mine and I had no regrets. I had extreme phobia of people vomiting so coach trips were just a no for me. This was back in the day when school took you away for a week.

I happily went into the younger year groups and helped out fo the week.

I wasn't ready until I was about 14 to stay away from home. I'm glad my mum didn't push it

Our school goes from Y4 to other countries ! I'm surprised a Y6 isn't able to do this?

My sons large primary school had several options for the year 6 residential. A one night trip to a forest school, or the full PGL 4 night experience. There was also the option for a one day trip to the forest school. It worked so well, as every child was involved. For those like my son who did the one night trip, once he returned to school they did fun activities all week. With the COL crisis it was well received by parents as not every one can afford the full PGL experience. If your child doesn't want to go, I wouldn't worry. They'll be plenty of experiences at secondary school.

Can you suggest he goes and tries the first night and if he hates it/is very very homesick could you go and pick him up after day 2 activities?
My child was extremely nervous/anxious in the lead up to residential but on the day went without any issues and absolutely loved it! The School were excellent at showing them photos of where they were staying, giving them menus and asking which children they’d like to share with. We did additional research looking at the website as this has helped fear of the unknown with other anxieties.
If all else fails I wouldn’t force him, there will be other times and as the parent of an anxious child I know it’s not worth the upset.