If my dc doesn't go on the y6 residential?

Our school didn’t allow the kids to come and go, you either went for the whole thing or you didn’t.
My daughter had a fab time on hers, not all kids are ready to be away for that long though

Because it is ridiculous! I know about having a child with anxiety. My child has an ED and in the beginning of it caused huge anxiety and ocd issues. You are not helping your child by reinforcement, you won't make your child better by not exposing them to scary things. It is hard, watching your child cry and be distressed but in the end you are doing it for thier own benefit, each time exposure makes the anxiety slightly less each time. If I just pandered to her anxiety and fear of eating she would be in hospital now and not in early recovery. We have to make our kids do hard things for their own health and happiness.

Parents are booking hotels nearby for a two night break?? Sorry this is absolutely nuts.
Either he doesnt want to go or he does and goes with the group.
Sorey but I think you are feeding into the anxiety by offering to book a hotel nearby.
I have one son that stays away any chance he can and one who won't leave my side. One of them has been on PGL summer camps alone without the school since age 8 and loved them but said the school one was rubbish and quite tame as they know it is a mix of kids who may or may not like being away doing adventurous stuff. Compared to one you can book for summer holidays where they do more activities.
My other son wouldnt go and he would hate it so I wont be making him go or facilitating a half going with a get out clause.

There was actually a few children that didnt go to the year 6 one at my sons school and the school did a few activity days in school with them and made it really nice for those kids. Maybe ask the school if there are others not going and what their plan is for thosr that cant go.

As a teacher, I would say it is normal to have a few children only attend during the day. Sometimes this is due to behaviour where the risk assessment shows too high a risk and we insist. Sometimes ASN, particularly autism. Sometimes medical. Sometimes it's parental choice.

We cannot discriminate and tell a child they cannot attend without making reasonable adjustments.

Complete insanity - the parents attending the residential completely overlooks it's purpose (to allow children to build independence before high school).

As for your child not attending. I would take a brisk approach. Do not make a big deal out of it - be non committal in discussion. This will give your child the chance to join in the natural momentum of the class as excitement builds without having to lose face about changing their mind.

If the week before he still does not want to attend, then fine. I would still be sending him to school each day if he doesn't go.

FWIW - my highly anxious dc would sell a kidney to stay at home. Not always in their best interests to give them 100% autonomy on things like this.

I was responding to the many generalised comments about parents who consider nearby hotels as being ridiculous.

Random thought relating to this:

He has some lovely close friends, I am not sure if they are going, I’m assuming so.

How can you have a conversation with him about staying away, without knowing if his friends are going? That's a big part of the decision making usually.

Part of the point of a residential is to rough it a bit. To take the children out of their comfort zone and experience new things and new challenges. We can't protect them from every little thing.

Mine have done residentials - for some it was their thing - for one not.

But she came home and really appreciated home and all that we did for her! - bonus! It is only a few nights and your child will learn lots: about the educational aspects of the residential, about what they can and can't do, about getting along with others, about pushing themselves a bit. Even if it finishes up not being their thing, they will have learned a lot about themselves.

If he really does not want to go then so be it. But please it is either/or - don't join the other parents holing themselves up in B&Bs. That is just madness!

I haven't read all the posts, but If he doesn't want to go and you are worried about him missing out, I would use the money to give him an experience he wouldn't have had otherwise. Possibly with his sibling or a friend. That way he isn't missing out, just getting something that is right for him.

The residential is only really positive if he wants to go, forcing him seems pointless. It is not essential. I remember most of the boys in the year above me missing it when I was at primary school as it clashed with the world cup.

I think it is lovely you are so considerate of his feelings.

But again different circumstances unless op is neglecting and or abusing her son which i highly doubt.

I researched nearby hotels as an option if it helped DS engage in the activities while knowing we were near. We’d absolutely want him to get on that coach, wave him off and hope that he had a weekend of fun. However due to anxiety it was a very real possibility he’d refuse to go. So we made a B plan.

Reading the comments on here I’m a ridiculous, OTT, mollycoddler. Actually I was a mum to an anxious DS with an attachment disorder due to early neglect that’s not had a sleepover without us since we adopted him.

But I’m sure in mumsnet world it’s us that have made him anxious because we convey the message he can’t be independent. Also in mumsnet world it’s an either or - either he goes or he misses out completely! Unfortunately people’s perspective is based on their own kids only!

Me neither. I have taken away at least 300 infant school age children over around 10 trips. Only 1 had to be collected and that's because they had a tummy bug.

Ours go to north wales too. They have such a great time there. I said I’d drive her there myself if needed if say she was ill and missed the first day or something (but didn’t actually want to as it’s about 6 hours 🤣)

The trouble is usually you have to pay a deposit upfront to confirm a place on a trip so if a child says they won’t go and then changes their mind later on, it’s usually too late (this has happened in DC’s classes).

Ok, so some of my post now not relevant due to drip feed

but,
glad he’s warming to it…as I said do as much as you can to replace unknown with knowledge.

Staying in hotels? Crikey this is insane I’ve never heard of anyone doing that. You would be laughed at thinking it was a joke. The whole idea is that they go away themselves!

All kids go on our year 6 trip usually bar around 3/4. Out of 60.

Id send him and tell him to get on with it. Yes it’s nerve wracking for some. But kids need to learn some resilience. He’s off to secondary soon. They can’t always not just stuff because it makes them feel a bit worried. I’ve said to my daughter many times that being nervous is normal and part of life.

DS's friend was ADAMANT he wouldn't go on residental. He was NOT GOING.

So I asked his Mum if he would come for a sleep over at our with DS and their other friend.

They had a ball.

DS's friend didn't say a single time after that about how he didn't want to go. He was absoluetely fine because he realised he would be with his mates who he trusted.

They went and had a ball. No problems what so ever.

I think in the end one parent stayed nearby - for reasons which worked for all. A lot of the parents were more stressed than the kids. But it wasn't multiple parents doing this.

My child never stayed out and was 100% certain he wasn't going in the school residential that is untill 4 days before they where due togo and he changed his mind, thankfully the school said he could go and he had the best time your child might change his mind and decide he wants togo especially as it get closer and all his friends start getting excited about it.

I'd try to encourage the child and try to ignore the protests. It will be hard to do but there will be other children feeling the same and they will all grow and learn from the experience.

You say son is anxious? That’s fear.,fear is the unknown.
would it perhaps be helpful to eliminate some of fear with knowledge- and that includes experience and familiarity

maybe talk to him first about his fears- not in way to make him go, but to explore with him safely, he is going to have to crack this at secondary or risk missing life opportunities

could you arrange some sleepovers at yours at first? A trusted friend, special tea, and an activity at home/ movie etc …then ease him into a sleepover elsewhere

could you and he take a day out to see place he’ll be staying at if he goes?

get hold of timetable of activities asap. Go online and watch videos, or even have a go yourselves first.

could you talk to teachers about their ideas to ease him in…perhaps ask that if he does want to try it and then he wants to come home you could pick him up

talk to teachers about identifying potential room mates, organise some “ play dates” with them

get him being looked after by other relatives or friends in evening- do you ever go out? Build up time away from him

it’s a shame it’s got to year 6, and you’re now with a child who appears to have separation anxiety and anxiety about not being at home. He has to leave you and home eventually..for his own good. You might just be making it all too comfortable for him, he needs to explore being outside his comfort zone to develop mental resilience. Maybe this trip isn’t way to do that, but look at all these things and help your child gain independence and confidence around others and tackling new challenges

I do say this as a HSP, introverted person- it isn’t easy ..I was a painfully shy child, and remain a homebody today..but now age 60 I can see what opportunities I’d have missed if not gently pushed along a road to independence by my parents

it did help having older siblings and listening to their experiences..is your child an only child, is there a little blurring of boudaries between friend and parent ? Genuine question not a knock at you.

I agree. However, in my case my son is AuDHD. There was some discussion about whether he'd be ok so it was agreed that if he was unable to cope I'd have to go and get him. I didn't want to do this as he was going to North Wales and I'm in the South. It was fine. I wouldn't have dreamed of booking a hotel though, and I don't know anybody who has done that!

@changedmyname24 I agree with PPs that that was a very different situation. Your son had a very new and frightening medical condition, which at the time, wasn’t completely under control. You found a solution that enabled him to still go and enjoy himself, you were there in case of a medical emergency. Not in case he got a bit homesick. I really hope he’s doing well now.

Agreed. Which is why I don’t believe it.

Also, to those people telling parents to tell their children they'll come and pick them up if they aren't happy, absolutely don't do this. We've had children come down saying they can't sleep and their mum said they could ask us to call her to pick up, no we never agreed to that, and the parent should never have said that.