If my dc doesn't go on the y6 residential?

The hotel thing is insane. Either a child wants to go or they don’t go. They shouldn’t be forced to go but having parents nearby is really quite bizarre. Unless there are specific health needs.

Our son didn't want to go to the primary residential in year 6 which was a full week away in Isle of Man (well 5 nights). No drama at all. We told the teacher he didn't want to go. Teacher had a quiet word with him as a general discussion, but no real pressure. We discussed with the teacher what would happen in school and he just said he'd be sitting in the residual class of year 5s. It was a school where there's 1.5 classes per year, so there's a mix of ages/years in every class. Some of those in his own class were too young to go, and some of them in the lower class would be going, so it worked out well - both classes were mixed and merged for the week and it really wasn't obvious that son should have gone but didn't, as he was still with some pupils from his own class.

In year 7 at secondary, they did a shorter residential of just a weekend a lot closer to home that DS was happy about, so he went along and enjoyed it - much smaller scale, and he was happy even though he wasn't with any of his actual friends - his primary feeds into about 10 secondaries and there was no one from his primary in his form at secondary!

A few years later he did DofE bronze and silver with no problems.

He went away to Uni no problems. He moved to a different city and rented his own flat for work. No problems. He's been on holidays with random friends from Uni and work, no problems.

Just because you don't want to do something like that aged 10 doesn't mean they're going to be clingy and unwilling to do it ever. They can grow up massively in the transition from primary to secondary and then again from secondary to Uni and beyond. Don't pressurise them and don't fall for the "everyone's doing it and you'll be left out" crap. They do things when they're ready.

Christ, has that what it's come too? Parents booking hotels so they can hold their kids hand?

Something has gone really wrong in our young.

It's 2 nights, he'll probably love it and it'll build some obviously needed confidence.

I'm surprised the school are happy for children to be picked up and taken to a hotel - surely the options should be to go and participate in full, or miss out?
I'm surprised as well
When Iused to do residential, usually at Robinwood, Castle Cragg or Bron Y Gadda we had loads of kids that were anxious and nervous. However with encouragement from their friends they had a great time once they were settled. It usually only took less than an hour and they be off joining in with activities.

It would have been a disaster if parents came and took kids away as we had e ending activities planned which would have e been spoiled with reduced numbers. Also part of the cost is for evening meals, snacks and supper and accommodating which the centre staff plan for.

If your child is really upset at going, don't send them.

If they are just anxious and a bit nervous send them put a positive spin on it. It will seriously help their resilience and confidence.

I would try and encourage him to go. When my daughter did her residential,the amount of parents who's children had changed their minds and wanted to go. It was a lot,but by then, unfortunately it was too late to add them.

Do these hotel parents know the school will likely not release the kids to them?

They're utterly bonkers.

Absolute bonkers for parents to be booking hotels, this is why we have kids with no resilience. He either goes or doesn’t but you are right to be encouraging him to have some independence from you

DDs Y6 residential was to France … far enough away to stop clingy parents hanging round.

My DC was like this when they knew they Y6 trip had been announced. They'd done a couple of sleepovers with friends but were insisting they didn't want to go on the school trip.

And then suddenly, they did.

They were away a whole week though rather than just a few nights.
It all went well. They weren't allowed mobile phones, but we did have very regular updates from the staff accompanying them. So we knew when they had got to certain points on the route there, we knew when they'd arrived. We got daily 'diary posts' with photos, and then a full detailed time-tracked return.

I'm glad they did it, as it did help with confdence and resilience.

I would send him, but discuss his anxiety with a teacher and be prepared to go and get him/have his dad go and get him if he truly didn’t cope. I have never, ever had to use that option (have run year 7 residentials.) but a lot of kids get nervous about going. He will have a brilliant time and mature from the experience.

Unless there were severe SEND at play I would have little patience with the parents who are planning to stay nearby. (Even if there were I’d be looking for a specialist 1:1 TA rather than have them be collected if at all possible.) That will just tip kids who are being brave over the edge. I would refuse to take kids under that arrangement

There is a lot of talk amongst other parents in the class WA group about getting their kids ready for staying away, with some other parents planning on booking hotels nearby so their child can stay with them at night then still do the activities during the day.

You must have a lot of completely insane parents at your school.
Never heard of such a thing.
I highly suspect the school wouldn't allow it anyway.
Absolute madness.
What is difficult for these parents to understand about the word 'residential' ?

Primary teacher here PGL every year - I'm so pleased your ds is now talking about going-it really it the best fun that they will never forget! So many children achieve so much but in a different way to their achievements in the classroom. If I was you I would speak to his teacher so they know he's a wobbly one and they will be able to help with the reassurance leading up to the trip. I'm really not a fan of September trips though - they've just had the summer and they've not seen their teachers and friends for a long time so it gives lots of time for worrying without reassurance on hand (nothing you can do about this I know!). I had two wobbly ones last year who were wobbly right up to going. I promised them both that if they wanted me to ring their parents
To fetch them then I would - both did the holiday and loved it!

It's bonkers that parents are planning on staying in hotels nearby. What a faff for the staff having to escort kids off site and deal with all the communication. Plus the staying over with friends is half the fun, removing that doesn't really make it a residential experience anyway.

If he really doesn't want to go I wouldn't force it at all. Once they get back it's forgotten in a few days so it's not like he'll have missed some holy grail experience and then be forever socially shunned because of it.

However I do think it's a good experience for kids who genuinely are ok being away from home. My dc was always pretty shy and he had the time of his life.

Mine never went , they just didn't want to go , l remember there were a few kids who came home early because they were homesick too.

Half my son's class 'didnt want to go on the residential'.

This wasn't true. A lot of it was parents winding up the kids and them not coping with the thought of it rather than the kids!

When it came to it, the kids all wound each other up into excitement about going.

2 out of 60 didn't go.

All the others went including all the kids with additional needs. One stayed nearby and just went for the day but this was reasonable under the circumstances.

Lots of parents talked about staying nearby initially. In the end none did bar the child staying for the day only.

Exactly. Wasn’t the same for me - I really really don’t want to go. If my parents had forced me I’d have been so upset. I’m glad they listened to me and respected that I didn’t want to.

Well great for her but it’s not the same for all kids.

I think that there was a child whose parents stayed nearby (and he may have stayed with them but there was the aim for him to stay at the venue) when ds went but he was very medically complex.

Totally Agree. I didn’t want to go on my Y6 residential at all and the school organised a little activity week for those who didn’t want to go instead which perhaps you could recreate - we went to the zoo, beach, museum, bowling etc! Had so much fun and I didn’t feel nervous or anxious and I was glad I didn’t go on the residential. It wasn’t for me!

Would the WA group be mainly women who gave up their professional careers to be professional parents and cant get over the fact that they are not needed anymore?

I think you've got the right attitude op, if he wants to go fantastic, if not he may regret it, he may not but he'll remember that he made the decision himself, this is a massive life lesson for him.
For his sake I hope he does decide to go, one of my DC was quite apprehensive about going to theirs, they absolutely loved it and I do feel they learned a lot from being away us.
As for the parents staying in hotels I've never heard of anything so ridiculous, the DC's either go and participate fully or don't bother going at all.

I agree.

These parents arent doing stuff for their kids, they are doing it for themselves. They have decided that their kids wont manage being away without them being there, and dont see that they are holding their kids back. And the kids dont feel able to say "LET ME GO!" because then mum/dad might get upset or angry about not being needed.

There is a lot of talk amongst other parents in the class WA group about getting their kids ready for staying away, with some other parents planning on booking hotels nearby so their child can stay with them at night then still do the activities during the day

These parents are bonkers. Don't be one of them.

This is exactly what DD did. Didnt want to go, wasnt going, end of.

Then suddenly all her friends were going and she ended up changing her mind. She absolutely loved it!