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AIBU?

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Original poster

If my dc doesn't go on the y6 residential?

189 replies

cadburyegg · 11/03/2025 17:24

Y6 residential coming up in the next few months- 2 nights away. At the moment ds1 is adamant he doesn't want to go, as he doesn't want to be away from me. He's always been quite anxious, but has got a lot better as he's got older. He is used to staying away from me as he stays with his dad EOW but he would still rather stay with me. He has never been on a sleepover at another child's house nor had one at ours, he has no interest in doing so.

I am going to try and encourage him to go as much as I can, talk to him about the activities (which I know he would love) but I'm not going to force him. There is a lot of talk amongst other parents in the class WA group about getting their kids ready for staying away, with some other parents planning on booking hotels nearby so their child can stay with them at night then still do the activities during the day. This would be the best option for ds1 I think but I have looked and the cheapest hotel would still be £250+ which isn't really affordable when the cost of the residential is £240 as it is.

I would also need to take 3 days holiday from work which would also be tricky as that is right at the end of my leave year. And there is ds2 to consider - he'd have to stay with my mum for 3 nights which would be disruptive to him and a lot to put on my mum. Basically me staying away with him just isn't an option.

But I keep hearing all about the experience and how amazing it will be for the kids and how awful it will be for the 1/2 kids (out of the year group of 60) who stay behind and stay in a different class.

I just don't see how I can make it work. AIBU if ds1 just doesn't go, assuming he doesn't change his mind?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
viques · 07/10/2025 14:00

that’s such great news. An anxious child facing up to fears and pushing through and ending up enjoying themselves! is such a huge emotional growth, he will have gained so much from this, not just from the activities, but from the knowledge that he has the courage , the strength and the determination to face his fears and anxieties in order to do thinks that he thinks are difficult.

12345mummy · 06/10/2025 11:21

Such a great update OP!! Well done to you both for pushing through ❤️xx

fashionqueen0123 · 05/10/2025 14:03

That’s great he went. I do hope no parents stayed in hotels!

Rocknrollstar · 04/10/2025 22:13

FaeFae · 11/03/2025 18:13

I'm amazed that this is a thing too.

Resilience???

Another sign of the times.

I also worked hard to make sure my DC’s attended Beavers/Brownies etc so that they had the opportunity to attend a one night sleepover, before they did 4 nights.

Parents also need positivity and resilience, supporting their DC’s to attend. Surely by staying in a hotel locallym children are set to fail are the option is provided to leave the residential. Self fulfilling prophecy and all that!

Show quote history

Totally agree. Our DC did sleepovers with grandparents from a very young age and then with friends and their aunt. They went away with brownies and cubs. Our 8 year old chose to travel to New York on her own to visit her aunt and uncle. It is parental responsibility to bring children up to be independent.

CarpetKnees · 04/10/2025 21:37

READ THE THREAD PEOPLE

OP started the thread in MARCH

She updated today to tell us HE HAS BEEN.

Livpool · 04/10/2025 21:34

DC goes or doesn’t but parents shouldn’t be staying over near by. DS went away for 1 night in February in year 4. He loved it! But it wasn’t for every child and that’s fine

arcticpandas · 04/10/2025 21:11

My DS went for 5 days in year 5. He was excited to go but apparantly he cried because he missed me every night. Said he never wanted to go again. Now in year 8 and he said he might consider going to Italy for residential.. He's very sensitive but I will let him decide. I think you should let your DS decide @cadburyegg and not push him in any way.

Gruffporcupine · 04/10/2025 21:07

"...some other parents planning on booking hotels nearby so their child can stay with them at night then still do the activities during the day"

This is so OTT, good gracious. My DC would be going whether they liked it or not, unless there were real extenuating circumstances like being sick. It's good for them to be independent, and sometimes you've got to mandate that I have found

Dinnerplease · 04/10/2025 20:59

Oh sorry I see he's been! Great he had a good time.

Dinnerplease · 04/10/2025 20:58

That sounds great OP. DD was quite worried about her year 5 residential (5 days quite far away). She has ASD, among other things. But she had said she wanted to go, we had paid for it, so I wasn't minded to let her bail. We do a lot of scaffolding her into things she finds harder, otherwise she'd opt out of everything.

She had a great time in the end and the senco was on the trip. There is no way in hell I would have stayed nearby in a hotel. That sounds like madness. She has a year 7 residential later this year and is very keen to go.

He will have a great time and will teach him that you don't avoid things you are worried about.

DC2 has been doing overnights with woodcraft since she was 6 and is extremely enthusiastic about all residential trips. So all kids are different but these trips are so so good for them.

Amammai · 04/10/2025 20:04

How far away is the location? If he went and genuinely hated it, would it be a nightmare to go and collect him?

I’ve been a teacher on many residentials, with children are young as y3 and genuinely I’ve never had a child actually want to be collected in all the trips I’ve been on. There have been tears at bedtime and sore tummies in the night but teachers will take care of them. And the kids usually are very good at taking care of each other too.

It’s a big step, both for him and for you. I would strongly encourage him to go and genuinely mean it when you say ‘if you hate it after the first night, I’ll come and collect you’

AnonSugar · 04/10/2025 19:59

Why on earth are there parents following their kids on a school trip? 😬

CarpetKnees · 04/10/2025 19:46

Great news.
Thanks for updating.

Original poster
cadburyegg · 04/10/2025 19:41

update for those who are interested!

My ds went from being adamant he didn’t want to go, to really wanting to go, to not wanting to go, then wanting to go but being worried about it. He did eventually go and came home telling me about all the activities he did. I thought he’d be homesick and he said he was a bit worried the first night but ok after that. One of the TAs who knows him quite well told me he did really well despite being anxious.

I gave him quite strong encouragement and told him just because he was worried, it wasn’t a reason not to go. I think he is glad he went!

OP posts:
CarpetKnees · 12/03/2025 23:08

RedToothBrush · 12/03/2025 12:43

Having done camps before for scouts, it's the parents who are so often projecting their own anxiety onto the kids. The kids are fine until they are told they aren't by anxious parents.

We talk about anxiety being a thing for kids of today, but I'm not convinced. I think it's driven by parents being over protective and anxious themselves.

Outside that bubble the kids thrive - and that's actually the purpose of residentials in the first place, to remove themselves from those parental constraints.

This, 100%

BusyMum47 · 12/03/2025 21:41

biscuitsandbooks · 11/03/2025 17:30

I'm surprised the school are happy for children to be picked up and taken to a hotel - surely the options should be to go and participate in full, or miss out?

If he doesn't want to go then that's fine OP.

Yep. I work in yr6 in a Primary School & it's all or nothing - no way we'd support parents staying nearby & going for a 'day trip' option. Those not going stay behind & help out with other year groups, do PE, art, computing, etc.

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/03/2025 19:46

Mischance · 12/03/2025 14:10

Gosh - that is a nasty and unnecessary dig at SAMPs.

Show quote history

It wasnt intended to be, as I was a SAHM for many years. I noticed a particular type of SAHM who treated parenting as a professional job and really couldnt get used to being needed less as their kids grew. They would create situations, such what the OP describes, simply to be needed. Its a shame because its not good for either the parent or the child.

Differentstarts · 12/03/2025 18:04

RedToothBrush · 12/03/2025 12:43

Having done camps before for scouts, it's the parents who are so often projecting their own anxiety onto the kids. The kids are fine until they are told they aren't by anxious parents.

We talk about anxiety being a thing for kids of today, but I'm not convinced. I think it's driven by parents being over protective and anxious themselves.

Outside that bubble the kids thrive - and that's actually the purpose of residentials in the first place, to remove themselves from those parental constraints.

I know so many parents like that. You say anything to their kid and the parent jumps in he won't do that, he won't like that, he won't eat that.

Bloom15 · 12/03/2025 14:33

The parents shouldn't be staying over - that is ridiculous.

DS is 9 and his year 4 class went on a 1 night residential last night. It was in a YHA and 4 children to a room. It was the first time they have taken a year 4 group and it went well.

If your son doesn't want to go then that's that really. A few children don't go on my DS' trip

RedToothBrush · 12/03/2025 14:14

Mischance · 12/03/2025 14:10

Gosh - that is a nasty and unnecessary dig at SAMPs.

Show quote history

I'm a SAHP.

I'm one of the least clingy.

You could equally argue that working parents over compensate (this is bollocks and I don't believe it).

Mischance · 12/03/2025 14:10

PyongyangKipperbang · 11/03/2025 23:04

Would the WA group be mainly women who gave up their professional careers to be professional parents and cant get over the fact that they are not needed anymore?

Show quote history

Gosh - that is a nasty and unnecessary dig at SAMPs.

DateComing · 12/03/2025 13:23

I think it’s incredible that’s so many teachers agree to do this. It would be my worst nightmare. You all deserve a gold medal!

DateComing · 12/03/2025 13:22

cadburyegg · 11/03/2025 22:59

I'm so glad I posted here before talking to the school about special arrangements 😂

I'm honestly not making it up about hotels like one poster insinuated, it seemed to be quite an accepted thing on the WA group

I am glad I never joined the class WhatsApp group. It sounds like the anxiety and madness is contagious!

fashionqueen0123 · 12/03/2025 13:18

cadburyegg · 11/03/2025 22:59

I'm so glad I posted here before talking to the school about special arrangements 😂

I'm honestly not making it up about hotels like one poster insinuated, it seemed to be quite an accepted thing on the WA group

I’ve also just clocked this only a 2 night trip. Is that it?! Ours was 6 and seems the norm to be about 4/6! So that’s even crazier they’d be in a hotel.

RedToothBrush · 12/03/2025 12:43

Having done camps before for scouts, it's the parents who are so often projecting their own anxiety onto the kids. The kids are fine until they are told they aren't by anxious parents.

We talk about anxiety being a thing for kids of today, but I'm not convinced. I think it's driven by parents being over protective and anxious themselves.

Outside that bubble the kids thrive - and that's actually the purpose of residentials in the first place, to remove themselves from those parental constraints.

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