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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is my hyperlexic 3 year old actually neither ….

110 replies

ForWorthyTiger · 11/03/2025 14:33

Autistic OR ADHD?

First of all, I know we can’t armchair diagnose, but I’m wracking my brains right now with my puzzle of a 3 year old little boy.

Theres my gut mum feeling that he’s without a doubt hyperlexic, hence excellent decoding skills but communication difficulties and poor comprehension. That all makes perfect sense. He fits the description for hyperlexia on almost every single front apart from the fact that he is more a sensory seeker than avoider. He also follows the trajectory; regression at around 18 months, early letter / number / shape recognition (could count, recite alphabet and recognise individual letters and shapes at 18 months - 2 years) then started being able to sight read at 2.5 (could well have been able to before this) and now is starting to develop language is a gestalt learning style. Not a lot of functional communication going on but some is starting to emerge now he is 3.5.

But here’s what always gets me, why is hyperlexia not in the DSM?? Especially given that dyslexia is! It’s a learning style to my knowledge that benefits from a specific range of interventions and supports, rather different to that of autism (without hyperlexia) or ADHD. It is often also shoehorned onto a broader diagnoses as I understand onto ASD when accompanied with communication differences or what they tend to call ‘speech delay’. But my worry is that if my son gets a diagnoses of ASD, of which doesn’t entirely fit him in my opinion, in school they will concentrate on that and not the hyperlexia.

If anything I feel like he skews more ADHD as he does not crave order, or sameness or routine, but enjoys novelty, movement and sensory input. And maybe what makes him ‘appear’ autistic is actually the fact that his communication difficulties very much make him behave autistic-like?

I have to admit I was never the type to think that a hyperlexic child like mine wasn’t also ergo autistic but the more he grows and develops the more I doubt it. I was the first one to raise concerns about autism or certainly the signs of atypical development in my son when he had his first developmental review at which I was promptly dismissed given that he was seemingly engaged doing all the typical things at the time, but something niggled at the back of my mind, and of course I am right in that he’s without a doubt neurodivergent, but all I can see in him is hyperlexia but not necessarily an actual diagnosable condition such as ASD or ADHD, or even AuDHD as they just don’t seem to ‘fit’.

Intervention / therapy wise nothing that is recommended for autism or ADHD has been super effective but approaches used for hyperlexia have.

Has anyone else experienced this at all??

OP posts:
Original poster
ForWorthyTiger · 11/03/2025 15:18

MissDoubleU · 11/03/2025 15:10

Sounds like there is good reason to believe ASD is in the mix here.

Is there a reason you don’t want an ASD diagnosis ?

Show quote history

I’d be more than happy for him to have a diagnosis of ASD if it were the completely appropriate diagnoses.

To my understanding they base a diagnosis on significant signs or traits within 3 main areas:

Social differences
communication differences
restricted and/or repetitive interests

It’s completely plausible he meets this criteria, so I to n it’s likely he’ll receive a diagnosis, but the more I see him develop through his hyperlexic learning style, the more I see conflicts with the ASD varying profiles. I’d even go as far as to say ADHD and hyperlexia fit him more.

OP posts:
Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 11/03/2025 15:17

So it sounds like it is probably something like ASD going on and hyperlexia is just one of the symptoms. That is why hyperlexia itself in isolation is not necessarily an issue, but all of the other social issues around his behaviour are more challenging. It sounds like words and letters are his special interest at the moment. That might change, or it might not. I would be led by the nursery who seem to be willing to put the work in to get him an EHCP.

You were though asking about children who had hyperlexia in the absence of ASD/ADHD, and in isolation it was not an issue. It is still a matter of debate whether ds would meet diagnostic levels for ASD but he was very interested in words and letters from about 9 months onwards and did read very early. His decoding was ahead of his comprehension but only a little and it had caught up by the time he was in school.

Octavia64 · 11/03/2025 15:15

I'm hyperlexic.

A general lack of communication skills isn't hyperlexia.

A friend of mine had a child who was also hyperlexic. It just means reading early. Her daughter was very intelligent and her comprehension was also at a high level.

Original poster
ForWorthyTiger · 11/03/2025 15:12

You absolutely need to relax

This is accurate Grin

Problem is I don’t! Instead I lie awake in the middle of the night and worry about my son, given that the EHCP process is not for the faint hearted and I know for a fact that many children with ECHP’s do not have their needs met even though it’s on a lawful document. No specialist schools full stop, nevermind the fact that my son wouldn’t get into one (there are children with far higher needs than him) and so mainstream is the only option, and if they’re treating him as the little autistic boy then they might be batting at the wrong door. Plus the MS schools can’t even meet the needs of the typically developing children with no additional needs nevermind throwing my son at them. We are considering private but it would really be a lot of discussion and considering as to whether they would be able to meet his needs. It’s tempting to have him in private if it means he is safe and basically happy. I don’t want my bright, happy curious boy made miserable by the failing state education system. Not having a go at individual teachers or TA’s here but the system itself.

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 11/03/2025 15:10

ForWorthyTiger · 11/03/2025 15:03

With my son it’s not just ‘reading early’ unfortunately, because on paper that looks great but in reality there’s a lot more going on. He’s not sitting and reading books cover to cover for example It’s more the ability to decode but with corresponding significant difficulties in comprehension and communication. From my perspective that’s what makes it a learning difficulty just as dyslexia is, it’s the complete opposite way around.

His entire play used to be based around the alphabet. He just LOVED individual letters and the alphabet, I even know his favourite letter is uppercase Q. It’s also numbers and shapes but he struggles to see past the symbols to understand what he’s actually looking at. For example in the woods we picked up a stick and said ‘look it’s a stick!’ And he replied ‘Y’ because it looked like a Y.

The issue is that he cannot follow social routines within the day nor can he fully do age appropriate self care skills. He also cannot express many of his basic needs. Not toilet trained but has some awareness. If it were just early reading I’d be jumping for joy!

Show quote history

Sounds like there is good reason to believe ASD is in the mix here.

Is there a reason you don’t want an ASD diagnosis ?

Original poster
ForWorthyTiger · 11/03/2025 15:03

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 11/03/2025 14:50

But here’s what always gets me, why is hyperlexia not in the DSM??

In general, in the absence of other conditions being able to read early is not a disorder and is temporary. My ds read very early and still loves words and language but it's not as if other teenagers can't now also read.

Yes it sometimes led to some minor irritations in interactions with school over reading records but in general I had far fewer concerns over him and reading than I did with his siblings who struggled to read. I think the teachers too used to appreciate it when he would tale a group of his friends in nursery and sit reading stories to them. I would just try to enjoy sharing books with him and don't let him think that there is anything wrong with him doing so.

Obviously where there are other concerns raised them with his nursery but reading early in isolation I would try to relax and go with the flow a bit.

With my son it’s not just ‘reading early’ unfortunately, because on paper that looks great but in reality there’s a lot more going on. He’s not sitting and reading books cover to cover for example It’s more the ability to decode but with corresponding significant difficulties in comprehension and communication. From my perspective that’s what makes it a learning difficulty just as dyslexia is, it’s the complete opposite way around.

His entire play used to be based around the alphabet. He just LOVED individual letters and the alphabet, I even know his favourite letter is uppercase Q. It’s also numbers and shapes but he struggles to see past the symbols to understand what he’s actually looking at. For example in the woods we picked up a stick and said ‘look it’s a stick!’ And he replied ‘Y’ because it looked like a Y.

The issue is that he cannot follow social routines within the day nor can he fully do age appropriate self care skills. He also cannot express many of his basic needs. Not toilet trained but has some awareness. If it were just early reading I’d be jumping for joy!

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 11/03/2025 15:01

I definitely feel like you’re pinning far too much on the specifics here. Your DC is only 3 years old. You’ve been focused on this since they were very young. The most important thing is that people are paying attention. You say he’s going to get 1:1 support and an assessment.

You absolutely need to relax. I think as well, you think he doesn’t fit ASD. But ASD is a very wide spectrum and can present in many different ways. Ie, some with ASD are very sociable and chatty. Parents then deny it is ASD because of their own perceptions. ASD, or anything else, should be diagnosed based on the child’s own experience with the world. Not just on how we parents view their experience with it.

Even if he is given an ASD diagnosis at assessment, and you feel it is very specifically hyperlexia without ASD (although a staggering 84% of hyperlexic individuals are also ASD) - you can relax knowing they are aware of ND and he will have access to many forms of help.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 11/03/2025 14:50

But here’s what always gets me, why is hyperlexia not in the DSM??

In general, in the absence of other conditions being able to read early is not a disorder and is temporary. My ds read very early and still loves words and language but it's not as if other teenagers can't now also read.

Yes it sometimes led to some minor irritations in interactions with school over reading records but in general I had far fewer concerns over him and reading than I did with his siblings who struggled to read. I think the teachers too used to appreciate it when he would tale a group of his friends in nursery and sit reading stories to them. I would just try to enjoy sharing books with him and don't let him think that there is anything wrong with him doing so.

Obviously where there are other concerns raised them with his nursery but reading early in isolation I would try to relax and go with the flow a bit.

Original poster
ForWorthyTiger · 11/03/2025 14:49

MissDoubleU · 11/03/2025 14:43

What is the AIBU here? Feel this post would be better elsewhere.

If you have raised flags for ND and are having this investigated, best to give them all this info and allow them to do their job really. If you find interventions for hyperlexia work - the. Use those interventions. If you do not feel DC has the same struggles as someone ASD or ADHD and that the techniques to help those people don’t work.. then simply do not pursue those options.

If your child is doing well and coping well enough, however they may present personality wise, then I would stop fixating on which specific label they might fit under at this very, very young age.

AIBU because often parents get criticised for denying ASD or ADHD, and I never thought I’d be in this position of doubting it!

He will be assessed for autism at an imaginary point in the future, that is for certain, and pre-school have suggested an EHCP with 1:1 support, of which we as parents totally agree with at this point in time. I suppose I was hoping parents of hyperlexic children who are atypical for ASD or ADHD would have some insight. I feel so alone and I don’t trust the so-called specialists to do right by my child.

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 11/03/2025 14:43

What is the AIBU here? Feel this post would be better elsewhere.

If you have raised flags for ND and are having this investigated, best to give them all this info and allow them to do their job really. If you find interventions for hyperlexia work - the. Use those interventions. If you do not feel DC has the same struggles as someone ASD or ADHD and that the techniques to help those people don’t work.. then simply do not pursue those options.

If your child is doing well and coping well enough, however they may present personality wise, then I would stop fixating on which specific label they might fit under at this very, very young age.