Or is my hyperlexic 3 year old actually neither ….

OP, I am finding your thread really interesting.

I am a SEN specialist and am aware of hyperlexia but until today did not know it existed outside of autism. I am also a person who could read by age 2, but I don't think I have hyperlexia according to the definitions I can find. My visual memory is actually shockingly poor!

I do agree with others that the DSM5 autism diagnosis criteria do seem to fit your son. Obviously with the usual caveats of never having met him and not being a diagnostician, and therefore I'm not saying your son must be autistic; rather, it's a sensible thing to consider if you want him to be diagnosed.

The autism "umbrella" is incredibly wide, and it is the only diagnosis that would explain your son's communication challenges. In our nursery, we have at least 5 children who are probably autistic out of 30. Their needs are all very different - 2 are non-verbal, one sounds like your son, one is a sing-song GLP, and one might be seen as "naughty" but seems to have huge sensory and communication needs. The strategies that work for them are also diverse. A good school will sit down with you and talk about what you find helpful for your child, and try to implement similar strategies or develop their own that work for him.

Why are you so focused on getting an EHCP? He’s only 3.5 so it’s too early to be able to tell what needs he might have at school. Plenty of SEND children manage fine in mainstream education and don’t need 1:1 support. My child’s school have put all sorts of things in place to help him adapt, it’s all done through the SENCO.

You could look into getting him an ASD assessment in the meantime then see how he goes in reception and take it from there.

Honestly, I don’t see which part you are referring to that doesn’t fit in with ASD. I have an autistic daughter and at that age she had barely any noticeable traits. It was only as she got older it became more obvious as things were no longer age appropriate. My daughter is also a sensory seeker. All Autistic children are different, there is no rigid profile. My daughter doesn’t fit in with what a lot would consider to be Autistic but she most definitely is. The educational psychologist will note the hyperlexia in their tests and recommendations will be put in place which then inform your child’s education plan.

He's only 3

Autism spectrum disorder DSM-5 diagnostic criteria: Full text
A. Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts, as manifested by the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive, see text):

1. Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation; to reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions.
2. Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.
3. Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.

1. Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypies, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).
2. Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns or verbal nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat food every day).
3. Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g, strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interest).
4. Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interests in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g., apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).

I just wanted to put this here for you @ForWorthyTiger If you consider your DS's sensory seeking behaviour (B4), interest in letters (B3), lack of ability to follow social routines (A3), lack of normal communication (A1), and the fact that pre-school are recommending an EHCP with 1:1 support (D), you'll see that he really does tick a lot of the boxes, from your description.

LAs have Early years inclusion funding that pre school settings are able to access which would enable providers to employ an additional adult to support children who are likely to require an EHCP.
www.gov.uk/government/publications/early-years-business-sustainability-guides-for-providers/extra-sources-of-income-for-early-years-providers

I have known deferred children to spend an additional year in Nursery then go into Reception. I’ve never known a deferred child to go straight into Y1 as that would make little sense.

I’d like to reassure you that most school teachers & TAs will get to know your son as the unique individual he is and will offer him interventions that are appropriate for him - not to a label. Don’t borrow trouble by worrying before you get there - it could all be fully documented by then if you are on a diagnosis pathway.

Lots of ND children don’t fit into any particular box. Most educators know that. If you aren’t sure what you want, wait a bit and see how he matures and develops. Is it you or the pre-school who are pushing to go for the EHCP?

He sounds like language disorder is going to be a big part of his experience.

Hyperlexia would not require a 1:1 or an ehcp, so it can’t just be that. Like everyone else, no two autistic people are the same, so he will be treated like an individual by his 1:1 regardless of his diagnosis. If he is in mainstream school with no extra support, he will be lumped in with everyone else as no one, apart from the frazzled SENDCo, will have read what the specialists have said.

https://exceptionalindividuals.com/neurodiversity/what-is-hyperlexia/

When is his birthday?

Craving order, sameness and routine is a bit of an ASD stereotype. Not every autistic person craves routine and order. And not every autistic person avoids sensory input. . It's very common to be a sensory seeker because of vestibular dysfunction and poor proprioception. My daughter is autistic and is happiest on her spinning chair with all of her sensory lamps switched on.
Being a chaotic sensory seeker doesn't mean your son can't be autistic. Especially if he displays other traits within the diagnostic criteria

The DSM 5 actually specifies a child only needs to have two out of the four traits they've described for restrictive and repetitive behaviour. I'm sure many children don't meet the need for sameness and order. It also specifies you can be a sensory seeker OR avoider.

It's worth going through the DSM 5 yourself to see what criteria he meets. That way you can put any doubts to rest and whatnot

He sounds like a fairly commonly presenting autistic to me. I’m not sure why you think he would be better served by being considered hyperlexic? If you want people to share their experiences then AIBU isn’t where parents of disabled children tend to open up. Try posting in SNchat or SNchildren.

Just usually you can only defer if summer born I believe (April-August). My son has a speech delay and I suspect autistic but because he will be four next year February I don't think he can be delayed.

Are you in Scotland?