To say DH can’t get a dog

I think you should stop financially subsidising the commitments he already can't meet. If you keep taking on his responsibilities, he probably just assumes you will do the same thing with his responsibilities to the dog. This is immature and unattractive. When he runs out of money ask him how he's going to feed his imaginary dog until payday.

This.

I suggest you tell him it's me or the dog.

If he's often run out of money before the end of the month and you are already buying a lot of the things his kids needs then it shouldn't be too complicated for him to understand that he can't afford a dog.

I think you should stop financially subsidising the commitments he already can't meet. If you keep taking on his responsibilities, he probably just assumes you will do the same thing with his responsibilities to the dog. This is immature and unattractive. When he runs out of money ask him how he's going to feed his imaginary dog until payday.

Dogs are expensive when cared for properly, I have 2’spaniels, basic costs (food,
insurance, health plan which covers vacs, flea treatments and wormers) comes in at £300 a month, then there’s the ad hoc expenses, holiday boarding £45 per day, then there’s time commitment, I spend at least 2 hours a day walking mine and also can’t leave them home alone for more than 3 hours - I know lots of people leave them much longer but I won’t with mine. Unless your both on board and can spare a couple of grand a year then don’t do it, it wouldn’t be fair on the dog.

Its not just the money. I am a committed dog lover would still have them if it was possible but if you are getting any pet then ALL the adults in the house need to agree to it for the sake of the animal.

He sounds like a child asking mummy for a doggy.

Also, why are you paying 50/50 and for extra stuff for HIS children while he sits there puffing away on cigarettes at £14.10 a packet. Why are you including your two cats in the household members equation as if the cats were extra children. Is he saying your one (joint, don't forget) child and your two cats are the financial burden equivalent of his three kids.

He's taking the piss quite enough already without a fucking dog. He saw you coming didn't he.

I think it very much depends on the dog. Leaving aside annual vet checks and vaccinations, our dog doesn't cost us an awful lot. There are no grooming fees, she gets through a large bag of kibble from Costco in about 6 weeks so that's under £30 for food, £20 for insurance and I get a pack of tennis balls for £9.99 intermittently. Chewies are about £15 and bags are 79p from Lidl.

My OH would like a dog, but I'm a firm no, so we are not having one! I would rather divorce than have a dog!

I have two small dogs and I’ll be honest the cost generally is minimal. That said, I just had a vet bill of close to grand. I’m prepared for the unexpected expense though and knew the dogs meant sacrifice of my time and holidays etc. when I got the dogs it was affordable and I decided no matter what I’d make it work in the years to come. Had me and my ex of been in your situation it would have been downright selfish for me to have got them and I wouldn’t have added that stress and strain. He cannot afford to pay for his kids nevermind a dog!

the dog person in me would say yes to a dog providing he quits smoking and is smoke free for a year then we can look at a dog.

Yes, I said upthread my small terrier costs me at least £200 a month. I do t see how those figures can be remotely true!

Don’t get a dog . Also I would tell him that you won’t be paying for his children.
If his kids live with you even part time you are effectively paying for some of hot water and electricity etc they use

Normally, I feel it's wrong to refuse to consider having a pet in the house if your spouse wants one, but there are some caveats, and you have plenty of legitimate reasons for not wanting to add a dog to the household. There's not enough spare money, time, or attention in your lives for a dog, and it would be a bad idea to get one now. I'd say he needs to put it off for a while, at least.

If only one family member is saying no, that’s a no all around.

I work from home and have a lovely dog (joint decision between myself and DH) but as I’m home, naturally I do all the walking, feeding and general care. When I go into the office, I organise for the dog walkers to come in, all the dog admin is down to me. All the training is also down to me.

I love having a dog, and I love doing all of the above. He costs me a fortune (pet insurance alone is more than my car and house insurance combined) but I made the decision to have him, and I enjoy taking care of him. All of the above would be hell for anyone who doesn’t want a dog!

@JFDIYOLO whilst a lovely idea, that calculator is really inaccurate and wildly out of date and actually works against OP!

Idiots, or people so desperate for a dog like OP's DH, will look at the minimum cost of a large dog (for example) - because they will do anything to convince themselves they deserve a dog - and see this sort of math:

£6,900, divided by 10 (lets take that as an average life expectancy of a larger breed) = £690 a year.
£690 divided by 12 (for the months) = £57 a month.

Even at the top end £15,500, divided by 10 (Years) = £1,550 a year. Divided by 12 (Months) = £129 a month.

Those figures are just so wildly inaccurate for a large dog I don't even know where to begin.

My youngest is two and costs me well over £250 a month. Even his monthly insurance is more than £57 a month. God's know where PDSA got their figures from because even 10 years ago, let alone the 2023 numbers they are quoting, there was no way £129 a month would take care of a large dog.

Show him this - the PDSA on the true cost of owning a dog:

https://www.pdsa.org.uk/pet-help-and-advice/looking-after-your-pet/puppies-dogs/the-cost-of-owning-a-dog

Also calculate how much family money he's coughing away on smoking.

Then share all that with the kids' mother.

YANBU, it has to be a joint decision. Dogs are a HUGE commitment! (And expensive.) You already have 4 children between you, and a high mortgage. Is your DH normally so immature and irresponsible?!

Just like having another child, getting a pet has to be a decision everyone agrees to, or it shouldn’t happen.

You have to say no. You don't want a dog, therefore it shouldn't happen. The whole household needs to be 100% committed. You are not.

To add, I have a small rescue dog that I have had for 9 years. Last year he cost me just under £6K and I don't even need dog walkers/doggy daycare as I work from home. He did have a couple of unexpected vet bills though even though he's insured, which is something you have always be prepared to pay for.

I love dogs. I have my own. But you are definitely not being unreasonable.

A dog takes time, money & effort. If he would only take it to work 2 days a week, that's very little effort. He obviously also does not have extra time or money.

He can't afford stuff at the end of the month, but I bet he always has his cigarettes. He needs to cut down or give up smoking. Or find other expenses of his that can be cut. Adding a new dog into this would be ridiculous. And a lot of extra work and cost for you.

This is ridiculous. Is he a child? No responsible adult would reason this way. He can't afford his current lifestyle, yet he wants to bring in an expensive and sentient pet into this? There is no way a dog would benefit from living with him. You also already have two cats, there is no guarantee that they will be safe from this dog.

Honestly, how can you even be attracted to a man who can't even sustain himself or his children independently?

Just like having another child, getting a pet has to be a decision everyone agrees to, or it shouldn’t happen.
You’re especially not being unreasonable here as you’d be the one doing a lot of the care for the dog, plus he can’t afford it. My answer in your position would be an unequivocal NO.

If you're shelling out for things for his children, because he's spent his money on fags and can't budget from one month to the next, ask him to explain how he can afford a dog?

Include all food, vets bills, insurance, and a pet sitter for the three days a week he won't be taking it to work.

He can't afford a dog.

What breed does he want? There’s a huge difference between getting something low maintenance and cheap and something like a cockerpoo or a Goldie…

TBH regardless, if you don’t want one then it’s a no. Both adults have to be on board and dogs and small children do not mix in busy households (as a breeder I don’t sell to anyone with a child under a certain age)