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Original poster

My husband is pissing me off!!

292 replies

ambeRe · 11/03/2025 01:38

My husband and I I have been married for 8 years. 3 kids together our last being twins a month old. He lost his job and 2 months before my due date he accepted a job a hour away from home. He told me things would stay the same but has been staying over with his grandparents while he's working. He works Monday-Friday he leaves Monday morning and returns Friday after work. I'm exhausted he gets off work and wants to talk until he goes to sleep. Some days he gets off and goes sight seeing or out with friends and I'm home alone with our babies.

I have told him we either move or he comes home at night. He told me things would not be like this for long. It's been like this since being discharged from the hospital. The past couple of weeks I just don't have any words for him and now he's not speaking to me. I'm taking on the job of 2 parents and I'm drained. I'm so fucking pissed I don't want to talk to him most days. He either does not care or he does not understand how hard things are for me.

I tried being understanding not anymore. I no longer have a life outside of being a mom. My days are a blur. We moved 4 years ago so I'm not near family. I have amazing neighbors and friends who help when they can, but he should be here. Hearing him out enjoying himself while I'm home with newborn twins and a 6 year old makes my blood boil.

I'm no longer asking him what's next. If things do not change soon I will be moving back home.This is so hard on me. I go without eating because I just do not have the time. I'm in the house majority of the time I have my own vehicle but it's a lot being out with small children with no help. I love my babies just sometimes I need a fucking break. Between school drop offs/pick ups, packing lunch, school activities, bottle washing, cleaning, cooking, running errands etc. I'm beat by 2 pm.

OP posts:
chattychatter · 11/03/2025 08:13

Agree with others and would be inclined to know if there is anyone else involved (unsure if anyone else had said this).

Most people I know have a 50-60 min commute. It is nothing short of ridiculous to stay away all week due to this - and would give me the absolute ick for him if I am being honest with you.

chattychatter · 11/03/2025 08:11

ambeRe · 11/03/2025 02:32

He was a very involved/ hands on dad with our oldest. He's never home alone with all 3 children alone. If I leave I will take 1 of the kids because I know it's a lot to handle.

Show quote history

OP? If you leave you will take one of the kids… but he leaves every week and leaves you will them all? Re read that. You are supporting his lack of being able to be a parent.

SuperTrooper14 · 11/03/2025 08:11

It's an hour's commute?! I thought you were going to say it was four or five! He should be ashamed leaving his wife to cope with newborn twins. I'd love to know how he's explaining this set-up to his new work colleagues and his grandparents and friends.

I think it's time for an ultimatum. Either he starts coming home every night or you are moving yourself and your DC back to where your family live.

Miloarmadillo2 · 11/03/2025 08:09

I’m speechless with anger on your behalf @ambeRe .
If the twins are bottle fed walk out the door the minute he returns on Friday night and book yourself into a hotel for 2 nights of blissful sleep and room service. Return on Sunday to have a serious conversation with a broken man about how to more fairly split the load. He could be around for 14 hours out of every 24 to help with dinner and bedtime and do a late feed so you could get one decent block of sleep. What a selfish wanker!

Fingeronthebutton · 11/03/2025 08:04

I’ve been in the situation where we discovered my bil had a second family.
Have you spoken to the grandparents.

H0CUSPOCUS · 11/03/2025 07:59

Oh OP you poor thing. I'm so sorry. And in your altered hormone state as well.
I wish I could come over and give you a hug and help with your kids for a morning.
I hate him
I think you should show him this thread really

WessexPrincess · 11/03/2025 07:56

Wow OP, what an absolute cunt. He should be ashamed of himself.

ShouldIEvenBother · 11/03/2025 07:55

Is he having an affair or does he hate having a family and the responsibility it brings?

It is at least one of these things.

Sorry OP. This is awful. Unforgivable.

BountifulPantry · 11/03/2025 07:51

OP believe me he 100% gets it. The fault is not with you for not explaining it properly. You’re basically a single parent now- start acting like it. Act in your best interest from not on. What would be best for you personally?

Bumblebeestiltskin · 11/03/2025 07:51

I can't imagine my daughter's dad leaving me to do everything while she was a newborn, and that was just with one baby, let alone TWO newborns and another child! Please pack up yours and the kids' stuff today and go, this is horrible!

Codlingmoths · 11/03/2025 07:49

My husband drives that far every day, leaves the house by 6am and finishes work early to collect our 3 dc from school and nursery. If I were you I’d want to carve him up with a rusty spoon, so I suggest walk out on Friday night, possibly come back Sunday, and plan moving home. He doesn’t get any say in what you and the kids do, the way he’s acting he doesn’t want any role in their lives.

Bestfootforward11 · 11/03/2025 07:48

I’m sorry, this sounds hard. A 1 hour commute is no big deal at all. My commute is 1hr 15 and my husbands 1hr 30 or more. We live in Greater London and that’s what a lot of people do. I think he’s being selfish. I can understand the odd night but Monday to Friday is ridiculous. His position then is because it’s so tiring for him to commute, you have to be exhausted to facilitate that. Why does his fatigue trump yours? Especially when you’ve just given birth! I honestly think he’s an idiot. I cannot see how this is fair or kind.

SoInLuv · 11/03/2025 07:44

joshingaround · 11/03/2025 02:11

When I lived in Greater London, (zone 6) most parents who worked in the city had a commute of at least an hour and sometimes 1hr 20 mins to get to work. That was normal. NONE of them would have dared to dream to stay in town, ever, let alone with newborn twins at home!!!!

Your DH is a selfish wanker who only cares about himself. So what if he has an hour commute? That is normal for many family breadwinners. Par for the course if you want a decent job with a decent wage. Staying overnight rather than driving home and hour to see your children and do your share of childcare for newborn children? When your wife has just given birth? Fucking hell. He's checked out OP. Have my first ever LTB

I agree!

Busybeemumm · 11/03/2025 07:43

Ginmonkeyagain · 11/03/2025 07:37

That sound you can hear is the whole working population of London and the surrounding areas pissing themselves laughing at your husband. I live in Zone 3 London and door to door it takes me an hour to get to work (often more if the public transport connections mess up). I am considered to have a pretty easy commute compared with many colleagues.

Love this- so true😅about leave soon to squeeze myself onto the tube for my hour commute!!

Gettingbysomehow · 11/03/2025 07:41

What an absolute pathetic wimp he is. My last job was a two hour drive there and a two hour drive back and he can't manage an hours drive. It's obvious he doesn't want to look after his own kids. I'd be fuming.
I'd go back to my family and ditch this selfish stupid man.

Annettecurtaintwitcher · 11/03/2025 07:40

He sounds so utterly selfish. An hours commute is pretty standard. I can’t understand how he can even just this to himself let alone anyone else. Tell him it changes now or you are leaving him.

Everydayimhuffling · 11/03/2025 07:39

I would be telling him that the next time he didn't come home I would change the locks and file for divorce. I'd also tell the grandparents that if they let him stay they would soon be getting him full time as he would not have anywhere else to live.

I wouldn't do that to someone I loved, OP. Would you? Because it seems pretty clear that he doesn't love you.

Waterlilysunset · 11/03/2025 07:37

I’ve never had a commute less than an hour. (London to London central).
my husbands is currently 1.5 each way.

I’ve done 2 hours each way before (north to south London and back every day)

that is honestly the shittest excuse I’ve heard to avoid being a dad and adequate husband

JustWalkingTheDogs · 11/03/2025 07:37

For starters, I'd arrange with family, friends or book myself into a hotel Friday and Saturday night (alone, no kids), so you can have a break and think straight.

Secondly I'd start to look into what you need to do to move closer to your family. Clearly he's a selfish wamker with no intention to make the situation any better, so in your shoes op I'd move back closer to family. You can start to plan on your weekend away .

Ginmonkeyagain · 11/03/2025 07:37

That sound you can hear is the whole working population of London and the surrounding areas pissing themselves laughing at your husband. I live in Zone 3 London and door to door it takes me an hour to get to work (often more if the public transport connections mess up). I am considered to have a pretty easy commute compared with many colleagues.

SALaw · 11/03/2025 07:34

Can you speak with his Grandparents about this? They are facilitating him. They should be saying he belongs home with his wife and 3 children. You also keep saying he assures you it will change but presumably he then packs clothes for 5 days every Monday? This weekend I'd be saying I expect you not to pack and I expect you home each night. If he doesn't then he's failed the ultimatum basically.

sheep73 · 11/03/2025 07:32

Sorry not manage up.. man up..

sheep73 · 11/03/2025 07:32

Our daughter has a 1hr 15min commute each way to school...

Your husband needs to manage up.

At the very least he can come every other night. Tell the grandparents you cannot cope on your own and get them on side or start looking for maternity nannies and tell him the cost.

wemberlee · 11/03/2025 07:32

I'm sorry to say this but I'd find it more believable that he is leaving you rather than the fact he is too tired for a 1 hour journey. That is the least believable option in this scenario.

My personal view is that he is just a pathetic man that doesn't respect his wife and has no interest in raising a family.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 11/03/2025 07:32

Staying away from home because of a 1 hour commute? I've never heard anything so utterly ridiculous in all my life. And the reason is because he's tired. He's tired? HE'S tired?! How utterly pathetic.

Just pack your bags and go home OP. This pathetic excuse of a man has clearly checked out of your marriage. Go and be with your family and give him the divorce he obviously wants but is to chicken to ask for.

I'm so sorry he has behaved in this way.