My husband is pissing me off!!

I used to work 12 hours shifts with a 1 hour commute. I would not have dreamed of not going home unless weather made the roads completely impassible.

I agree with some of the previous posters who suspect he's seeing someone where he is. This is more than checking out, he's abandoned you with infant twins along with your older child. Are his grandparents really enabling this by having him stay 5 days a week while knowing he is abandoning his family? I sure wouldn't be ok with that.

An hour commute? He’s a pathetic little cunt isn’t he!? He might have a point if it was 3 hours each way.

I’m so sorry. If this has proven anything, it’s that you can be a single mum with ease. Because you already are. In fact, you’ll be better off. Him taking the kids on weekends, or even EOW, will give you more of a break and much more support than you’re getting now.

Beyond a joke this. Too tired to drive for an hour but can go on a hike?? Time to stop all the kindness and understanding, he’s left you in the trenches alone while he has peaceful relaxing evenings. The offence itself is very nearly unforgivable. The fact he isn’t willing to accept it’s an offence is definitely unforgivable. Selfish man baby. I also present you with my first ever LTB.

Don’t ever be ashamed of what he’s doing. He should be ashamed. Tell anyone you like why you’re struggling and how alone you’ve been left since giving birth to your twins. He deserves the whole world coming down on him about this.

I am so furious for you @ambeRe

What a complete and utter dickhead.

Tired!! 1hr commute FFS!! He should be home every night and taking over from you the moment he walks in.

What sort of 'office job' does he have that is so important and taxing to be away from his family THE WHOLE WEEK when he is only an hour away? Is he a spy? Do thousands of lives depend on him being alert?

AND YOU HAVE NEWBORN TWINS!!!!

He is a bastard. I would not wait until Friday. I would just pack up and go to your parents. Your living situation is not sustainable.

Honestly, he's a cunt (and I hate using that word).

It's not about the commute. He doesn't want to find a job closer beyhe wouldn't have an excuse then.

Nothing will change soon if you wait for him.

I know you're exhausted and overwhelmed, you deserve so much more.l, but it's now up to you to make the changes.

And leaving you on your own when you were ill us disgusting.

Don't wait till Friday, he's had plenty of warnings every time you've told him you need him back home.

The issue is that a 7 hour working day and then a one hour drive home is completely normal and doable. It would be easier if his work was more local, but his current situation doesn't mean that he lives too far away to travel home each night. It's obviously an excuse to either get out of doing any parenting and/or to start leading the single life again.

I'm sorry but the being too tired to drive an hour home sounds an absolute lie to me. There's surely something else going on. I wouldn't be messing around with going out on a Saturday morning etc. He's checked out of your marriage. You're better making a plan. Wishing you all the best.

My goodness op, you have the patience of a saint! I'm so glad you're putting an end to this one way or another.

As a pp mentioned please don't wait til Friday, he needs to hear it now and be home tonight. He's left you on your own with newborn twins as well as your 6 year old. For a month whilst he's being spoilt by his grandparents because he has a 7 hour day sat in an office.

Honestly, I'm absolutely fuming on your behalf. He doesn't deserve you, you've already proven how amazing you are, please go home and get the support you deserve. What he's done is unforgivable and I know saying LTB is such an easy thing to say when it's not your life but he is just a despicable piece of shit.

Take care of yourself, your babies need you and you can't take care of them running on empty. Take the support.

Nah my husband has an hour and half drive to work a 10 hour shift then drives home. This is not on. I don't blame you for being pissed off.

He can't come home because work is 1 HOUR away????

Pack up and go back to your parents. He's taking the absolute piss!!
How do his grandparents feel about him abandoning his family?

Why are his parents/ grandparents enabling this nonsense? Go pack up and move home. He won't realise til Saturday

Sorry, I don't want to worry you even more, but it's likely that he has someone on the side. If he was very hands-on with your first, there is absolutely no way he would be avoiding his children this time especially when they and you need him most. I think he's checked out. Tell everybody what's going on, don't keep it a secret. He should absolutely feel the pressure.

When our babies were small, my (now ex) husband worked 1.5 hours from home. there was never a question of him not coming home. He wanted the promotion so he was willing to travel. An hour is not an unreasonable commute. Not ideal, but more than doable. I only work about 15 miles from home and can take me 45 minutes in the mornings with traffic. He is being unreasonable.

Jesus what a cunt.

I used to work combos of mixed day and night shifts that were 13 hours long in an utterly mentally and physically demanding job and I had three kids. I had a 90 minute mixed transport commute, drove to a zone 6 station fucked about trying to find a parking space for ages then got a train into London, followed by a walk into work walk (then in reverse to get home obviously).

I was often exhausted but I never considered just staying away and not coming home, not just because i wanted to see the kids but because i wanted TO SEE MY PARTNER.

putting aside how terrible it is that he thinks leaving you for a full week parenting three kids (including small twins) is absolutely ok, he doesn’t give a shit about spending any time with YOU the person he’s supposed to love, the person he chose to make a family with.

This is horrible. He doesn’t care about about the impact on you of doing all the work at home, or how lonely and isolated this situation makes you and he doesn’t even feel like he wants to do a perfectly normal 1 hour commute to spend his evenings with you.

My office is an hour away, I leave at 7am just in case there's lots of traffic, but I'm mostly there by about 8am.

Do I like the commute? No, not really. If staying over was an option, would I do it? No of course not, I actually LIKE my family!

What an absolute shitheel. Do whatever you need to do to make your life easier - he is.

@ambeRe I have twins too, although mine are 16 so a whole 'nother set of issues! It will get easier I promise. Don't not eat and not shower and all the rest of it, stick em in front of the tv for 10 mins while you make lunch, let them cry in their cots for 10 mins while you go to the loo - your mental health and wellbeing is just as important, especially when the other parent is clearly not picking up any of the load!

So he has a 7 hour work day with a one hour commute each way? What a dick! There's no way that's "exhausting" and too dangerous to drive home.

Unless it's 7 hours of heavy duty manual physical labour he's got no excuse to not be coming home (I've seen it's an office job he has so this doesn't wash at all).

I leave my house at 8 am and regularly don't get home until 8pm so I've done a 3 hour longer day than he would if he was commuting from home.

He's clearly being ridiculous.

I'd show him this post and all the responses. He should be embarrassed of himself.

An hour commute, to work and an hour home again in the evening, doesn't equate to the need to stay away Monday-Friday. If he was travelling 4 hours each way, then absolutely, I would understand but not an hour each way! That's taking the piss. I'm not surprised you are exhausted, having 1 newborn is exhausting, but 2 is even more so, plus an older child too. An hour commute is nothing in this day and age. You need a serious conversation with your husband when he returns on Friday. He needs to be coming home every single night, to help you, not staying away socialising. He's been extremely selfish.

I wouldn't be able to forgive him. As a pp said he's a selfish disgrace.

I’m glad you’ve told your parents what is going on @ambeRe . Could one or both of them come down to help you out for the next few days? Even if your H was home every night I think you could do with help and company coping with newborn twins - if you have a good relationship with your parents having some help during the day would make a big difference. They could look after all the children whilst you read the riot act to H this weekend.

Help? Help? He's not even present.

Why are posters saying help when a child has 2 parents. The babies are only a month old. Both parents should be parenting.

I’m so pleased you called your parents. We all think you’re an absolute Queen and have so much respect for you.

We don’t live in a world where it’s safe to do this, but I bet 100% of people on this post would absolutely move stuff around and push through tiredness to come round and help you for a bit - and we’re internet strangers.

@ambeRe what a selfish lazy prick!!! it is only an hour away! absolutely nothing to stop him driving there and back every day, especially considering that he only works 7 hours a day. even adding on one hour for lunch. that is still only 10 hours. twin infants must be a nightmare! ultimatum time, I think! surely his grandmother must realise how difficult it is for you with twin babies and another to run back and forward to school every day? she should be telling him to get home to his family, but is instead choosing to be selfish and have her grandson for company!