My husband is pissing me off!!

I’m so glad your Dad is coming to pick you up. You’ll get the support you need with your family. If he can’t step up now and promise dramatic changes you’ve made the absolute right decision to leave and never look back.

You poor love. I am so glad your family are there to help you. Hopefully
tou can get a little respite to feel a bit more normal soon and deal with the aftermath of leaving. It will hit him when you’ve gone but that’s too late isn’t it!

Don't be hard on yourself op. You've been managing with so much, it's overwhelming all the physical work let alone the me talk loads on your own.
Then to try and think about your relationship and all of that, it's completely understandable!

The important thing is you've said something now and your parents will be able to support you.

Well done!! X

Well done! You deserve so much better than this sorry excuse for a man.
He’s just another child that wants to be pampered so let his grandparents keep him.

@ambeRe even if he did turn up all sorry would you really feel the same about him now ?
He ditched you with two new borns and his other kids who are use to him being around.
Haven't you lost respect for this selfish man .

I think the best thing you can do is leave and go to your family get yourself settled there with support around you .
Then maybe in the future If he proves himself but it wouldn’t be me .

Unless he was straight in the car to come home to you, then you have your answer.

Go where you get your support - while hard to walk away, it won't be any harder than trying to keep going alone.

What an arsehole. There’s absolutely no need for an overnight with an hour commute each way. My DH did almost double that and come home and pick kids up from childcare, feed them etc before I got home. I’d do the morning drop off etc. He is taking the piss. He needs to either get another job and leave this one immediately or accept the commute while looking for another job. I do think the commute is totally fine long term though. It’s nothing.

Jeez, I have so much rage for you reading this.

I commuted five times a week, over an hour a day for over 15 years!!! I never once even thought about staying over!

The asshole has just used it as an excuse to check out of looking after his family and go be mollycoddled and waited on hand and foot by his grandparents.

Seething for you.

He's taking the piss. 1hr commute is normal. Do I think if occasionally he'd said that he needed to stay late or be in a 7am so he was at his grandparents that night it would be terrible - of course not.

But he's doing it every night, too tired to drive home but woke enough to go sightseeing? Or drinking?

You're living like a single mam it's ridiculous. I'd be telling him he has to commute and stay out by exception

OP I can only imagine how exhausted you are. I'm so sorry you are going through this. As everyone else has already said, your husband is being completely selfish and his excuse of a 1 hour commute is complete rubbish. My husband worked in London for years and had a hour's journey either way & at one point continued working till 10 p.m. at home. He has always came back home unless he was away on work trips, so your husband's excuse is absymal. And socialising with his friends instead of being home with you and the children beggers belief.

I also don't understand why his grand parents are supporting this. What does your husband's mom and dad make of this behaviour?? Surely if this was known in the family he would be named and shamed. I think if it were me I would have said something to his and my own family before now. His friends should be saying something instead of enabling him! Its completely disgusting.

I think you are doing the right thing to go back to be near your family so you can have some support. I don't know if this is something that can be worked out between you, but I do think you are right to go home because you need any and all the help that you can get. Once you are getting back up from your friends and family (and I hope some sleep) you can make a rational decision about what you want to do. Your family must be livid with him too, and I would make sure everyone in his family and his friends know what he's done.

Why he is doing this - well I agree with alot of the other comments on here, but I too would be wondering if he is having an affair or met someone at his new job? I'm sorry to say it but that would be my thought.

Stay strong. You will get through this, even if its without the waste of space that is your husband.

Well done OP. He's checked out of family life.

You’re doing the right thing. He hasn’t cared about you being upset all this time.

Please op don’t put up with this any longer. I am disgusted with both your DH and his grandparents for enabling this shit. I have told my DH and he can’t believe any man who loved his wife and kids could do this to them. I don’t often say this but I would leave go to your parents and send him the responses on this thread.

This prick of a man has checked out op.

Go home and let your family support you.

my dh works 12 hour shhift work- ommutes hour an a half each way-your h is a bastard

Get a job near your grandparents and leave the school runs to your DH?

I feel that an hour commute is basically nothing. I usually take about 45 mins door
to door but sometimes if there’s traffic it can be an hour and half. No fucking way would I need to stay near my office. I’m in London so an hour is standard. But have lived in other parts of the country and most people have to travel to work and an hour would not be considered an unreasonable distance.

Ultimatum and deadline needed now! Bloody hell, my school run 2 x day takes longer than his commute. Newborns and a school aged child alone 😓 Complete lack of awareness or aware but he doesn’t care?
My major concern would be his lack of interest. Wild horses wouldn’t have kept my DH away from missing those first few weeks.
I would tell him one night away at his gps maximum, or fuck off.

I am sorry OP but having an hour commute is nothing, it is literally the least any of my friends and coworkers have. He simply does not want to deal with the responsibilities. He has an amazing, easy life and you are struggling. You have to stop this right now, and do not ask him but tell him, or else you and the kids will go back to be closer to your family.

Your own worse enemy he doesn’t know what’s involved. You need at least one day or 2x half days at weekend and give him full responsibility.

Just, what the fuck?!

Every time he phones just answer with "are you on your way home? No? Well I'm busy." And hang up. Don't apologise. Every. Single. Time.

I used to finish at 5 and an hour's train leaving at 5:25 meant I was home (in the door) at 6:45. Ever night. Leaving the house at 7. He needs to get a grip!

Beyond a joke. It’s so ridiculous for the first time I have to say LTB. Good luck and congratulations on your precious babies