My husband is pissing me off!!

Your DH has just won the Mumsnet award for prick of the year. What an absolute joke he is. A dead loss. Ducking useless.

Honestly you can do better and the sooner you and your children move on from this selfish idiot the better.

Sending a huge hug .

I assume Op means that when she goes out at the weekend, she takes a child with her, because he can’t cope with all three at once?

She’s not talking about only taking one child with her if she leaves her dh!

Can’t believe Op has to do the shopping as well! The man of the house really is useless!

Wow that’s insane. My DH works a longer day plus an hour (at least) commute but still manages to do bedtime every night with our toddler.

As he gets up early my compromise is he sleeps in the spare room so he can gets a full nights sleep. I’m breastfeeding our newborn anyway so he can’t really help.

I really feel for you - our families live a few hours from us so like you we don’t have hands on help. I don’t know how you’re doing it with twins and it’s not like you can even stay with family as your DD will have school.

surely he can see what it’s doing to you and how selfish he is being. You must really love him as I couldn’t deal with that for a minute.

Might as well divorce tbh. You’re already a single parent. I’m so sorry OP I have no words for how insanely selfish this man is. You keep saying it’s a long way, but it’s not, it’s a fairly standard length for a commute that many of us are doing to work and back every day! There’s no excuse for this, he just cannot be fucked participating in family life, and in that case get rid of the dead weight.

How can he be too tired? If it’s standard office hours he leaves at eg 8am and is home by 6pm.

How far away is home for you? I’d be off there tomorrow and figure the rest out later.

i don’t know how you can bear to look at it him when he does decide to honour you with his presence.

So if you leave you're only taking one of the kids with you?

So this has been going on for four months since the birth of your twins? You poor thing Op. It’s simply not sustainable. He has, other than earning, and three weekends at home, completely abandoned his responsibilities as a husband and father.

Of all the twattiest husbands written about on Mumsnet, I think this is one of the very worst examples. I feel livid on your behalf Op.

In fact twattiest is too benign a description of him. How can he even live with himself? How can he look in the mirror? How can his grandparents bear to look at him? The fact that he is not reeling with shame when challenged is very telling. And he is the one not speaking to you? Words fail me frankly.

Does he have any idea what it takes to look after twins? How on earth can he sit down to dinner with his gps and relax and sleep at night knowing you are at home struggling? Can a member of your family ring him up and tell him what he thinks of his behaviour? It’s utterly despicable!

I think if he doesn’t stop this right now you honestly have grounds to leave him because it’s getting to the point that you will never forget this and it will always be a stumbling block in your marriage.

Was he with you at the birth? Did he take any paternity leave? How are you getting any sleep at all? Does he really think that his role only extends to bringing in an income and now you have twin babies it’s ok for him to do less childcare than he did before they were born?

It’s not my place to speculate, especially when you say he was a very involved dad with your eldest, but the timing of this seems suspicious to me. How did he come to lose his job? And what was his reaction to you having twins?

Sorry but someone who is capable of doing what he is doing to you right now Op, letting you down at a time when you need him the very most, is entirely capable of dreaming up this scheme to avoid responsibility. Be careful, I sincerely hope it isn’t, but do you think this could be strategic?

Other than severe depression, extreme stupidity, overwhelming anxiety or stress and fear, and even then he would be treading on extremely thin ice, what is his fucking excuse? 😡. Tiredness? Hah! Doesn’t he see the huge irony in that?

Ultimatums are never usually productive, but I think in this instance, you would be entirely justified in presenting him with one op. Keep strong 💐

My commute was an hour in the morning early and an hour and a half in the evening , on a good day.
I did this for years.
He is an idiot.

Absolutely ridiculous behaviour from your husband and I’d be reading him the riot act. The sleeping away during the week must stop immediately, he’s opting out of family life and he’s opting out of your marriage by doing so imo. An hour commute isn’t far at all particularly on top of a short working day.

@ambeRe Let me understand this. He stays away from Monday-Friday because he is too "tired" to be making that one-hour drive. But, when he can or wants to, he goes out sightseeing or just out with friends and not tired but NOT coming home to be with you and the children?
If that above is correct, no wonder you are pissed off! At the least, you should see if you could go home for a couple of weeks and stay with family. During that time, you can see if he is truly worth this much hassle and babying. Personally, he doesn't seem worth the bother. Being near your family would be better for you and better for the children.
At least, going home for a break would give you some rest because you know your family will help you and love on you.
UnMN{{HUGS}} for dealing with way more than you should have to right now (or ever).

Goodness me, an hour commute is normal!! Not sure where you are in the country but it’s absolutely standard for many.

You are at home alone with three kids for 5 consecutive days, but yet an hour commute is being considered as the harder option here!! Too tired to drive from working a 7 hour day? I’m absolutely sure you’re too tired to drive your kids to school/to clubs from being up all night with twins and handling three kids alone?? You are without question, hands down, the one who will be the most tired out of you both. But that’s ok.. even though you’re the one driving the precious cargo of kids around??

Gosh I’m sure you’d love to sit alone for an hour listening to music or a podcast twice a day, what a luxury. Absolutely not a need to stay somewhere overnight.

Him staying away at night because he has a 1 hour commute is ridiculous. And leaving you with newborn twins for five out of seven days because, waaaah, he's too tired to drive an hour... unbelievable.

I think he's showing you who is boss here. His comfort is very important. Your health is not. Your twins are not important. Your 6 year old is not important. Only your husband is important (in his own eyes).

Agree to leave him Saturday morning with all the children. Just say to him you are exhausted and you need a few hours to yourself and go out. This is one of the craziest things I have read on here, I honestly can't believe your husband just awful, I would be beyond furious

Bloody hell that's pathetic. I work 12 hour shifts with a 1 hour commute either side. Granted I only do 3 days not 5 but I'm desperate to get home to catch some time with my partner and dogs at the end of the working day. I'd much rather be with them than overnight nearer work. He's taking the piss and has essentially opted out of child rearing leaving you in the trenches alone.

My commute is an hour's drive each way without traffic!! It's absolutely nothing.

He's shirking his responsibilities because he can't be arsed.

If I were you, I would be moving back near my family.

He's not interested in family life.

An hour commute is pretty normal, my husband's is longer.

Can you book a hotel for next Friday & Saturday nights and leave him with the kids? (Express? Formula?) He’s living the life of Riley being spoiled by grandies while you’re doing it rough.