My husband is pissing me off!!

Wtf did I just read? I can’t believe men like this exist. Something is very off tho, @HuskyNew is right, are you sure he is with grandparents?
Does he not miss his children? My blood is boiling for you!

Surely the answer here is he's moved out? He's left you & his kids

No one thinks that a 7hr office job & 1 hr commmute is a reasonable justification for staying away all week. That's just preposterous. If he isn't stupid, he can't believe that's ok.

So that leaves you with the conclusion he KNOWS it's wrong, but something has driven him to it anyway.

He doesn't want to be at home with you & the babies. I know that's hard to hear, but better to face reality and plan your life now in the knowledge of what's he's like.

How certain are you he's with grandparents? That doesn't ring true either - they should be sending g him home if your version of events is true. I suspect he's told them something else.

What happens on a weekend? Does he bring you all his washing etc?

I think you need to gather your support network & prepare for life as a single mum.

Surely his grandparents realise he should be at home with newborns?!

Wow. I have people in my team who commute 1.5hrs each way. He is taking the P. Maybe stay over once, mid week, but he is too tired to drive home, when you’re the one doing all the hard work. He is going off sightseeing? He should be home with his kids. I wouldn’t be sitting on a call with him for hours either, he could spend that time driving home. I’d be furious that he even think this is acceptable.

Seriously? He should be ashamed of himself. What an utter utter tool. His behaviour is abject. I am so sorry he is being so hopeless.

@ambeRe 💐I really feel for you. Your husband is an absolute disgrace and I would be furious at his grandparents too! Although, are they treating him like a little lord and mopping his brow after a hard day of 9 to 5 in the office?

You sound like an amazing mum. I’m so shocked to read this. How dare he! It’s like he’s another child for you to manage. This weekend you should go away all weekend and leave him to have the kids if you feel it’s safe to. What a dick!

What??? The freaking audacity!!!

you’re sick with three kids at home and instead of running to your side he suggests what medicine you take? Where’s the empathy with him? You’re post partum and struggling with three and he not only doesn’t acknowledge it but also doesn’t care.

I had twins many years ago and it is relentless. His behaviour is bizarre. Do his grandparents and work colleagues not tell him how crazy it is that he is doing anything outside of rushing home to help care for two newborns? Surely he misses the 6 year old.

@BungledUp I was you. I get it. I accepted I was stuck and was philosophical about it. Left when the DC were adults. I am very happy now. They all still live with me and I have no regrets.

@KittyMittyDooDah

You could have the grace to come back and apologise. That was nasty.

How are his parents not telling him to go home?! I guess it's clear why he's so selfish and entitled if his parents treat him like a kid.

He is taking the utter piss.

Sadly have to agree with this. And please stop saying 'it's a long way, and you don't mind him staying away some of the time'. It's really not. I commute an hour each way, 5 days a week. and until last year was commuting 4 hours round trip part of the week to a different job. He should be desperate to come home every day, see his babies, relieve you for a bit and spend time with his family.

Give an ultimatum, and for God's sake don't accept him staying away part of the week, it will creep back up again.

An hour commute is nothing! It used ti take me an hour and a half on trains at one point to get ti one of my jobs. And I’d be working 10 hours.

Could he be cheating? It sounds to me like he doesn’t want to be in the marriage and is making it hard for you so you initiate it.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

When do you ever catch a break :(

What an arsehole/man baby - how dare he :( newborn twins and he can’t man up enough to do the 1 hour commute. With 3 kids at home ? How does he explain that to the 6 years old ? What a bad role model he is..so sorry op, you deserve so much more

Agreed @MotherTuckinGenius or maybe she's up because she has newborn twins and one or both are not sleeping @KittyMittyDooDah 🤬

Or up in the night doing one of the many night feeds with twins.

He’s taking the piss out of you.

Tell him he either commutes or it’s over.

I can’t sleep now for rage over this 😂

I think I’d try kill with kindness and suggest he need to see the GP for tiredness and then bring it up with the grandparents how concerned you are and how much DD misses him- see what they think of the situation. Ask how he seems after work and how tired he really is!!

Also, tell him you are looking at getting a cleaner in to help out and if he doesn’t like that suggest at the weekends be batch cooks and sorts out school uniforms etc. If he can’t do that then you know he’s being selfish as surely he should be bending over backward to support you!

other than that, say this isn’t what was originally planned and ask if he is considering looking for a job closer to home. Say it can’t be good for him to be working to the extent he can’t handle a normal commute and should look for something else (again, the concerned wife approach).

I so feel for you- I just can’t imagine how crap you
must feel!

He's too tired!! 😡

I'm raging for you OP. I have no idea how you've been going it alone, for a month, with twins! If moving back home will get you help and support, I think you do it (even if it's not permanent).

@ambeRe

Similar situation but only two kids - one with an EHCP/SEN.

Thing is, I think I’m more pissed if when he is around - because he does no housework, or rather only does the housework that he ‘enjoys’ (cooking but leaving an almighty mess).

I’ve changed my job so I can do all housework/mental load/childcare needs.

I see DP as the financial security.

We are mostly on friendly terms (when I see him) but no ‘intimacy’. I don’t want it or miss it particularly. If I want social interaction, I’ve got great friends.

So it’s no way an ideal set up, but I think the alternative of finding my own house, full time job, no help with finances etc would be worse. I can be present for the children before/after school and take them to activities. Absolutely adore my children, they are utterly amazing, I love being their Mum.

The thing that pissed me off most is housework/mental load but it’s honestly easier if he is not there. If he is there, I fume more about why he’s doing fuck all. It’s been ‘man flu’ all weekend which has driven me mad. Strikes particularly badly when he doesn’t want to do something, magically gets better when the football is on…

An hour travelling is nothing. I used to do that with a train, tube and bus every day, sometimes there were delays and cancellations so it took longer. That's quite normal for many of us.

Your man is useless, frankly. Is he a baby? You'd be no worse off on your own.

@KittyMittyDooDah don't be such a prick! Not everyone on MN is in the UK on the same timezone. I'm guessing from the way she writes that she is in the USA.

My blood is boiling for you. I think this behaviour is one of the most disgusting I have read on Mumsnet. Your husband is a disgrace. An hour commute is less than most Londoners have. He's checked out of family life. I would threaten to leave if he doesn't come home every day and follow through with it. What a coward