My husband is pissing me off!!

Taking care of twins is intense at the best of times. I hope everything is better now, with the help from your Mum and Dad. I've been thinking about you and how you're doing. Such insane behaviour from your H.💞

God, that is so sad. He’s willing to lose his wife and 3 children so he can be babied at his grandparents’. What on earth is he thinking?
please take care of yourself.

Any update OP? @ambeRe

From the sounds of this sadly and unfortunately your husband will not change. He in his head he doesn’t have a good enough reason. You and your children deserve so much more than someone who can’t make time to drive an hour home to his family. My mother went through this with my father when my brother and I were younger, she had to divorce him to get him see he was standing in his own steaming pile of shit. I remember seeing her cry almost daily so that affected his relationships with us. I’m now 30 and haven’t spoken to my father now going on a decade. Going through that is rough, I wish you and your babies the best of luck.

His behaviour is completely unreasonable. My commute was 3 hours per day. Occasionally I would stay over if I had a late night and starting early but he is abdicating his responsibilities as a parent completely aided and abetting by his family. It's ultimatum time. What do you want him to do and what will you do if he doesn't?

I commute an hour to work. It's a long day but it's not that bad. Tell him to make himself a good play list to distract and keep him awake put the window down and get his butt home each day. Says he's too tired but not too tired to socialise and sight see after work as you mentioned. It does just seem like an excuse to not have to deal with house/family/children during the week. I'd put your foot down as at the moment he's a weekend dad but where is your break? I'd seriously consider if your happy in the relationship as at the moment it doesn't sound like breaking up would do anything other than give you some freedom at the weekend when he will have his time with the kids.

Wow, I have a hour each way commute in a big city and that's deemed reasonable. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

I am lost for words! I can't believe the selfishness of this. If he can't understand why you are angry and agree to step up to his responsibilities with the children, then I would seriously question whether I would want to spend the rest of my life with him.

You’re already on your own. 😪

I’d be willing to bet that your parents are not actually upset 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 you, as a parent I know would be upset with the c*nt you married & upset I didn’t know sooner. It might be coming out as towards you but its most likely for you.

I hope you get the love and support you need right now at your parents.

You've been pretty incredible to do everything with twins and another young one when your husband is MIA five days a week. Good luck.

While my husband had less than an hour commute, he worked 12+ hour shifts as a LEO when our children were small. He would still help with our children & household. Our children are now teens, but there are days I wonder how either of us survived the sleep deprivation. Your husband is NOT being a partner! You deserve so much more. While I have no insight to why he’s different with the twins, I do know to my very soul it is not you!

An hour away is nothing. My husband worked over an hour away for 5 years and came home every night. This is ridiculous, just sounds like he can't be bothered with the responsibilities he has at home.

@ambeRe just wondering how his friends are reacting to him

Would any of them be able to get through him and point his absolutely appalling, disgusting behaviour?

Wow op. This is so bloody selfish of him! An hours commute to an office job is pretty normal?? Wtf

good for you moving out. I hope you live a happy peaceful life

Tbh if you do move it will make him reflect and then hopefully he will actively listen and change his ways to keep his wife and kids. But ultimately you need to follow through on what your saying if he does indeed plan on staying away again all week if he comes home that's him trying but if he packs up for the week then you pack

Leave. He isn't listening you need to talk with your feet. Sounds like he cba with the kids a wife whose tired and stressed and wants to enjoy life again without it all. He sounds likes he's met someone who doesn't have a young family. Go to your parents and rest up. He can enjoy the alt weekends giving you more of a break

On the upside, you do get an award for distilling the whole of Mumsnet into one thread title.

Fuck me! What an absolute wanker of a husband you have! I used to commute an hour and a half to 2 hours each way as a single parent! Your husband is a useless waste of space and to be honest you would probably be better off without him! He needs to change his regime immediately as you are running yourself into the ground!

You have made the right decision. My DH was away mon-fri when I had DD1, and still later a newborn and a 19mth old. His commute and hours were longer though, But I only had one newborn at a time and honestly I was thinking again today how that period of our lives gave me PTSD ... it changed me and my.personality for the worse. I put my foot down at baby #3 and he moved back but the damage was done. I will never be the carefree positive person I was.

You have done the right thing, you will have more support and your mental and physical health will be helped and you will be better able to care for your children. Twins is no joke. You need to look after yourself so you can in turn look after them. Best of luck. Xx

What a selfish fuck. Hugs.

You have to do what’s best for your sanity. Fuck him.

This is so weird though, does he have some kind of MH issue after the twins came? It makes no sense to go from being hands on to deliberately moving out of the family home for no reason and actually allowing you all to leave rather than drive a couple of hours a day?? It's so idiotic as to suggest he's not right in the head.

He is utter scum.
Well done for moving home.
Twins are relentless.

What a spineless bastard he is.
Well done on making the decision that's best for you and your DC

Did he actually say anything when you said loads of people commute over 2 hours a day?

I hope you show him this thread and he feels ashamed of himself

OP, it’s shit now but you will not regret this decision.

I’m 10 years further down the line and should probably have left when they were toddlers, but here I am spending another night at after schools while he’s goes out to recover from his exhausting week. They don’t check back in again and you only resent them more.

You’ll get through this (maybe tell your parents to pipe down with the blame!!) xx

Even if he did step up though if I were you I would not be able to look at him in the same way again. If it takes a threat to your marriage to make him pull himself together then that’s not good enough. The effect it was having on you should have been enough.

if you do spilt up up don’t allow him to get away with not having the kids all together. He is prob worried about that. I wonder if grandparents will be as accommodating with 3 kids in tow