Found out fiancé is married to someone else

Hi OP, he’s betrayed your trust. And for no apparent reason. Why would he hide something like that? Then, he’s betraying your trust again saying he ‘forgot’. You don’t forget you’re married. That’s clearly a lie.

I see you’ve asked him to move out for a few days. I’d seriously consider this relationship and certainly wouldn’t put yourself at risk of pregnancy with him.

In the scant information you’ve given, it appears he doesn’t take much responsibility, including for being clear about how he feels, but just goes along with things:

• He had children with his wife but didn’t want to marry her
• He got married when he didn’t want to, then split within months
• He’s never sorted a divorce
• He’s trying for a child with you while still being married to someone else
• He’s got engaged to you while still being married to someone else.

Whose idea was it to try to a child with you and get engaged? Was it yours and he went along with it? How do you know it’s what he really wants when that’s what he appears to have done with his wife?

How you move forward depends on if you can trust him. I couldn’t trust someone who’d failed to be honest about something so important, then lied and said he forgot.

This man is capable of forgetting he is married.

Not sure you want to marry him after his divorce comes through ……. he might “forget” that he is married to you when he’s on a drunken night out.

It's a huge deal!

He ‘forgot’ to get divorced
pull the other one it’s got knobs on
run 🏃

And she can't legally be his "ex" if they're still married. She's his wife.

Did he take legal action to try stop her moving his children a 6 hour drive away from him?

And if that didn’t work, did he do an extensive job search where his children moved to, so that he could try move there also?

I would do both of those things if my children were being moved to the other side of the country. Wouldn’t you?

Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship. DO NOT HAVE A BABY WITH THIS LIAR.

Agree with everyone else. You don't 'forget' something like this.

Don't have a baby with him, honestly. He's not what you think he is.

This won’t be the only lie he’s told you. I wonder what else you might find out from his ex?

A 10 year marriage (because that’s what it is) is not insignificant. How do you know he’s being honest about when or how they split up?

Do not have a baby with this man.

He’s a walking, talking red flag.

She's under no obligation to change her name. A lot of women prefer to keep the same name as their children.

Def don't have a baby with this guy.

I've been married before briefly. I don't advertise it but I certainly know it and didn't hide it to my second husband.

Yes. For god’s sake stop trying for a baby. This man is a dud.

I experienced similar with a man who “forgot” he was still married and proposed.

No good will come of it - see it for the sign that it is. He is not able to marry you at the moment and the engagement is a performative breadcrumb.

stop trying for a baby - there is no fairytale ending here.

He's already married so he can't marry you. Did this not occur to him when he proposed? He's a liar and an idiot.

Aside the fact you now know he is a big fat liar……

You were trying for a baby with a man who only sees his existing two children every 6/7 weeks? Madness. He is not great Father material.

And you keep asking things like am I being silly, is this a big deal etc. I’m sorry but you sound very naive and missing big red flags. Take a big step back and reassess this whole situation.

Oh gawd, could his wife claim part of it?!

He doesn't respect you. At all.

He's a fantasist. I would be out of there like a shot. It's a big deal, he might not think so but he sounds soft in the head at best and a practised and strategic liar at worst.

Don't get pregnant. Don't get pregnant. Don't get pregnant. Leave him. Sell the ring if it's worth anything and not another fabrication, go on holiday with the proceeds to help flush this shit show out of your brain, and move on.

You're still young, this will become the mad story of when you got engaged to that bloke who was married if you let it. Don't make it the story of when you got pregnant with him and ended up finding out how good a liar he really was and how little he actually thought of you.

Bigamy.
It's a criminal offence and could lead to jail time. And he was going to involve you in that.
It's a minimising behaviour - what other laws and normal moral standards does he forget. Do you want to live with someone like that. Debts, drugs, non payment of taxes. You should check for those too.

Yes it’s definitely a big deal. There’s no way her forgot about this. He’s been deliberately lying to you by omission for four years. The fact that he started trying for a baby with you and got engaged to you and still didn’t tell you is absolutely appalling. I’d be rethinking this relationship if I were you.

It's a very, very big deal. Ex took it badly so instead of learning his lesson and dealing with the issue and choosing to be transparent with you, he omitted being married, again. He should be divorced and have a financial order in place before getting engaged and trying for children. Is he able to contribute to his existing children and any you have together?