Found out fiancé is married to someone else

You didn’t know they were still married or didn’t know they were ever married?

He forgot twice?! Ummmm…

It IS a big deal …it would be a massive deal for me . If he’s not being transparent on this then what else is hidden away ?

@limewonder

Not telling you such important information about himself is the same as lying about it. It's a 'lie by omission'.

You may never have directly asked him if he'd been married before, but there were probably a lot of opportunities to tell you in the course of regular conversations. He specifically chose to never mention the marriage, refer to her as an 'ex wife', or any of a multitude of things that would have quietly let you know he'd been 'married before'. And why didn't he? Because he knew he was still married.

It's your decision of course, but I could never trust him and I would never marry a man I didn't trust. If he's concealed important information in the past, what might he feel justified to conceal from me in the future?

I suggest you go back on contraception until you think this through and reach the decision that's right for you. The last thing you want is to get pregnant and then decide you want him out of your life.

I missed that he doesn't see his kids for weeks at a time. What a prince. A lying, selfish, doesn't care about his kids prince.

As said previously, all sorted my end. Updated will, updated beneficiary for pensions etc, specific instructions for trust for Child if i die before they are 18. Am as covered as i can be.

No it won't.
Not if it was made after they married.

so you're happy for him to inherit, if that applies? Any will you have made will be redundant if you're still married.

I haven't changed my married name. I despise my ex with every fiber of my being but it's my kids name so I'll keep it until they are adults and understand/don't care. It's not your biggest problem here, she's irrelevant to you, issue is you're engaged to a liar so don't go on side quests and confuse the situation.

Yes it's possible

but why would you want to marry someone who can't keep on top of basic paperwork? How big of a loser is that?

He forgot he was married in two different relationships?

Yes, all sorted on my end. What he has done with regards to his i don't know

Have you sorted out any death in service or will or anything to take his name off? Some things are automatic if you're married and don't stipulate otherwise

What name do the kids have? If they were married and she had his name where did you get her other name from to look her up on Facebook? Did he not just refer to her by her first name?
You don't forget you're married.
If someone split up years ago i can see how they might not get round to getting divorced if neither of them were marrying again. Not saying that's right just that it happens but you don't forget you got married!

Yes I can see how some people might forget they are still married if they have been separated a long time.

But crucially, you asked him if he had ever been married and he said no!!!! So he didn't "forget". He lied to you!!!

He forgot to get divorced and then forgot he hadn't got divorced. He forgot to tell his ex he was still married and she was told by someone else. He then forgot to tell you and you have been informed by the ex. You will be the one who tells his next partner that he is still married when he forget to tell her.
Still being married in itself - due to cost etc would not be a deal breaker if it was clear they were long separated - not mentioning it and proposing when he knew he would either have the cost of a divorce or would be committing bigamy would probably end it for me.
Even if you believe he forgot to tell the ex - he definitely did not forget to tell you.

Oh, I see. Thanks for the clarification.

That's even worse. He never said he had been married and conveniently forgot he wasn't divorced.

I don't think OP assumed the wife had changed her name. She didn't know she'd ever taken his name in the first place as she didn't know they were ever married.

I totally get why you asked him about it straight away, who wouldn't in real life. But in a way it would have been interesting to keep your powder dry.

You could have told him you had booked an appointment at a wedding venue for you to look at at the weekend and they had a cancellation which means that you could marry in May if it looked good. Then, you would have seen if he had come clean or continued future faking you.

You need to think what you want. For me it would not be the fact that he's still married, that is sortable. It's the fact that he kept it from you, as did his parents. I'd want more for myself.

You forget what you had for breakfast yesterday, not that you're married to the woman you have kids with!

Other side of the coin. I am still legally married to my ex. We have been separated for close to 15 years.

He has been engaged to his fiancée for about 8 years, and has two further children with her.

I am happy to get Divorced, but don't see why i should be the one to pay for it.

I am assuming she knows we are not legally Divorced as they have not planned a wedding yet. Not entirely sure what she thinks about it, although she has put herself in quite a venerable legal position , but not my circus.

Why did you assume she had changed her name?

A lot of divorced women, especially those with kids don't change their surname.

The bigger issue is him saying he forgot he wasn't divorced. That's absolute nonsense.

Is he actually processing the divorce now? He can file online and it will be completed within 6 months ish, no solicitor needed. The financials are more difficult but achievable quickly if both parties want to.

If he isn't willing to complete the divorce now then walk away