Found out fiancé is married to someone else

@Devianinc - not sure why you tagged my post?

Could they have 'forgotten' for financial reasons i.e. to protect their estates for the shared children's benefit if something should happen to either of them? Is he worth enough money for inheritance tax to be a valid concern?

Not sure what to make of this, i don’t know why he kept this from me. His excuse is that he forgot.?

Have you been moving forward with wedding plans or are you 'just' engaged? As either he is a total idiot who didn't realise that you can't marry 2 people legally.....
Or more likely imo he agreed to get engaged to keep you on the hook but has never had any real intention of following through.

If you weren't engaged I could forgive it as a dumbass move and an admin issue. Buy I just don't see how he could be at a proposal stage in your relationship and just 'forget' that he is already legally married. It doesn't add up.

He's either an idiot or a manipulative liar. Neither are great qualities imo.

He's either an idiot or stringing you along. My money is on the latter. I would leave him in all honesty. Shut up ring is a good way of putting it.

He forgot he was married my arse 😂
He had no intention of marrying you. Because it would be illegal. What you have is a shut up ring.

do not get pregnant.

And you just fell off the turnip truck. That’s really bad. I feel bad for you. He’s a POS

Do his kids know that you are engaged? Surely if they mentioned it to their mother, she would've pointed out that he can't legally get married as he is still married to her?! Is everybody hiding things here?!

🍩 YW

I'm not sure I could trust someone who forgets to mention that! Did he propose to you?

Don't be offended but did you both discuss getting engaged, were you putting pressure to get engaged or did he spontaneously propose?
He obviously did not forget he was already married but I am wondering if the engagement came quicker than he anticipated and was caught out.
I don't see how you can really be engaged now as it actually means engaged to be married but he already is.
Sorry you have an idiot BF at best.

This all sounds very bizarre

If nothing else there are significant financial implications to not being divorced.

My ex could not get divorced fast enough but still managed to make a very expensive mess of it

So when he proposed to you, it never crossed his mind that he was already married?
I think his excuse of "I forgot" is a steaming pile tbh.
Think of it as a sign...

He didn’t forget. It would be over for me totally dealbreaker. You can’t be engaged and married. If he’s not sorted divorce I bet he’s not sorted his will, nominated you for his death in service/pension etc. If he dies wife get lot unless he’s sorted his affairs out.
I had a case as a trainee solicitor where bloke had never bothered divorcing his wife (they’d married and split up as teens) wife got everything when he died suddenly - his girlfriend of 20 plus years got nothing.

I’m not even sure what his plan was here

Op, forget his plan. What your plan? After 4 years you shouldn't even be giving him a chance to sort this. You should be dumping him and moving on with your life. At best he is extremely careless and doesn't care for your future. At worst he is stringing you along and just using you. Either way, he is not serious about you.

You’ve met his wife loads, she knows you’re engaged, but she didn’t think to mention to you that she’s still married to your DP either? It’s very strange set up OP, not one I’d want to be part of.

Oh the first half of this is not where I expected it to go!

Yeah I would be miffed but it appears you’re not TOW your fiancé is just lazy. How does his ex know he is not divorced - are they still in contact?

I'm sorry OP, that is rubbish 😞
Don't let him gaslight you into thinking it's not that much of a big deal, it really is.

He forgot to get a divorce during his last relationship too?

Agreed with looking at the financial implications and if your finances have mingled.

Plus what every you do do not have a baby with him untill he has sorted out his ability to be in a "full time" relationship with you.

AIBU to demand he get a divorce or we’re over? I’m not even sure what his plan was here, marry me while still married to his ex?

Unless he had intended to divorce before you actually get married? But yeahhhh, helluva thing to casually forget isn't it, being married and financially tied to someone else for richer, poorer...

LTB

He didn’t forget that he was still married. I’d be more insulted and annoyed by that shit excuse, than by him proposing while still already married in the first place. He really is insulting your intelligence there.

Hand the ring back, and tell him the engagement is off until he’s divorced.

I hope for your sake you haven’t merged finances or own any property with him.

Presumably you haven't been booking a wedding?

Divorce is very expensive and stressful no matter how amicable you are. Can see why they didn't bother, if no one else involved and they like each other.

I

Do you have kids together?

I'd talk to his wife to see why they didn't divorce

but do you want to marry a man who doesn't take legal stuff seriously? That's the least sinister possibility here. I couldn't marry a man like that.