Found out fiancé is married to someone else

Would knowing the marriage was still ongoing have deterred you from starting the relationship in the first place ?
maybe he was so overwhelmed by his feelings about
you that he didn’t want to risk an early break up if he confessed his marital status keeping quiet was the easy way to cement the relationship with you and the longer the deception continues the more easily it is justified (to the perpetrator)
there are no immediate consequences
you did you find out what his justification is ( did he think he could ignore it and it would go away) was he too lazy to take care of it before “moving on “i
is he deceitful in other areas ?
you have to decide if this is a red flag -and will it cause an irresolvable resentment if you continue with the relationship can you trust this man now
sometimes it can be hard to cut our losses at least you have the facts
what would you tell yourself to do?

Do you own property of your own or does your parent/s?.
Many years ago a friend met a man who was going through a divorce he was older than her.
It turned out he planned to wed my friend wait a year or two then leave her claim half of her apartment money in bank etc and return to the ex so they could buy another house one to live in one to rent.
You must be very cautious of men with broken relationships.
Maybe could be the reason she hadnt told you they were still wed after some of your money.

Dear God. You don't just forget you married someone. I've been divorced from exH for about 20 years but it's still a chapter of my life

Yes bigamy is illegal but it is only bigamy if he marries OP without divorcing his wife. You can get engaged to as many women as you want.

Is bigamy not illegal?????? 😱

I can't believe you are asking if you are being unreasonable to demand he get a divorce or you are over. You are engaged to be married so what's the alternative? Bigamy, forever engaged?. Don't give him the choice, just go.

Maybe then he'll actually remember he's married 😅

OP - he can change his name to yours.

Lots of people have the same surname as their husbands ex wife, most divorced women don’t change their surname back if they have kids unless they get married again, as they want to have the same name as their kids. I think YABU on that point. Also I would have made the assumption they were married if they had kids even if they were young.

I wouldn’t accept he forgot to tell me they were still married.

Im confused. Did you not know they weren’t divorced or did you think they were never married?

He a lier!

So you looked up the mother of his children online, but couldn't find her because you were looking up under the wrong name? So who told you what her name was? So did your DP tell you her maiden name not her married name?
So he didn't tell you he was ever married to the mother of his children and so no need to talk of divorced because you didn't know he had been married. he claims he forgot (for 4 yrs)but when telling you her name he chose to give a maiden name which to me shows he was deliberately hiding the fact they married. No one forgets they married, the examples on here of people forgetting divorce is when they didn't get the decree absolute, which not everyone realise they need, this is different from not telling you he was ever married.
This man is a lier. You must know that there is no way he could of forgotten this, especially as a previous gf was also not informed he was married. He does this for a reason and that reason is he doesn't want to remarry, he wants a gf, and to keep you interested, after 4 yrs you get engaged, but tell me has he talked about when the wedding would be? No, Im pretty sure he would just string you along with a loooong engagement. Dump him he is using you.

not unless he actually marries the op. you can be engaged to as many people as you like.

Isn't this BIGAMY?

Walk away. Do it. Now.

what part of this is good for you?

He instigated divorce 15 years ago, paid the £500/£600 fee but wanted the divorce on his terms which made him the victim. He was a domestic abuser. The house was sold and profit split equally. Contact arrangements ended up in court for 4 years (he's a narcissist). We exchanged Form E's etc & the stumbling block was his pension - that's where he took his ball home and said via his solicitor that he was representing himself from that point. So I needed a barrister which I couldn't afford. That's the status quo as far as I'm aware.

Are you quite young? Have you been practicing writing Mrs 'Gertrude' Bigamistsurname?

You are not going to be able to adopt his last name because you cannot legally marry him.

The sharing of surnames with another woman is the least of your worries here.

He's a liar, and your confusion here and his attempt to make you believe this is not a big deal shows that he's a manipulative liar too.

Since no fault divorce was introduced, you can file for divorce on grounds of irretrievably breakdown of the marriage, and whether he consents or not he will find himself divorced.

It is a really good idea to tie up this loose end, from the pov of finances, credit issues, and next of kin issues.

Yes to this.

I think you need to reconsider the entire relationship.

He's at best completely feckless, and at worst a liar, a scofflaw, incorrigibly irresponsible. and someone who has no respect for you.

Get you're finances separated if they are mingled. Take you're name of anything that you are jointly paying for if you have a joint bank account close it or take you're name off any passwords he knows for anything that concerns you both .

What's a bot thread please?

I think you need to end your relationship with him,who's to say he won't do the same to you further down the line and "forget" he is with you.

He forgot he was married? I mean he is either a liar or an idiot. If he is still married you legally are in the sh*t if he dies, as she will be entitled to everything perhaps even including some of your assets. I cannot see how you can progress the relationship from here really. It’s a massive thing to lie about and a huge betrayal of trust.

I had a neighbour who's marriage was on a rocky path and they agreed to have some time apart. The husband bought her a house (next to mine) about an hour away from marital home on the excuse of it being closer to the kids school, would give them the space during the week but then would spend weekends with kids as they did motocross.... he then moved his mistress in and when she found out and confronted him he simply promised to maintain her lifestyle and as the mother of his children. He wouldn't take her off the will, or stop any money to her. She eventually accepted it, and they still have this incredible dynamic even though kids have all left home etc.

Even if he married the other woman, it wouldn't be legally recognised so think very carefully about what you want and your plan going forward.