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Original poster

Can't be bothered to meet friend

105 replies

YourChirpyCoralAnt · 10/03/2025 20:00

I have one friend who only ever wants to go to the pub and drink and find men.

I am married. I meet her once a month and cave every time to go to the pub. I have made other suggestions such as dinner etc and she knocks them down in favour of the pub.

It's just not my scene anymore. I wouldn't mind going once there and then the next month for dinner but it's always on her terms.

We are meeting Thursday and I've said adamantly I wish to go for dinner instead and she's just come back saying no, we are going pub.

I dont want to sit and drink wine on a Thursday night in a pub full of teenagers and people and to be honest if my husband had a mate that was constantly on the lookout and bringing women over to the table to join them I wouldn't be too impressed.

Am I being unreasonable if I cancel if she won't at least do my suggestion at least once. 🙄. I just simply don't enjoy that scene anymore.

OP posts:
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MrsSkylerWhite · 16/03/2025 15:20

You’ve moved on. Nothing wrong with that.

ITryHarder · 16/03/2025 15:18

Your friend's not looking for a partner or she wouldn't be shacking up with married men. She wants a roll in the hay and is using you to get it, and she's one hell of a desperate woman. Man up and tell her what you told us, that you don't enjoy it anymore, or you may wind up loosing your own partner. Grow a spine and stop being at her beck and call. You might then find out just how much of a friend she really is since, so far, you're blinding yourself to it.

Banrockmystation · 11/03/2025 21:45

No need to meet her. Just say that the pub isn’t your scene any longer so you won’t be going. You understand if she still likes it that’s fine but you won’t meet there anymore.

Createausername1970 · 11/03/2025 21:28

Iceandfire92 · 10/03/2025 23:22

It must be very difficult for your friend being single and looking at this time in her life. Friends all being coupled up and constantly busy with family commitments with no interest in girls nights out any more/having a few drinks/shock horror staying up past 10pm. Or the dreaded coffee and cake. Nights out seem to take forever to organise as everyone is just so busy, she's probably incredibly lonely.

It's far easier in your 20's as there are usually more options, more people go on nights out and not as many people are settled down. A lot of the decent men are sadly taken so she is probably panicking. It is really difficult to meet men on your own, many women wouldn't feel comfortable going out alone. I've seen friend's dating apps, the options on there are ghastly. Why not compromise and alternate the nights out with dinner and drinking, I do feel for your friend. Your meet up could be the only time she goes out and she probably feels that she won't meet anyone if you're just having dinner and going home.

Edited

I think OPs issue is that OP has suggested this exact compromise and it has been declined.

I am with the OP on this one. I couldn't think of anything more dire than being a married gooseberry while a friend was on the pull.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/03/2025 20:49

@OldCottageGreenhouse and @ForRealCat -the OP has gone to the pub with her friend every single time they have gone out together, so I’m not sure why she is the one who needs to compromise here, when her friend won’t contemplate meeting up for a meal even once!

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 11/03/2025 19:58

It doesn't have to be
You can tell her you won't be doing it any more

OldCottageGreenhouse · 11/03/2025 18:46

ForRealCat · 10/03/2025 20:37

You've got your chap, she's still trying to find hers. She wants a wing woman to support her, I thin it is a bit unreasonable to say I'm alright Jack, so lets go to a restaurant instead. Cant you find something that works for you both, a drink at a bar in town, then dinner and back to a pub to finish the evening off?

People always tend to tell singles to get out and meet someone- its bloody hard if none of your friends want to!!!

Sorry but I agree with this

Normallynumb · 11/03/2025 16:59

Friendship means you care about each other and enjoy time together. Wherever and whatever you do, friends compromise
She's using you as her wingwoman to go on the pull
Stand firm and say that doesn't suit you and you'll give it a miss
If she values your friendship, she'll be in contact again.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 11/03/2025 15:49

YourChirpyCoralAnt · 11/03/2025 11:43

I do. But if I dont go, I don't get to see her.

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Then don't see her - she's obviously not bothered about seeing you unless you do exactly as she demands. What a shit friend.

LushLemonTart · 11/03/2025 14:53

YourChirpyCoralAnt · 11/03/2025 13:54

Yeah both have other friends- she literally has another couple of girls she goes out with to meet men etc...so not sure why mine has to be that as well

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It doesn't unless you let it

Lsquiggles · 11/03/2025 14:16

She doesn't sound like a very good friend at all if she won't compromise this one time. It also comes across like she's just using you as a chair filler whilst she tries to find a man and doesn't really care about you or your friendship as long as she gets her own way.

Fountofwisdom · 11/03/2025 14:04

DurinsBane · 11/03/2025 09:25

Why are scaffolders low standard?!

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I’m sure some of them are highly polished 🙄 but most I’ve ever come across on building projects f and blind continually and aren’t exactly charmers.

Original poster
YourChirpyCoralAnt · 11/03/2025 13:54

LushLemonTart · 11/03/2025 13:07

Blimey she's not budging. Tell her to do online dating.

Do you have other friends? Does she?

Yeah both have other friends- she literally has another couple of girls she goes out with to meet men etc...so not sure why mine has to be that as well

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/03/2025 13:11

“Enid - you always get to choose where we go - when is it MY turn to choose?”

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 11/03/2025 13:08

Time to tell her the truth.
The pub every time is boring and you are tired of her only thinking of what she wants to do.

LushLemonTart · 11/03/2025 13:08

YehThoughtSo · 11/03/2025 12:56

wow -

I think you need to be super blunt and just leave it with her.

"Sorry, pub doesn't work for me this time. Let me know if you're up for dinner or else see you another time."

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That's what I'd do. She just wants a wing woman.

LushLemonTart · 11/03/2025 13:07

Blimey she's not budging. Tell her to do online dating.

Do you have other friends? Does she?

Original poster
YourChirpyCoralAnt · 11/03/2025 12:59

mumbleberry · 11/03/2025 12:35

Is there a chance money is the kicker? Is she nursing one drink all night?

No. No money issues x

OP posts:
YehThoughtSo · 11/03/2025 12:56

YourChirpyCoralAnt · 11/03/2025 11:55

I said this.

Hey *** was just thinking about Thursday. I really want to have a good catch up and would really love to do that somewhere we can hear each other and have a bottle of wine over a meal. Absolutley will come to the pub with you next time but this time was hoping we could do something a bit more relaxed on this occassion and spend some actual time together. X

She said what's wrong with the pub?

I replied: I just fancy a change and a proper catch up

She replied: we can do that there? It's close to my house for me to get home, is everything ok with you, I'm worried about you getting old with your dinner suggestions

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wow -

I think you need to be super blunt and just leave it with her.

"Sorry, pub doesn't work for me this time. Let me know if you're up for dinner or else see you another time."

Rainbowclouds101 · 11/03/2025 12:42

YourChirpyCoralAnt · 11/03/2025 11:43

I do. But if I dont go, I don't get to see her.

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Well then, you’ve said it yourself. You’re being used to go to the pub with her because she doesn’t want to go herself.

mumbleberry · 11/03/2025 12:35

Is there a chance money is the kicker? Is she nursing one drink all night?

PlaygroundSusie · 11/03/2025 12:31

OP, you are not being unreasonable at all! Your friend sounds very selfish and inflexible. You've been kind in offering her a compromise (doing the pub every second outing) - and it's frankly awful of her to still be so insistent on having her way 100 percent of the time.

Given your latest update, I think you'd be justified in holding your ground. If you want to be kind, I suppose you could suggest a nicer pub further afield (preferably with decent food) so at least you aren't stuck with the same old place. But I suspect she'll push back on that, too.

Sadly, I think this friendship has run it's course. But OP, if that's the case, it's all on her, not you.

Huckyfell · 11/03/2025 12:25

YourChirpyCoralAnt · 10/03/2025 20:41

I've said we can rotate? Pub one time..meal another time. Its a straight no.

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Ok but she is on the hunt, so if it only once a month that makes it 2 months before she gets her next opportunity if you rotate. Or suggest she finds some more friends to go hunting with so she gets out more often. Poor thing, she only wants attention😍

Ferryweather · 11/03/2025 12:09

I think you just aren’t compatible friends anymore. She’s only willing to stay on that track and that’s fine but she can’t expect everyone else to come with her.

I would just reply and say ‘happy to alternate pub and dinner but if you aren’t then I suggest we just cancel this time and you let me know when you are up for a meal/coffee. I love seeing you but we all grow and change and, for me anyway, the pub isn’t my ideal night so I thought we could alternate. Anyway, hope to see you soon. X x’

B1anche · 11/03/2025 12:07

YourChirpyCoralAnt · 11/03/2025 11:55

I said this.

Hey *** was just thinking about Thursday. I really want to have a good catch up and would really love to do that somewhere we can hear each other and have a bottle of wine over a meal. Absolutley will come to the pub with you next time but this time was hoping we could do something a bit more relaxed on this occassion and spend some actual time together. X

She said what's wrong with the pub?

I replied: I just fancy a change and a proper catch up

She replied: we can do that there? It's close to my house for me to get home, is everything ok with you, I'm worried about you getting old with your dinner suggestions

Show quote history

Worried about you getting old because you've suggested dinner?? She needs to grow up. How old is she? It sounds like you've grown apart.

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