Dh spending lots on daily lunches & coffees

we almost always have left overs for lunch as we’ve gotten into the habit of cooking enough for lunches.

if do buy lunch plus snack it’s probably £15ish dh WFH so doesn’t spend anything. Our grocery bill is high though.

we also have a coffee machine so cafe coffees are on weekends mostly.

sounds like you need to get him to contribute more towards the grocery bill. Adjust for inflation.

I think in this instance separate accounts are needed with a percentage split according to incomes to go into the joint bills account. All household bills including kids expenses & grocery shopping come out of this account.

You then have your own accounts for personal spends. His coffees & lunch come out of his spends. His cigarettes come out of his spends.

If he chooses a packed lunch & flask then the contents are part of the grocery shop.

Let him see how long his spends last.

There's a balance between spending as much as your DH and living like a miser. Breakfasts out should be a payday treat really.

He’s being selfish and this would piss me off. What if you spent the equivalent amount on treats for yourself, like hair, nails, beauty treatments, nights out with friends? You work part time and look after your child. Your incomes should be shared, with ‘spare’ money spent on treats for the whole family, not just him.

Seeing as you guys manage and access the money jointly ? You need to change the way you allocate it. Both of you have a monthly weekly allowance for luxuries, a mutually agreed amount.

then one physical card for joint bills and food that goes to the supermarket and has household Direct debits.

if h doesn’t want to do that. Then separate finances and both contribute a monthly agreed amount for food and bills and dd. Then he can spend what he wants

I thought you were wondering if he is buying lunch for someone else

I make my own breakfast and lunch to work most days- prob but 3 a month. It’s so expensive now I cannot justify it or really enjoy it.

Can he afford it is the question? How are finances generally?

Missing the point, but if he's smoking 10 cigarettes a day...he's not trying very hard...

I was like your husband. I didn't buy coffee very often but bought lunch when I was in the office. It kept going up in price and the food wasn't always great. I got tired of spending €15 for a mediocre meal and now either bring my own or go to the supermarket for lunch stuff and make it in the office. This was 2 days a week.

Dh would never say a thing but it was €30 a week/ €120 a month, I'd rather spend it on something else.

Dh takes food every day. He will maybe 3 x a week buy a drink in a shop if he's run out or fancies something different.
If he forgets to take his lunch he never buys something . However he's often got snacks in work vehicle so he's graze on them

I always say grab something from a drive thro or whatever. And he never does.

Split the finances. You can spend your share on whatever you like and then so can he.

This is a reason why we have separate finances. I'd hate to be told what I could or couldn't buy for lunch.

I have free tea and coffee at work so never get a takeaway hot drinks. Not a big lunch eater but if I do it tends to be leftovers or cooked at home.

Years ago as a Summer student working in an office I worked out how much I would have to work to pay for five days of coffees/sandwiches/snacks from the coffee shop next door over bring my lunch. Always stuck with me

You are going to have to split your finances. You can't tell another adult how to spend their own money. So if he doesn't agree with you that it would be better spent elsewhere you will need to have separate budgets. Trying to get him to spend his money the way that you think it should be spent will lead to resentment and lying. It has to either be a joint decision, made together that both parties are committed to or come up with a fair separation of finances taking into account childcare, household necessities etc.

I'm the only earner in my family (single parent).
I run a team at work in a high pressure job. I take leftovers from home into work every day. I cook meals most nights as it's cheaper than eating out etc then I take anything left over into work. I regularly have things like a slightly manky looking banana no one else at home wants to eat, plus a yoghurt that's about to go out of date plus a cereal bar and then left over curry or whatever. This is because we are on a budget and I would rather spend any extra on the kids. I do spend money on myself (the gym and socialising with friends) but nowhere near what your husband is spending. The family should come first...

This is why DH and I have a joint account and separate accounts. Groceries come out of the joint account, lunches bought on the go come out of our personal accounts. DH almost never buys lunch out, whereas I do about 2-3x week, but since I pay for it from 'my' money I feel zero guilt.

Do you work? You mention his earnings but not yours.

Not to be pedantic but there is an average of 4.33 weeks in a month, not four weeks. It adds up when you are multiplying expenses or calculating a budget or trying to explain to someone how much they are spending.

By my calculations he is spending €70 a week on eating out plus €45 on booze and cigs, and that's only weekday.s

That is €494 per month or a whopping €5,934 per YEAR on completely discretionary items. And that is NOT counting whatever he does on 52 weekends (104 weekend days) per year.

What is his wage?

Frankly I don't buy all the BS excuses about not being able to take an economical lunch. Workmen have toted lunch pails since long before the days of refrigerators, lightweight insulated carriers and cool boxes.

He's a twat. My very successful DH takes a thermos of coffee to his office and brings leftovers for lunch. Some people are naturally frugal and some aren't, but your DH has crossed into spendthrift territory.

Show him how much he'd have in a year if half the money were invested.

This.

Showing him visually will help with his apparent lack of understanding.

My DH buys a couple of coffees and lunch on the days he goes to work. I reckon about £15 to £20 a day. No beers or cigarettes. I take a flask to work and a salad made at home and some fruit. Because I am tighter about that sort of thing.

If we were on a strict budget it would be an issue and I would be less than pleased.

I don't really have to worry about money but even I wouldn't waste money like this. I take my lunch to work and only really have lunch out at the weekend. I do tend to a get a coffee but thats only on my office days.

I think you need to clearly explain to him that you want some of that money saved so you can do things as a family. Does he know you stress about your household budget?

I’d say the average he spends (from seeing the account) is €6.50 at the morning cafe, €7 for lunch, €5 for cigarettes every other day and €10 every other day for drinks after work.

5k euros a year! Fuck. Is there not anything he would rather spend the money on? Savings, holiday, stuff in the house...

We do this with 'pocket money'. We each get it, DH blows his on beer and video games. I save up and go on amazing holidays. Saves me moaning at him about his teenager spending. Saves him moaning at me about dropping thousands on travel.

It sounds like a non-value-laden conversation about joint goals, budget and spending is warranted. If you CAN'T have a lovely pastry because he takes all the disposable cash, that's just not fair. Working out your spending together with a spreadsheet is job 1. No changes, just keeping track for three months. Then discuss.