Dh spending lots on daily lunches & coffees

Sorry @Ohitspastagainisit but I think you are seriously underestimating what he is spending:
Coffee and cake will be on average 9.5 Euros*
Lunch will be 11.87 Euros*
Another coffee will be 4 Euros*
Cigarettes for 20 is on average 22.5 Euros
which I work out to be 47.87 Euros... most of which he will not realise because it is around 10 Euros, which does not seem like very much until you start to add it up. Set it up on a spreadsheet and walk him through it... as he starts to quit, put the money in a jar, so he can see it grow... that might be enough to wake him up.

*This is based on what I could spend when I go into the office and i anything I have rounded it down.

Whilst she has had to give up full time work to care for THEIR JOINT CHILD with special needs.
If the shoe was on the other foot and she was the one working and earning while he did the childcare and she was wasting family money they couldn’t afford on snacks and cigarettes, then he would have the right to put his foot down about/not accept this from a relationship, too.

Presumably because he's the one earning the money in the first place.

I spend more than that daily but my partner does the same and we don't notice the money, I'd be raging if I was at home trying to cobble something crap together while he was at a beach cafe.

Yeah this is a good idea provided he doesn’t spent joint money on sandwiches and coffee AND ALSO get £300 spending money!

Mine takes a flask of instant coffee with him, and leftovers or a sandwich to work. Thats taking the mick if you are struggling for food shop

OP tell him that the numbers don’t lie. If you are looking at his statements and seeing what he is spending then he’s just lying or making excuses. Set a budget, find a way where he has his own account and manages his X amount of money you agreed on and when the money goes, it goes. Be more assertive with what you need finance wise since you’re wants and needs are just as important as his!

Most people do not get to spend this much daily willy nilly so he needs to join the real world, ESP when he has a partner who is making financial sacrifices!

What is his weight like? That's a lot of food and drink to me! Not to mention the expense! 🙈

This is the answer. Although her account needs to have a bit more for DD's needs and wants. Otherwise she'll spend all of hers on DD, and he will spend of of his on himself.

My husband buys his lunch out of his money, not our money. That's his choice if he wants to do that. I wouldn't agree to it as a joint household expense.

This is easily solved by creating 3 bank accounts. 1 should be joined - for all your house bills, rent and house/kids' expenses, and 1 for each one of you - where you will put 200-300 quid monthly each for your own personal expences (like coffees and lunches outside). Then if he chooses to waste his money like that, it will be his problem.

This was posted today on reddit, quite similar:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/q27s0nLlVv

Oh, give over. Thermos coffee and leftovers isn’t skinflint. You’ve got no idea if it’s nice coffee and good leftovers – I’d rather have my homemade lasagne in a lunchbox than a claggy and expensive Boots meal deal sandwich.

I truly do not understand why women associate themselves with these selfish, irresponsible man-children. Let alone have their children. Yet there are similar tales of woe posted every day.

Put your foot down, OP. He is indulging himself at the expense of hungry children. Why is this not a complete dealbreaker?

He sounds an absolute skinflint. Up to you if you choose to live like this fine, But not everybody wants to.

@Kitchencakereduced wrote that
At some work places it is the ritual of all going to the
Canteen
Food truck that visits work
Into town for a meal deal

Is he doing the same as his workmates, @Ohitspastagainisit ? If they all earn about the same amount but they don’t have children perhaps he wants to keep up with them in the way he used to do.

It’s hard to get someone to accept things are different now, especially when their lives haven’t changed as much as yours has had to.

My husband did similar for years, it drove me mad.

He's better now but it took a long time.

I have had a very similar problem with my other half. I earn far more but recently had a baby so am now on maternity leave which obviously means less money and us needing to budget more. He was buying a combination of beers/snacks/tobacco every day and like yours it was totalling around at least £100 a week. As others have suggested, we've had to sit down and I've had to break down bank statements and make it very clear just how much his 'it's just a few beers' and his tenner spend here and there is adding up to!

Withdraw the cash you need or transfer to your own account. You need a balance diet and your child deserves to have experiences. He is beyond selfish.

If he is taking lunch money out of a joint bills account, then you need to take out what you need before he helps himself again. Selfish git. He needs to suffer the consequences of his actions.
@Ohitspastagainisit You need to sort out separate accounts asap so he can't leave you short for family food whilst he swans around buying whatever he fancies.

My partner would do this, but when he was single.
your husband needs to cop on, I’m in the eu and wouldn’t spend 20 plus euros a day on coffees and lunches
tell him meal deals exist, if he must eat out every single day.

Have you pointed out how much this adds up to over the year, ie around 5,000? Sometimes seeing it like this instead of just small amounts every day can help it sink in just how much is being wasted.

Otherwise I think you’ll need to start handling the family finances differently, eg there’s a family pot which covers bills, weekly food shop, children’s clothes, occasional trips out as a family etc, then whatever’s left over can be spilt into your own personal pots to be spent as you wish. All his cafe lunches, snacks, cigarettes etc have to come out of his personal pot and when it’s gone, it’s gone.

I do similar, it helps me get through the work day / work week, and keeps me sane. If we were struggling I like to think I could cut back.

It's more than €400 per month. There is an average 4.3 weeks per month.

How much of his annual post-tax earnings is €5000?