Dh spending lots on daily lunches & coffees

DH earns well and COULD buy every day. He never does. I make larger dinners and he takes left overs every day. He’d prefer us to have great holidays and memories than a shitty shop sandwich or a Greggs on the daily

Your husband is an inconsiderate a**hole. You and your daughter shouldn't have to suffer because he's such a selfish pig. Tell him you want x amount of money every month for groceries. Anything he spends on lunch after that is up to him. If he says no, I think you need to divorce. If he says no he does not respect, or love, you and your daughter. Please don't let your daughter grow up thinking this is the way she should let men treat her. Stop being such a doormat.

Cunningfungus, I know exactly what you are driving at. You're not talking about people living in desolate conditions I don't think (?) Your comment was aimed at workers who spend more than they can afford of their income on takeaway food. Their choice, obviously. Every one chooses how to spend their money.

I like you, have never been tempted to spend upwards of £5 per day , when I could spend a fraction and have a healthier lunch.

Low paid manual workers often don't have the facilities to store and prepare food at home to bring to work. Imagine living in densely packed shared accommodation where people take your ham from the fridge, use you lunch box as an ashtray and no one ever washes up. In the OPs case her DH could clearly bring food from home but not everyone can. Don't forget it costs more to be poor.

@BettyBardMacDonald

Frankly I don't buy all the BS excuses about not being able to take an economical lunch. Workmen have toted lunch pails since long before the days of refrigerators, lightweight insulated carriers and cool boxes.

I agree. And buying lunches at KFC etc is ridiculously expensive and unnecessary on a regular basis. If he's buying from supermarkets, he should be doing their meal deals with a store loyalty card. Drink, bag of crisps and a sandwich for £3.50 is enough to spend on a daily basis. But even better to take packed lunches and a flask. KFC/Burger King etc should be the exception rather than the norm, as should stopping off paying a few quid a pop for a Costa Coffee or Starbucks.

Had something similar. The ex was spending an absolute packet on lunches/teas etc albeit from their own account. Then they would insist we went to more restaurants at the weekend albeit taken from a joint account. I figured it was an addiction of sorts.

Its mindset isn’t it. So hard to change… my DH makes very comfortable income running his own company - and still takes in a sandwich and snacks from home everyday becuase he a) prefers to spend money intentionally on things he likes vs convenience and b) values the confidence he has in the quality of ingredients we keep in our home stores.

can you have a chat with him about bigger financial priorities + see if you can agree a middle ground? A budget for the week maybe?

Selfish prick

time to change bank accounts

have one for literally household bills

put in half

and the rest of your salary you keep

once he is spending his money he may stop

it’s an insane amount to spend every day

because they don’t speak English, get dropped off by a bus, wander round looking bamboozled and stand out like a sore thumb

How can you tell from looking at someone?

My ex goes to work most days looking like a total scruff (because of the work he does). He earns 3x what I do (and I am a well paid professional)

Thank you! I’ve had other replies suggesting these workers are better paid or have their own businesses! No they are not. They are low paid and definitely don’t have other businesses lol

We lived like this forever, at times by choice in order to get ahead an other times by necessity. Neither myself or partner enjoys takeaway food of any type, and besides shop bought tea or coffee is always horrible. We however are not skinflints and have spent big on quality things at times.

FFS - most manual workers are not well paid or have their own businesses. You must recognise the type of worker I am referring to?

They are not well paid. They are buying from “chains” eg M&S meal deal, Pret, Burger King. Not some dodgy burger vans .

This kind of spending is the difference between being almost poor or relatively well off. Something that compounds enormously with time. My Father kept us poor with his selfish "petty" drinking, gambling and smoking habits. ie 20 years ago it was £10+ per day, over a year, enough to take 3 decent holidays a year for the two of them, or over the 60 years together enough for a proper house and a big retirement fund.

Amazing isn't it! You just hope it's not the same people complaining about tge cist of living 🙄

My husband works and I stay at home to look after the kids / house / him - all his wages go into our joint account as we see it’s as a partnership. He would not be able to work the way he does without having childcare etc. he values the work I do for our family. He would never have his kids or me go without while he frittered away money on lunch! I really feel awful for the OP. Please talk to him again. Are you able to prepare the lunch for him to take?

Whatever he earns he's still spending a lot of money they can't afford on his own personal indulgences leaving the OP scratching around trying to balance the budget and being unable to ever buy herself or their DD anything nice, which is incredibly unfair and selfish.

Manual workers can be very well paid too.

Some of my friends are manual workers but they also own their own businesses and employ teams of staff.

Firstly, they might be better paid than you think and secondly, they might be spending cash that will never see the tax man.

Par baked are great, they usually have a decent use by date on them, 10 min in the oven in the morning and you have lovely fresh banquets.

If he’s not going to start taking lunches and snacks he needs a budget that he can’t exceed.

This bamboozles me. Where I live, I see low paid manual workers spending £s on breakfast and lunch every day - and they are mostly buying stuff like a ham roll and can of coke that could be brought from home at a fraction of the cost. I’m fairly well paid and have always taken my own food to work as I just can’t justify the cost.

Your DH is eating/drinking/smoking his way through a (small) mortgage!

The op isn't In Ireland or other expensive country in the Eurozone.

My husband I have always packed lunches for work. Buying convenience snacks or lunches out is way too expensive. He needs to be more responsible with lunch bags and making the time to pack food.

You cannot control him or dictate to him what he is "allowed" to spend.

Nor can you "nag" him into being kind and considerate of you and DC, or putting your needs and welfare above his wants.

The solution was described by other posters up thread: have a joint current account and two personal current accounts.
All income goes into the joint account. Transfer from the joint into each of your personal accounts an agreed amount, same for each of you, for personal spends or 'pocket money'. Make sure you leave enough in the joint account to cover all monthly bills, household shopping, and DC costs.
He then buys his lunches, drinks and cigarettes from his personal money, whilst you do what you like with yours (such as saving it, or buying yourself some treats or clothes or whatever you like).

Then if he dares use the joint account for buying his crap, you just reduce his payment into his account the next month, i.e. he pays it back. And go absolutely ballistic at him so that he learns never to abuse the joint account.