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AIBU?

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Should I approach school or the teacher

67 replies

JadeMember · 10/03/2025 18:46

I collected my DC ( twins ) from school today ( for ref. it is a private school ) and I was asking about their day. They said the Physics lesson was ok and they didn’t do anything because the teacher said she is tired and she put a documentary on for them to watch. They are in F9 but already preparing for GCSEs. This seems to be a reoccurring trend with this particular teacher. Sometimes she takes them out to play in the woods on the school grounds instead of the lesson. I wouldn’t mind, if there was an educational purpose for it, but my DC said that they are just chatting. She is suppose to be their teacher for the next three years to take them through GCSEs. I don’t think her teaching is adequate. I have been told by some parents with children in F11, who have the same teacher, that they have to do tutoring outside the school for Physics because they are behind the other children who have different teachers. On top of it all, this teacher has a child in our year and my DC are good friends with her child. We know them for years ( they joined our school in F6 ) and I know the teacher more as a mum acquaintance. This is the first year she is teaching my DC. I feel like I would be an asshole to complain to school without trying to talk to her first. Also what if I do complain and she finds out it was me. Our DCs are a part of group of 8 close friends and they do a lot of stuff together at the weekends ( sleepovers, shopping, activities etc ). I don’t know how to approach it without making it awkward in the group. Do I just suck it up and pay for a private tutoring, talk to the school or talk to the teacher?

OP posts:
curlywurlymum · 10/03/2025 22:02

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 10/03/2025 21:16

If you are implying that this idea of the OPs is completely unfair then I think you are being harsh.

I am a teacher, albeit primary, and I would expect any teacher to get my child through GCSEs by teaching the syllabus.

The relationship aspect may be tricky. If you say something directly she may get offended, if you go over her head and it gets back then she may think YWBU for not going to her first. I'd see if another parent, who's not in her friendship circle, could raise the query. Or you could raise it in a curious way as 'DC said you took them into the woods the other day - that sounds exciting! What were they learning?'

I was going to suggest exactly that - find a way to get another parent to report it, ideally more than one.

JadeMember · 10/03/2025 22:01

Delphiniumandlupins · 10/03/2025 21:18

Are there reasons why you picked this school for your DC over others in the area? Having to already pay for a tutor for maths at 14, unable to approach teachers professionally because they have children in the same classes does not sound good.

As the first route we applied for a state school placement. There is a lovely school in our village. We didn’t get into any of our choices of schools and they placed twins in two different schools. Then we looked at the private schools and there is 6 of them locally to choose from. Our school is very nurturing but it changed over the years and most of the teachers are parents of the children also attending school. It’s a very small area so people tend to know each other. Also school offers 75% discount on the fees for the teachers ( I’m not sure about the other employees)

OP posts:
Lucycantdance · 10/03/2025 21:54

Pickledpoppetpickle · 10/03/2025 20:34

That's not what has been said, is it?

What has been said?

Mere1 · 10/03/2025 21:46

JadeMember · 10/03/2025 20:37

I would do but the HOD is another mum with children at our school and they are close friends with the teacher. I don’t feel comfortable raising this issue with her

Then take it to the head and explain the delicate situation as you have here.

TappyGilmore · 10/03/2025 21:46

Lucycantdance · 10/03/2025 18:49

Who would be a teacher.

Who would be a teacher? Um I don’t know, maybe someone who wants to teach. Just like most of us expect to actually do the jobs we get paid to do.

JadeMember · 10/03/2025 21:40

Rainingalldayonmyhead · 10/03/2025 20:51

Why? Doesn’t the school have support lessons after school?

No. They finish at 4.40pm and they can either do activities or the prep until 5.30. The maths tutoring is done privately but during the school and paid for directly to the tutor

OP posts:
TappyGilmore · 10/03/2025 21:37

Similar situation here - even same subject! But state school outside of the UK.

I plan to complain both to the teacher and the school. The teacher, because I don’t think it’s right to go over his head without speaking to him first - my view is that the class teacher should be the first point of contact where necessary.

But I will complain to the school also because I know that others have, and the school needs to be aware just how many people are concerned about this guy, and that despite others complaining nothing is changing.

I’m really just expecting though that nothing will change and that DD will need some extra assistance to get through this class, whether from me or from a tutor. And this is a reasonably bright, scientifically-minded kid.

SALaw · 10/03/2025 21:31

Is the maths teaching not up to much either then? What's the point in going private?

Delphiniumandlupins · 10/03/2025 21:18

Are there reasons why you picked this school for your DC over others in the area? Having to already pay for a tutor for maths at 14, unable to approach teachers professionally because they have children in the same classes does not sound good.

Margo34 · 10/03/2025 21:17

WGACA · 10/03/2025 20:57

I think statistically children who are privately educated are also more likely to have tutors.

Really? But....why? Poor kids 😆

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 10/03/2025 21:16

Lucycantdance · 10/03/2025 18:49

Who would be a teacher.

If you are implying that this idea of the OPs is completely unfair then I think you are being harsh.

I am a teacher, albeit primary, and I would expect any teacher to get my child through GCSEs by teaching the syllabus.

The relationship aspect may be tricky. If you say something directly she may get offended, if you go over her head and it gets back then she may think YWBU for not going to her first. I'd see if another parent, who's not in her friendship circle, could raise the query. Or you could raise it in a curious way as 'DC said you took them into the woods the other day - that sounds exciting! What were they learning?'

converseandjeans · 10/03/2025 21:07

I wouldn't expect them to watch a film about turtles in a physics lesson & I think that by Year 9 they are a bit old to be running around in the woods. I think she could just do some text book work, work sheets or maybe some sort of online tasks if she wanted an easier lesson.

However I think it’s all a bit difficult to report. If boys are mates & having sleepovers & meeting up then I think it might be obvious that one of the group has reported her. So it could all be quite unpleasant.

whycantibeselfishforonce · 10/03/2025 21:06

There must be some kind of curriculum map or information that tells gives you an outline of the learning outcomes for physics for each term. I would request this from the school, without mentioning anything about the teacher in the first instance, and see what you get back.

CorbyTrouserPress · 10/03/2025 21:01

Pickledpoppetpickle · 10/03/2025 20:34

That's not what has been said, is it?

It was certainly implied

BlueSlate · 10/03/2025 21:01

At a private school the standards should be exemplary.

I think people quite often assume this but private schools aren't required to employ qualified teachers or follow the National Curriculum.

They make their own decisions on these things. It's why private schools can be a gamble because the rigour that exists in state schools isn't necessarily there.

There are obviously other advantages but don't automatically assume the teaching or standards are exemplary.

WGACA · 10/03/2025 20:57

Margo34 · 10/03/2025 20:32

Raise it with HOD. Don't parents pay for private to avoid having to pay for tutoring?!

I think statistically children who are privately educated are also more likely to have tutors.

Jowak1 · 10/03/2025 20:56

Wouldn't be happy

Jowak1 · 10/03/2025 20:56

My daughter is in year 9 state school- I would be be happy for her to be going out in the woods for a Physics lesson! If it was a one off ok but surely that would be Biology not Physics and you have said it has happened before. It's a tricky situation but no I'd not be happy - hope you come to a solution

Sugargliderwombat · 10/03/2025 20:54

Wow this is really difficult. A play in the woods instead of a lesson? I teach 6 years old and wouldn't do this unless I could link it to a learning objective.

I think I would have to go to head and risk pissing off this teacher but hope that Its dealt with more sensitively.

Lighttodark · 10/03/2025 20:53

The relationships all sound complicated / blurred across professional boundaries. I would not be happy paying fees and unable to confront situations / ask questions.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 10/03/2025 20:53

You’re not in the wrong job, you’re paying for the wrong school. It’s clearly not great at its primary job which is educating your children. Find them a new school before the start of the academic year.

Rainingalldayonmyhead · 10/03/2025 20:51

JadeMember · 10/03/2025 20:46

Yes that’s what I thought but it doesn’t look like it. My DC already have maths tutoring as do most of the other children in the school. It’s £50 ph! My DC had to go on the waiting list for his tutoring, I’m in the wrong job😂

Why? Doesn’t the school have support lessons after school?

Rainingalldayonmyhead · 10/03/2025 20:50

Lucycantdance · 10/03/2025 20:29

As opposed to a state school where they're less deserving?

Right? And my point proved once again that private isn’t better.
My kid in GCSE physics had a teacher with a PhD in Physics from Cambridge. Perhaps he (the teacher) was in the wrong place.

JadeMember · 10/03/2025 20:46

Margo34 · 10/03/2025 20:32

Raise it with HOD. Don't parents pay for private to avoid having to pay for tutoring?!

Yes that’s what I thought but it doesn’t look like it. My DC already have maths tutoring as do most of the other children in the school. It’s £50 ph! My DC had to go on the waiting list for his tutoring, I’m in the wrong job😂

OP posts:
Iwannakeepondancing · 10/03/2025 20:39

send an anonymous letter!