DD dad taking child he lives with on holiday but not other 2 children

I do think it’s fine, yes. He doesn’t have to take all three of his children on this particular same holiday, which has complicated logistics, and which they can’t attend due to being in school where his youngest child is not. Arguably there’s a case to argue that he should take his other children away on a different holiday at some point, but even in nuclear families, it’s perfectly fine to do different things with different children according to their ages. There’s no point opining on what people should have done in the past when they can’t reverse decisions such as having had further children; and it’s not fair that those further children have to automatically lose out on a normal family life simply because of their parent’s decisions.

So he should refrain from accompanying his partner and their child to a wedding because that “hurts his children?”

It’s only “hurting” the children because their mom (well one of the mom’s has explained it badly.)

If dad can’t afford or not convenient to take other kids then he should not tell them , he should make out he’s going to London for training course or some such
dad needs to know he’s caused hurt and has some making up to do and needs to book legoland etc

So what you're saying is that it's fine for 2 of his children to miss out on a 2 week holiday but a 2 year old not having his dad at a wedding is unacceptable?

He shouldn't Keep having kids with different women if he can't treat them fairly.

Why is he a shit dad for not taking the kids to a wedding he is merely a plus one for?

Why would he take older two kids to the wedding of his partner’s friend?

They don’t know those kids. It makes sense why younger DC would go as the child is going either their mother (and father) but I don’t get why the other kids would expect to go to the wedding of the friend of their stepmother.

YABVU.

YABU. You need to teach your child to deal with disappointment. They aren't invited, it's a wedding.

How does it benefit his youngest child to have their father have to decline to attend a wedding their family has been invited to? They shouldn’t have to miss out on doing normal things as a family unit because their father has a complicated life involving previous children.

I'm pretty sure they know their own father. Or at least they did until he moved onto the next.

The wedding is one day. It's a two week holiday. If it's not his friend then he doesn't need to attend.

Discarded by someone they don't even know? Are you mad.

It's not even the dad's friend whose wedding it is.

The amount of people who are okay with this is outrageous. Those poor older kids have basically been discarded.

If oldest and middle child lived with him, even if they still didn't know the bridal party- He would need to take them as well. Just like he would need to take them anywhere he goes so they aren't left home alone. Not living with a parent doesn't make the child less of their responsibility.

If I was going to my friends wedding, with my husband and our child, no, I wouldn't want to take another two women's children with me.

Depends on a lot of things i think. Is wedding in half term? Are friends his or his partners? Is his youngest a baby/toddler? Does he expect you and the other mum to refuse to allow him to take them so long?

I wonder if he'd be going without any of the kids if he could manage it

Sorry to say this is the norm. my kids have a half sibling. I'm not with their dad anymore but he rarely has them all together

We have 4 children between us a shared ds plus my dh two children and my eldest. We have done a mixture of holidays the majority we take all the kids however we have been away twice with just the youngest as nursery age and during term time also my eldest was away for one of these with school. Once with just my 2 as holidays didn’t match (3 kids had 3 different term dates) my dh has been away with just his daughter and has plans to go away with just his son.

On a weekly basis I would say elder kids get more one on one time due to lifts being required/hobbies and shopping trips the age difference means it’s often easier for one of us to stay at home with the youngest.

We approached it honestly and openly and all the kids accept that there are different schools/homes etc and it’s not always possible to make holidays work with all of us but we make sure to spend quality time in other ways.

If I were you I’d be telling my child they can’t miss school like their sibling can and it’s not a holiday the wedding will be a big and boring portion. Make out like they aren’t missing out at all, you might not like it or agree with it but don’t let your feelings spill over.

And it will ultimately upset his youngest child if they are never able to do anything with their dad as a family - such as attend a wedding that the family are invited to - because his other children’s mothers think he should decline anything which their children haven’t also been invited to take part in. It’s just the reality of this sort of family set up, you can rarely please three entirely different families simultaneously.

I think it’s okay under the circumstances. If they were just going on holiday, maybe not. But they are going to a wedding that presumably your dc haven’t been invited to.

I take one of my dc on holiday from time to time and not the other. Sometimes it’s just not suitable because they are different ages, and it’s nice to have one to one time with each of them. I’d expect dad to organise a holiday to have one to one time with each of the older ones though.

YABU. The older 2 aren’t invited as they don’t know the couple getting married. Your ex p is basically a plus one to the wedding of his partners friend and obviously they have invited their child but not yours (because they don’t know them)

Its term time, their child isn’t in school yet

Makes sense to me

YABU. The child’s mother is taking them and her husband to her friend’s wedding, who the older children presumably don’t know.

Exactly!

As everyone has mostly said it's not the father's friend that would be different. It's the mother's she brings her child and his father .it's nothing to do with your child really

It's not hurtful for a child not to be invited to a wedding of a person they've never met. It's also not hurtful for a child not to go on a holiday they are legally not allowed to go on.

I think YABU.

It's a friend of your DC's step mum and it's during the term.

I don't see why it's unfair.

Decent parents don’t make choices that are fun for them but hurt their children.