DD dad taking child he lives with on holiday but not other 2 children

I am on the other side of this. I have 2 dc and my husband has 2from his previous marriage. I work very very hard and when I go on holiday I want special time with my own dc. I have taken dsc but not every time. All dc need to know that they have time as blended family but there will also be times when they only do things with biological parents

YABU. His partner is entitled to go to her own friend's wedding with her own child, without having to invite two step siblings along.

He’s a twat to have 3 kids with 3 different mothers but he’s not doing anything wrong.He’s going to his partners friends wedding and they are bringing their child . I don’t know why you are so upset about it . That’s the reality of blended and separated families.

This...I'm thinking the child is going because their mother is invited. She is friends with the b&g.

But the kids don't know the B&G and vice versa, plus they haven't been invited to the wedding. It's perfectly reasonable for him to go as his wife's plus one, with her child

If stepmum is paying, say, half the cost of the holiday, would OP be prepared to pay half the cost for her DC to join them? Term time and no invitation to the wedding aside, unless DC’s dad is very well off and paying for everything, this doesn’t seem a reasonable expectation.

I think your ex is a twat to have kids with 3 different women. But in this particular case he's not doing anything wrong. He is a +1 at the wedding and his current wife is bringing their toddler.

It's step mum who is going to the wedding, taking her child and her partner. Your child is not involved nor invited, the only thing involving your child is that dad is on holiday. If that means your ex is not available when he's due to do childcare then you can arrange an alternative visit, or ask for payment from him for babysitters if you need to work.

You can criticise him all day long for having children with 3 different women, though women do have some responsibility not to have children with idiots. The wedding though is fair enough, when you decide to have a split family the children don't get every challenge nor every treat for both households, and you have to be clearer that fair is not always equal. Much better if you just cheerfully said "Oh but it's stepmum friend not dad's, that's why. Remember you're having a holiday to France this summer with me that new baby won't get."

Do you have any contact arrangements in place with the father?

I would imagine it's quite difficult for him (🙄) to have to deal with 3 different mums, making sure all his 3 children are treated equally but only the youngest has both parents. The slightly older 2 will probably always be treated differently and no doubt it all causes friction in their dad's household but that's his problem.

You're expecting a lot from the bride and groom to include all three kids - don't be so entitled

It's hard for children to understand why daddy does certain things, you (the other parent) end up torn trying to explain things to them to reassure them but at the same time trying not to slate the other parent. Been there! You become an expert in minimising things so they don't get caught up in it. It's heartbreaking. My DD's dad is a narcissist and despite us putting 100% into protecting her mental health above everything, she hasn't come out unscathed by any means.

My best advice is - be thankful that your DC gets 'short' holidays with her dad - less opportunity to be affected by him. Don't feel put out that your DC doesn't get the opportunity to travel 11 hours away for 2 weeks on a blended family holiday.

No doubt his new relationship will go down the pan if it hasn't already x

YABU. It's his partners friends wedding. Nothing to do with your DC.

I don't get this whole "don't treat kids differently" idea anyway. My sibling got 2 abroad holidays (to compete) and one parent took her and the rest of us stayed at home. You don't see me crying about it as a near 40 yo.

Is the wedding in the carribean by any chance? lol I’m afraid it’s how the cookie crumbles. Another reason not to enter blended families

Well you'd be assuming wrong. I don't have any exes and my husband certainly doesn't have any other families.

Your response was assinine. Basically he should fly to the destination wedding but then abandon his partner to attend by herself with the toddler while he occupies the two other kids.

How is that somehow a reasonable solution? It’s completely batshit. I can only assume your ex does things with his new family you are bitter about.

If you're going to keep responding to me then you should read my posts and you'll know my answer.

So what happens to the kids while the dad and his partner are at the wedding? Who do you want to look after them?

Yes. It’s fine for two of his kids to not be invited yo the destination wedding of a couple that don’t know them. And which they cannot attend anyway because the wedding and trip are in term time.

(It’s fair to argue he should do something with his other kids at a separate point. But you are arguing he should not be going on this travel with his current family which is unreasonable.)

And to be clear he is not “taking one of his kids overseas”. He appears to be a plus one. The toddler would be in attendance with their mom who is invited.

If he let his partner and toddler go and he stayed behind would that be fairer?

So what happens to the kids during the wedding?

You ok with him leaving them alone in a hotel room?

It’s not a two week holiday. It’s a destination wedding that they have added days to.

This is deranged. How have they been “discarded” by not getting an invite to the wedding of their step-mom’s friend?

Where have I said that they should go to the wedding?

Imagine the brides face when two random teens turn up at her wedding because it wasn’t fair to for her friend’s new partner’s previous children not to come.

We'll have to agree to disagree. I don't think it's even remotely okay to take one child abroad for 2 weeks and not do the same for your other two.

So he can never do anything with his new partner and their friends if the DC from previous relationships aren’t invited?