AIBU to speak to parents or school about this?

for clarity, I disagree that this has anything to do with British culture.

It’s old-fashioned, sexist nonsense but to suggest it’s ’anti-British’ is a stretch and some might believe it is dog-whistle Islamophobia.

All schools are required by law to promote the fundamental British values of:

• democracy
• the rule of law
• individual liberty
• mutual respect and tolerance of those with different faiths and beliefs

Explain how wanting a child to only play with other children of the same sex is at odds with any of these values, to such an extent you are bringing Prevent into it - intended to identify those at risk of radicalisation, extremism, being drawn into terrorism and the like. You are making yourself sound utterly ridiculous.

If (big if) this child’s parents have actually said they want them to only play with children of the same sex then that’s up to them. You can disagree with it, but it’s no different to disagreeing with bringing up a child to be vegan or to believe in a particular religion. I wouldn’t expect school to insist a child complies with that parental preference while the child is at school, but I wouldn’t expect school to do much to stop it either.

The only reason I might bring this up with school is if it’s resulting in my own child being treated unkindly, other children refusing to be their partner or my child was being excluded from their friendship group - at that point it’s reasonable to ask a teacher to intervene, in the same way they might in any other bullying type situation. But I wouldn’t be bringing prevent into it.

As someone who has actually had to make Prevent referrals as part of my job, I can wholeheartedly assure you that this is not sufficient evidence for a referral. Nowhere near.

I disagree that it’s part of British culture anymore than any other culture. Boys’ schools predate girls’ schools because it was only deemed necessary or appropriate to educate boys in any great numbers. Once educating girls became a bit more acceptable, they were kept separate and the curriculum tailored to the different sexes.

The hangover we see today of segregated schools is because the most prestigious schools tend to be historically segregated. Where is the evidence that parents choose these schools because they want their boys segregated? I would assume any educated parent of boys would be aware of the studies that suggest boys often do better in mixed setting - but choose the single sex school because of other reasons (prestige, history, connections etc).

But again, I don’t agree that segregation of education is an inherent part of British culture, beyond the usual historical misogyny that is the same the world over.

You keep referring to single sex education for girls. In my example I referred to single sex education for boys, which does not improve outcomes. This is very much part of British culture and appears to have no educational benefit, so presumably is chosen merely because parents want their sons educated exclusively with other boys. Which is also sex segregation without justification, and arguably also rooted in historic sexism that said boys needed a different (superior, more academic, more physical) education than girls.

I hope you’re joking. This would be a terrible waste of limited resources.

FFS, they are kids, four year olds at that. Stop looking for trouble it's not unusual.
Report if you must, but I think you are a idiot looking for trouble.

Sex segregation is not ‘part of British culture’.

Segregation in some school settings, whilst historically rooted in misogyny, does have a positive benefit for girls’ results.

You are incorrect when you suggest the OP’s situation and sex-segregated schooling is ‘based on the same principle’.

The OP is suggesting that an often misogynist religion / cultural background has led to her child not being welcome to play with a female friend.

That is not ‘the same principle’ as choosing a single sex school to improve your girls’ educational attainment.

I’d suggest the OP’s situation is (in their mind, at least) almost entirely the opposite principle. What with the Abrahamic religions (or the cultural interpretations of them) all having varying issues with women, and all.

And if despite it being explained by myself and another poster, you can't see that my point was that sex segregation of children is part of British culture and therefore not, as the OP claimed 'anti British'; and if the nuance of something being based in the same principle, despite not being identical in every regard is beyond you -well you too have work to do before you try to patronise me.

They're going to laugh so hard at this, they may even stick it on the office wall.

You agree that this falls under prevent referral criteria? You seriously think a four-year-old is being radicalised and is at risk of terrorist activity based on the fact that OP's own (very young) child said that this child said that his patent said "girls play with girls and boys play with boys". As if they don't. As if it means that parents prevented them from playing together. As if it means that the little girl is now going to plan travelling to Syria... Seriously!

im struggling to see what the issue is? if DS is in reception we are talking what 4 or 5 years old at best are you sure they have actually recounted the story correctly.

and even if they have, which i doubt, if the other parent really wants their child to only play with the same sex as them, whats wrong with that?

Make sure you don’t get the bacon crisps that have no bacon in, though.

And be sure to remove any trans stickers, amirite, ladies??

You could also consider sending your kid in a white hood for book day. Although I guess you’ve probably burnt all the books by now.

You’ve made a referral based on something your reception age child said someone in his class says their parent said?! One of my children at that age told their teachers and friends all kinds of garbage that they’d either totally misconstrued from what I actually said, applied what I said to a different context or just flat out invented stuff in their head.

Even if the reported comment was accurate I’d say it was hardly a prevent level issue, but given it’s hearsay of hearsay I think you’re ridiculous. Just pass on your values to your child and encourage him to play with whoever he wants to.

No, I don’t agree that telling a kid they should only play with people of their sex is against British values or anything other than stupid nonsense.

There are plenty of studies that show that single sex education is better for girls (but worse for boys), especially when it comes to STEM.

If you can’t see the difference between the first, entirely arbitrary opinion on appropriate friendships and the second, evidence-based choice some parents make on schooling, that’s for you to work on.

Please don't waste the school's time with a second hand report from a 5 year old of something another 5 year old has said! Even if this does turn out to be actually the girls mother's sentiment, you will sound at best unhinged at worst racially prejudiced. As a number of previous posters have suggested you don't have to be Muslim to be a misogynist!

You have a very long road at school ahead of you.

As others have said, it’s a very old fashioned viewpoint, but not uncommon in the UK. What specifically drew you to their religion (was it mentioned?) and strong words like “segregation” - sounds like they're in a mixed primary?

Ah, ok, I didn’t read it that way.

I agree and add that the little sexism I’ve encountered around young kids (not a lot - progressive London borough) has been from all sorts - definitely not seen it more from Muslims or any other faith than I have from white Brits.

arcticpandas
"What you can do is send your son in with some bacon crisps and lgbt stickers to share."

Well you could do that if you were an idiot.

I agree with you but unfortunately noone dares to deal with islamic fundamentalism. What you can do is send your son in with some bacon crisps and lgbt stickers to share.

Seriously - do not say anything to anyone! There will be plenty of shit to speak to the school about, over the years your kids are there, but don't make THIS a thing! Because it isn't.

Don’t be ridiculous! Of course you don’t report this to anyone!!

For starters, you’ve heard this third hand and it’s passed through two 4 year olds before it has gotten to you. It may be that the parents didn’t actually say it that way.

And secondly, just tell your son that it’s not true and he can play with whomever he wants and move on

God if I had to report every nonsense thing my DS’ friends have said to him at school I would never have the time to do anything else

I really don't know what you would be reporting. Lots of kids will say they don't want to play with the opposite sex. We don't even know the child's mum said this!
If the child is saying this in school then it will be addressed by staff.
Children can find all sorts of reasons not to play with someone, I had to speak to some boys recently for saying one friend couldn't play as only boys with hats could play 🙄
I think you are focusing on the religious aspect when many non religious people share similar beliefs (boys play with boys, boys play with boys toys and definitely not dolls).

This is why people think MN is bonkers.