First Mother’s Day

It’s just a day. Have your own Mothers’ Day the weekend after. You won’t have the SCs, flowers will be cheaper and it’ll be easier to get a table in a nice restaurant.

Why does your mum now want to be celebrated on Mother's Day, when she wasn't bothered before? It's like she wants to steal your thunder, particularly if she expects the mother of a small baby to be doing all the work and waiting on her hand and foot. I would definitely tell her to postpone her visit.

Come on don’t be a martyr
say no to your mum, I’m not sure why her wants are more important than yours.
dp can surely get up and leave you with breakfast in bed before he takes dd?
or he can make everyone a nice lunch when he gets back.

dinner - are you saying he literally can’t cook anything at all? That’s a bigger problem for another day, but can’t he even just get a big tray bake from Costco or something and some cake or something you like for after. Or M&S over Costco if budget allows. I don’t think it’s £200 dinner out or nothing.

Take ownership of your own life, OP. You've written the day off as a bit shit and it's not happened yet.
Speak to your mum and say it's not a great weekend for a visit and could she come the week after? Just because she's asked to visit it doesn't mean you have to say yes.
If there is no alternative (there is) to her visiting, buy in solutions. Cook sell vegan options - buy something that even your OH (seriously, he needs to learn to cook!) is capable of putting in the oven. Can he manage buying things in a supermarket? If so get him to buy some nice pastries, fruit platter, juice, coffee etc so he can make you breakfast in bed in minutes before the sport.
Don't fucking tidy up other people's mess on a day that is about celebrating you. OH can do that when everyone is back, like you would on father's day.
Playing the martyr benefits no-one, especially you. Set your baby a great example of assertive, confident behaviour.

I know you are disappointed but it's life. You are still a daughter and motherhood is constant. Do something the previous week. Its quieter and cheaper. Personally I hate Mothers Day. It's commercial and unnecessary pressure and cost. Do a casserole for your mum and spend quality time with her. This is my first mother's day since DD has become a mother and my own mother has died so feel a bit odd tbh!

No reason why your husband can't make a simple breakfast in bed, toast and a cup of tea. Along with a card and chocolates or flowers (or both).

If you don't want to cook go to the supermarket before the day and buy nice luxury bits for a picnic lunch, quiches, french stick and salads and stuff. Then tell husband he has to clean it all up because it's mother's day.

Order an Afternoon Tea in.

Why should another parent have to get involved? The whole family don't have to go, the Dad can just take his child. Even better if he takes all other children if he wanted to give his partner some quiet time.
I don't see why someone else should take responsibility for him choosing to have a lot of children and his partner suddenly realising that this means she might not get the special things she wants. Surely as a step mum she would have known she isn't number 1 priority.

And this ⬆️

This! ⬆️

Can another parent take you stepchild to his match?

I'd put off your Mum too.

You have every right to feel disappointed. A first Mother’s Day is special to some people and this shouldn’t be minimised. For some it’s quite a difficult journey to actually become a mother in the first place.

I agree with others that you should ask your Mum to postpone her visit and outright tell your husband he needs to take the lead with his children because you want to focus on spending time with your baby and enjoy the day - It doesn’t mean you can’t be around them or enjoy their company, it just means he can do the more heavy lifting for the day.

Motherhood can be very hard and you absolutely deserve to be celebrated. I hope your day turns out better than you’re expecting. If it still looks like it’s going to be a stressful day is there a chance you could take your baby out for the day instead, maybe to an aquarium or somewhere similar?

In UK, it's part of the church calendar and not just a made up thing like father's day. It's tied to Easter and is always the 4th Sunday of Lent. Easter is a moveable feast because it's governed by the Lunar calendar, so some years it's early and some years it's later, which means Mother's Day moves too.

No it's not. It's something like the 4th Sunday of Lent. In 1983, Easter was very early. Good Friday was 1st April and I got married on Saturday 2nd, therefore Easter Sunday was 3rd April. Because Easter was early, Mother's Day had happened on 13th March. Everything around Easter is moveable.

You have your Mother's Day the weekend before. (If it's the weekend after it won't get done.) My first Mother's Day, I was unwilling to share it with my mother, but I wanted to spoil her. I made sure my husband spoiled me on the Saturday instead! You can't have it both ways, you have your SC there, so you choose if it's a family day or all about you. I'd do both by taking the previous weekend if I were you. Let go of the preciousness of the date.

I think you're being a bit precious. Your partner already has a (quite large!) family, he has a significant commitment, so this type of priority 'clash' is likely to be your normal.

Because it’s always a Sunday? There’s another reason but I fin’t remember.

I agree with other pp about changing it to the following week if it’s not possible to have it properly on the actual day. You’re a grown up, it’s a bit unrealistic (and precious) to insist it be that day when you have your dh’s other children to factor in.

Mother's day, when you have young children (step children or biological children), is down to their Dad.
Your husband should be giving you the Mother's Day you deserve as the mother/ step mother of his children. On that day it is not up to you to run around looking after everyone else.
Tell your Mum you have plans for your first mother's day so can't accommodate her and make plans with her for another weekend. Her happiness isn't more important than yours. Set the precedent now.
Mother's day has always been very low key for me, that's the way I like it. I don't expect loads of presents but I do expect someone else to cook, do the running around etc. Even now when all my children have left home I still don't cook.

He's a grown man, parent of 4 kids. If he can't cook, it's about bloody time he learnt! He can start with a Roast In A Bag chicken from the supermarket, ready made roast potaties to chuck in the oven, and some veg. If he's totally incompetent he can even buy gravy.

Tell him he needs to work out his timings before he starts. First time roast dinner cooks often don't know that. He's got a good coupld of weeks to get his backside in gear about that.

If your mum wants to come and stay, buy a nice plant-based meal from Cook or something similar for her. There's no need to go out.

Generally, as long as you get a cuppa in bed, a card and a bunch of daffs you've done well for Mother's Day. With 4 kids, it's never going to be a quiet day focussing on you.

Your 'D' P is a parent of 4 children.

So what if he finds cooking stressful? It's a cross we parents have to bear 🤷‍♂️

No it isn't. The clocks going forward is always the last Sunday in March. Mother's Day is linked to the Church calendar - the fourth Sunday in Lent.

Easter is late this year so Mother's Day is late.

I am incredibly explicit about what I want for Mother's Day, starting with a lie in, coffee in bed, breakfast in bed, then at some point a gin and tonic and my fave crisps and a roast dinner. I will purchase the breakfast, the crisps and the oven ready roast (potato gratin, microwave carrots and m&s roast that basically you put in the oven for what it says on the tin. I don't care when this is celebrated but that's what I want, and I don't want to have to lift a finger. If I'm so inclined I might help but I reserve the right to be a complete diva on the day.

So I'd say do all the kiddie bits on the day and your mother bits and the following week have your diva day.

Because it needs to be a Sunday.

You could plan nice boys for you around everything else going on. First of all tell your mum she can’t visit on Mother’s Day, there’s too much else going on.

I don’t know anyone with a small baby that isn’t awake by 9, get your DH to make a nice breakfast for you to have in bed with baby while he takes all the kids to the sports activity. You could either then meet them all for lunch or he could bring them back for lunch.

How long does it take him to drop the kids home? Still time for some fizz and nibbles at the end of the day?

Yes. 👏
Many times before this poster made and is making a lot of sense.

OP, stop putting yourself out.