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Original poster

Is it ever ok to message the OW

242 replies

Dorothyy · 10/03/2025 10:49

So my partner and I split last year and within weeks he was with this new woman, obviously part of me believes it was going on before and they used to go out together frequently whilst I was at home looking after our children (not on their own but as a group of colleagues) I feel so stupid as I did question it at the time and she was just a friend apparently. I had a few wines the other night and stupidly messaged her just asking when this started, obviously didn’t get a reply

OP posts:
Memorableone · 10/03/2025 15:38

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Memorableone · 10/03/2025 15:37

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Original poster
Dorothyy · 10/03/2025 15:37

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That really wasn’t the case

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Original poster
Dorothyy · 10/03/2025 15:36

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well either way he never had it before. Just wanted to make sure it wasn’t passed onto me

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Memorableone · 10/03/2025 15:36

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Memorableone · 10/03/2025 15:34

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SerenaSemolena · 10/03/2025 15:33

I don't know why pp are questioning the op's motives.
If I were cheated on, I'd be livid. They're both scummy, guilt (and herpes) ridden cheats.
Wishing you well, op.
Hope you're happier without him xx.

MargoLivebetter · 10/03/2025 15:33

@Dorothyy do you mean he has cold sores? You said they were on his face, not his cock - is that correct? Cold sores aren't really an STD. You could be tested for herpes simplex (cold sores) and it come back positive but about 70% of the population carry the virus anyway, so that wouldn't really mean anything.

I'm honestly not sure what you are trying to do or achieve here. What is it you want from the OW? I think you need to step away from this mess and focus on yourself and the DC.

Memorableone · 10/03/2025 15:31

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Memorableone · 10/03/2025 15:31

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Original poster
Dorothyy · 10/03/2025 15:30

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Yes

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Memorableone · 10/03/2025 15:28

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SadCarpetMess · 10/03/2025 15:28

One of the harder things to accept is that you'll very probably never know the truth. Even if you were told the truth, how would you know? Would you believe it? Or would you just disappear down a rabbit hole of second-guessing and over-thinking?

Much better to focus on moving your own life forward and getting to a stage where you can accept that it doesn't even matter any more anyway. It's very liberating to be in that place.

Original poster
Dorothyy · 10/03/2025 15:26

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Because he as convinced he has caught this rare form of herpes from a zoo abroad that you can get from Monkeys but after the swab it just confirmed normal herpes. I don’t even understand why this is the highlight of the conversation

OP posts:
Tandora · 10/03/2025 15:25

OP don’t feel bad about messaging her!!
you are only human. The only reason I’d say don’t is because of the impact on you- otherwise who bloody cares? Sounds like something- at least an emotional affair was definitely going on- it’s only been a few weeks. They both did you dirty. Don’t feel ashamed, you’ve done nothing wrong xx

duvetday0006 · 10/03/2025 15:25

Going through this just now @Dorothyy I know how you feel. Just a few weeks after and he has been shagging another woman in our bed. A bed I will have to sleep in when me and DS move back and he moves out. I have no idea who it is. I totally understand the curiosity. When in public I look at anyone my age or under, if a younger girl looks at me for too long I’m convincing myself it’s her. Don’t beat yourself up and know that you deserve so much better than this 💐 what you did is natural. Who’s to say I wouldn’t have done it in your position. Try to delete any trace of this woman from your phone if you haven’t already so it doesn’t happen again.

sending lots of love to you. Better days coming for us both ❤️

Memorableone · 10/03/2025 15:24

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2catsandhappy · 10/03/2025 15:23

I absolutely get it @Dorothyy
Years ago, my ex worked abroad and was seeing someone. I knew from the phone bill, the credit card purchases and because he stopped his routine phone calls to me.
So one night I used the house phone to call her number. There was a time difference so I was sure he would be asleep with her. Nobody answered. The next day he phoned me absolutely raging. Shouty sweary fuming.
I spoilt his story of him being single. Now he had to explain me to her.
Do I regret it? Nope.

Memorableone · 10/03/2025 15:23

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Original poster
Dorothyy · 10/03/2025 15:23

Anyway it’s irrelevant as after she seen the message I sent she accused him of sleeping with me and that has not happened

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Original poster
Dorothyy · 10/03/2025 15:22

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Because the doctor diagnosed him with herpes

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Memorableone · 10/03/2025 15:22

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Original poster
Dorothyy · 10/03/2025 15:20

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After…as he asked me what the sores on his face were

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CautiousLurker01 · 10/03/2025 15:20

MorrisZapp · 10/03/2025 14:42

Again with the MN sexist 'karma'. Wouldn't karma be the new GF cheating on the ex husband? Why prize the man while devaluing the woman? 'Comeuppance' sounds like something my granny would have said, she was the most sexist person I've ever met.

Men are 100% responsible for their own actions.

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And if we aren’t being sexist, so are women …