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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I'll be a bit of a "loner" for the rest of my life?.

79 replies

Isitameproblem · 10/03/2025 08:25

I go through phases, but clearly I like the idea of having friends but not the reality.

I ultimately find friendships complicated (or maybe the only two that I have are), I have no real desire to use my free time to meet new people, and I work remotely so I don't have the daily interaction.

It doesn't help that I've moved quite a bit, (moved the UK 16 years ago) and have worked remotely for the past 13, so I really haven't had the chance to meet anyone through work

OP posts:
GoldStar2 · 10/03/2025 09:12

Are you happy with things the way they are?

But this is the question you haven’t really answered?

If you’re not happy with the way things are then changing it is going to take effort. It’s hard. New friends and social support doesn’t just drop into your lap as you get older.

If you’re not happy and did want to change it then there are two parts to it. One is looking at why you have difficulties with relationships and that might involve accessing some sort of counselling or psychotherapy. The second is the practical side of meeting new people which might involve joining things (Meetup, other local activities, online friending) or making more of existing connections.

But if you’re ok with things as they are then you’re probably not going to want to do that.

Original poster
Isitameproblem · 10/03/2025 09:00

Well that's the thing I don't think anybody really understands me that's actually geographically close to me.

When I had a cancer scare, almost divorced my DH, and my DD basically got herself into tons of trouble, I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone IRL, yes I remember crying to both of my other friends who are still back home, but it's not like they can come and give me a cuddle.

I find the two friends that I have not necessarily judgemental (well one kind of is), but I don't feel like I could empty my soul to them so to speak.

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 10/03/2025 08:36

It’s not up to anyone other than you to manage your social life.

Plenty of people enjoy solitude and are very self sufficient. If that’s how you operate then go for it.

What I would say though is that it’s important to have a couple of close friends who understand you and can give you a bit of perspective on your life. Particularly if you’re in a family setup.

You don’t say if you have a SO or children. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you only need your spouse: lots of women do this and end up trapped and alienated in middle age.

You don’t need to be a massive extrovert but some external contact is worth trying to cultivate.

Ace56 · 10/03/2025 08:29

As long as you’re happy OP, then there’s nothing wrong with being a bit of a loner. Are you happy with things the way they are?

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