To think I'll be a bit of a "loner" for the rest of my life?.

The NHS is really a post code lottery. I have had pretty poor care but friends have had life saving care. I vent to DH but it is not a subject I raise in public.

Immigration is another hot button topic. I am second gen and DH is first gen. I dont talk about this except to very close
friends. It's a deeply complex issue.

In today's times I think most people want light, fun conversation. Things like cancer scares might be best saved for therapy ( and yes, that too is v hard to access).

So make your friends somewhere other than the school gate? Which is just a random cross-section of people who have children aged between 4 and 11. Who are unlikely to be receptive to you fulminating about burning down the NHS, ‘crying wolf’ antisemitism, and the UK being ‘decadent’ and not offering ‘quality of life’ — have you noticed that everything you’ve listed as an ‘unpopular opinion’ is negative?

It may be less that people don’t agree with some or all than that they don’t want to stand listening to diatribes. It’s draining, like listening to Mad Malcolm from next door complaining about the buses not running on time and his gammy leg. Especially if, as your child says, you also make faces a lot.

If you feel strongly about these things, find a way of getting involved in activism, which may put you in the path of kindred spirits, or consider going to live elsewhere, if the UK makes you so vocally unhappy? Is there nothing good that you feel strongly positive about, for instance?

From your posts as a whole, it sounds as if you haven’t ever gone out looking for like-minded friends, and your negativity and inability to make initial small talk are putting off the few people you do meet. DH’s niece’s longtime boyfriend would say similar to you , but the real reason he has no friends is that he sees other people as there to be an audience for his self-congratulatory monologues. He has zero interest in anyone else.

I’ve moved a lot, and one of the first things I do anywhere new is look around me for ways to meet the kind of people I like. Obviously sometimes you’re disappointed, or someone you like isn’t interested, and some places are richer than others in terms of potential friends, but if you want fruends, you will have to put more effort into it, and be more interested in others, rather than complaining about ‘masking’.

Is your health care free in your home country? Maybe fly those 3 hours for private treatment instead of flying home?

The NHS has given wonderful treatment to so many people who could not have otherwise afforded private. To be honest private can even fail, and has done for a family member of mine, with huge misdiagnosis, which resulted in a prescription of an incorrectly prescribed medication they should have never ever been on in the first place.
I'm delighted I don't live in America with scam insurance companies, and people dying rather than go to hospitals to accumulate huge amounts of debt. The NHS has been deprived of proper funding for years, hopefully this is slowly changing.

Hmmm..
I am an ethnic minority too. I have some unpopular opinions but I don't always reveal them. I dont see that as masking.

Most political issues are quite complicated, and maybe can't be discussed entirely in a book club or at the theatre. I would look for better venues to discuss those. Maybe a Meetup that discusses current affairs?

I socialise singly because DH is an introvert and his job drains him. He'a happy that way though.

Pay for private than, problem solved! Leave the NHS to the rest of us who appreciate free healthcare. You're derailing your own thread here, or is your aim to make it political under the guise of something else?

I enjoy my solitude too. I work from home. I only seem to know men where I live! Three women friends all moved away.

As long as you're happy, op? This is all that matters. Some peoples social metres get fuller quicker than others, and that's okay. Socialising can be draining and exhausting. Some hate their own company, others like it, and some can be anywhere in between. Everybody has their own "normal." You don't need to conform to society's expectations of what is acceptable. Do what suits you.

There are unpopular opinions and then there are offensive opinions. There is no need to share every single opinion that’s in your head, very few people do. As it’s anonymous on here why not write what you think would be unpopular, try us.

To meet people for any form of lasting relationship means casting your net far and wide. In 6 walking groups I have joined over the last few years I have made 3 really good friends. There were plenty of ok people but we socialise out of the walking group. Am about to introduce husbands and then in the summer my mate who has a newer BF we will be off to the cricket together

As long as it’s a choice, and a choice you’re happy with, then cool. Are you looking for approval from others with this thread? Can’t tell.

This x 100.

@Isitameproblem "I know it's very normal to try and mask according to the circumstances but, what's the point of it really?"

do you mean the sort of normal "oiling the social wheels" so to speak? So the general bit of formal politeness that you need when you initially meet people?

I am currently doing the meeting people thing and I can really see that people find this frustrating. sometimes you can literally see them at the moment where they switch off and give up and can't do it anymore.

I'm actually quite good at it, but I seem to have become an oddity. Which is weird because it makes me feel even more isolated, the fact that people don't have basic social skills anymore. Or maybe they always had them and now they hate using them and they don't feel that they have to hide it anymore? and then I wonder why I bothered to go out and meet people! How @Lentilweaver is coping with putting lots of time into it - I take my hat off to you.

I think you need to really think about whether or not you need to do this. But if you don't actually want friends, I'm not sure why you would put yourself through it.

No friendship is going to arrive 100% ready cooked - so you do have to go through a bit of that in order to find a match, so to speak.

btw you say your current friends don't respect what you've been through. How does that show itself?

So then don't? I don't find most people frustrating or annoying. Some, yes.

Oh and you are not unusual in not talking about your DC. I don't ever. I talk about books, theatre, film, heritage...

That doesnt make me ND! I never mask. I find people who share my niche interests.

Honestly, we need to let go of the idea that everyone is ND if they don't want to talk about their kids or drink or do mainstream stuff.

Xpost StillLifeWithEggs :)

It might be that you have some sort of neuro diversity going on as well. Good luck whatever you decide.

But why do you have to ‘be someone you’re not’? Why and what are you ‘masking’ — are you saying you’re neurodivergent?

The issues you describe are major. I think lots of people would turn to professional help to really bare their soul about deeply personal problems, and turn to friends to help distract from them or take a break from ruminating about them. As I get older I appreciate superficial friendship more - a quick coffee or dog walk, going to the cinema or having lunch, and using that time to relax and have a laugh. Heart to hearts can burn through the energy in a friendship and make it burdensome, so I rely on counselling for that sort of thing.
Would you feelbetter if you had more casual local friendships? People yo just relax with, nothing too deep, but actually very valuable.

If you want friends you need to work at it like a full time job. I do.
I have also moved around a lot and several of my close friends have moved away or emigrated. I also WFH.
I have joined about 5 clubs ( Meetup, Fb) and I am constantly putting myself out there. It takes time.