To think that people who say “money doesn’t matter” always have money?

One of my grandparents used to say if you can't save up for something you shouldn't buy it. Would give me a telling off if my fuel gauge indicator went to red because that's all the gunk in my tank going through the engine.

And there I was, a full time student barely able to run a car in the first place being lectured by someone who bought their 2 bed semi detached house for £15k.

Not sure if my grandparent was trying to talk down to me or educate but it feels ghastly now looking back at it.

They died with a suitcase of money stuffed in their wardrobe whilst sitting on lounge furniture that was falling to pieces because it was too good to throw out.

I'll die a happy man if I manage to give all my wealth away before I chuck it.

I only really know a few really rich or well off people and they are miserable with their money. I've heard family complain that a curry from the take away is now £8 and just cringe.

That will never be me.

I've been very very poor. I'm not rich now, but comfortable.
Being able to take a nice holiday now and then makes me very happy. Being able to pay my bills makes me happy. Being able to buy the food I like and not really have to care too much that the prices are rising weekly, makes me happy. (other than a general moan about prices rising weekly!). I could go on with many more examples.

So hell yeah money buys happiness. A more accurate saying would be "money doesn't solve all problems". Because it doesn't. But anyone who is struggling financially right now would instantly feel happier if they had some sort of windfall (barring any tragic circumstances). I'd feel happier if I won the lottery! As I could then retire early and enjoy myself.

Poverty grinds you down. Even the happiest poor people would still be able to be happier with money. Because they're happy despite being poor, not because of it. They still have all the worries about paying for daily life, no matter how well they deal with it.

Ah, you see, I think that’s the people who say this are usually the people who are shameless about borrowing money or getting someone else to pay. They often forget their purse or don’t quite manage to get a round in.

People who are rich usually know they are lucky.

Of course money helps to an extent, even if you're not actually happy - if I had to be miserable I'd prefer to be warm, well-fed and miserable rather than cold, hungry and miserable. I'd prefer to be unhappy with a roof over my head than unhappy and homeless.

It's still nonsense. Money can heal relationships, or make it better that theyre not healed, because it can pay for therapy and treatment, it can pay for a million things to take your mind off it?

Sure a rich broken person would probably prefer to be a broke normal person, but if you're broken either way, rich is sure as shit better than poor.

I grew up poor, now I have money. My parents worked their arses off to give us as much security as they could and instilled in us all the importance of being able to pay your way, keep something back for emergencies and remembering there is no free lunch - whatever anyone else says.

Everything is easier to cope with when you have money to make real choices and you have a secure roof over your heads.

IME the only people who insist otherwise come from comfortably off backgrounds themselves but want to pretend otherwise.

I agree! It's easy for money not to matter when you've got no worries about paying bills.

It does not have to be black and white though.

• What matters: being able to pay your bills/rent/mortgage and have enough to build up some savings and have enjoyment in life.

• What does not matter: chasing money to buy designer clothes, a bigger house or car just so you can feel better about yourself and feed your ego; stay in a job you hate just because it pays very well or marry someone just because they are wealthy.

Basically you need money to live well but you don't need to be motivated by money only or let greed dominate your life.

Look at how many women are trapped in relationships where the partner is a high earner and they have nothing so can’t afford to leave. Is that money buying them happiness? Absolutely not
Doesn’t that prove the point that if the woman had access to funds of her own she could afford to leave the bad situation and create a peaceful home for herself elsewhere?
Money doesn’t buy love or health, but it buys options and gives security, which is always going to be a superior situation than being trapped and insecure.

See also: money can't buy happiness....yes it fucking can. no it really can’t. Look at how many women are trapped in relationships where the partner is a high earner and they have nothing so can’t afford to leave. Is that money buying them happiness? Absolutely not.

Look at the number of wealthy celebrities who have more money than they can spend and who lurch from one disasterous relationship to the next.

There is surely middle ground between money is everything and not having money is nothing.

Financial security absolutely is important, and everyone should be in a position to be financially secure.

But equally it’s not money that makes you the person you are. And neither does money prevent people from suffering loss and bereavement and going through emotional hard times. Or do people think that if they’ve got money they’re not affected?

So they can afford better care and the funeral and the treatment. But the very fact that they clearly don’t get any sympathy or empathy from those who don’t have the money to buy these things just isolates them more.

My ex DH is on a 6 figure salary. We could afford holidays and expensive jewellery and a big house, but I was miserable.

Now I earn £23k and while sometimes it’s a struggle, the superficial that is money genuinely isn’t important. That doesn’t mean that money isn’t important, it clearly is. But financial isn’t the only kind of hardship that exists, and it’s frankly just as narrow minded to think that money is everything than it is to think that it isn’t.

It’s about whether you have the basics covered. I’ve never had “money,” really. But I’ve been 30k in debt in a mouse-ridden rented flat and that was especially miserable. I am debt-free now and the absence of debt is …good. I live in a nice modest terraced house with a small mortgage that I can afford. I earn about 30k a year, and DH only slightly more, but it covers the basics. If I had more money I’d go to Waitrose more, and go on foreign holidays instead of a wet week in Wales, but I don’t think I’d be any happier than my current level of no debt, roof over head, everyone fed.

We've experienced financial difficulties when DH was made redundant. We were really struggling and our credit card debt was growing. It was so stressful and sucked the joy out of every day. 15yrs later we are earning more than ever but find it difficult to spend after struggling so much, most of it goes to investing in our future so we can never struggle again. Being financially safe is our goal but we need to learn to balance it with fun stuff so life doesn't pass us by.

I work in Finance so can see how important money and cashflow is to businesses, governments and employees.

I think a lot of people without money say this too. They say it when they have seen or experienced wealthy people with difficult lives. Miserable families, illness, bereavement. They would rather be poor than have those struggles, and speak like its either/or. They are confusing the idea that money prevents misfortune (it does not) with the fact that every misfortune is made easier by money. You don't grieve the death of a loved one any less because you're rich, but you're in a far better position if you can afford to bury them.
Its also a social control message to make people feel more satisfied with their lives. If financially disadvantaged people really dwelt on what they don't have and the injustice behind it, and how much better their lives would be were they not at the rubbish end of wealth inequality, there would probably be rioting in the streets.

Absolutely agree when it comes to financial security. Being broke isn't romantic or virtuous.

However when it comes to people who are already affluent but who still only think in terms of acquiring more, judge others in material terms and are stuck in this awful "keeping up with the Joneses" mindset - at the expense of doing anything for the good of society, or even thinking about society at all - those are the people who need a big dose of "money doesn't matter" home truths.

Money can pay for more and better therapy though!

Money only ‘doesn’t matter’ if you have enough not to worry about it.

I’ve been on the bones of my arse & now I budget carefully but I always know my bills will be paid & my cards won’t bounce. The difference is enormous.

It can pay for therapy or rehab, it can buy private healthcare or home help, it can pay for house modifications and a better diet. It can pay for alternative treatments. It means you don't have to force yourself to go to your shitty job when you are having a flare-up or allow you to go part time or even retire early.

See also people who say they would never bother with another serious relationship, whilst they themselves are in a secure loving, relationship.

Yes I agree op.

I just paid for a private GP appointment. I am significantly happier and 'weller' than I was two weeks ago.

Yep def, as someone who's never had much. I don't want to be rich just comfortable. I'd much rather have a world where everyone has financial security and a reasonable standard of living than one with billionaires and extreme povery. If I had an extra 25 to 30k a year, i'd feel to much more relaxed and happier.

Yes, when I was young, my family was relatively wealthy and I thought money was no big deal. But when I grew up and started working, I felt that money was the last straw that broke the camel’s back.

I agree. Money buys choices. It makes grief more bearable. I think it's better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable. But far better to be rich and miserable than poor and miserable.

Agree. Having a parent dying. and expected ,is even worse if absolutely no financial security

i think what they mean is that money can’t make childhood trauma and depression go away, it can’t heal relationships, it can’t make someone whose wounded function healthily. A rich broken person would rather be a broke normal person