Should I cancel elopement plans?

I don't think your sister should be allowed to control when you announce a pregnancy or get married. Two months between the two weddings is plenty of time.

If youre not wanting a huge fuss, do the elopement and tell everyone a year later! At least they'll know the right date (apart from the year)

Well you broke the golden rule of elopement by telling someone. Now you’re paying the price.

I agree with PP. Just elope, but keep it to yourself until Christmas or something. The problem is, DSIS is likely to ask you whether you’re going ahead and you will have to decide whether to lie or not.

I’d have no problem my sister getting married the same year as me - I just think what the OP is planning has a significant risk of hijacking’s the sister’s reception which I don’t think is fair.

It seems a bit odd that the OP has managed to ‘accidentally’ draw attention to herself during her sister’s significant milestones twice. I have to wonder if part of the reason the sister is upset is because the OP makes a habit of this.

As your updates suggest this is out of character, and she was originally fine with your pregnancy announcement, I would suspect that her being upset actually has nothing to do with this and that maybe there’s something else going on. Maybe the wedding planning is stressful and she’s a bit resentful that you will get the excitement without the stress. Maybe every time she talks to anyone about her wedding they say they can’t wait because they’re looking forward to seeing you/can’t wait to meet your child. Maybe when she talks about it someone always jokes that your partner will propose to you at the wedding and that’s been winding her up. Seeing as you live so far away, it must be hard for you to have a gauge on whether there’s anything else going on that might have led to her exploding at the idea of this. It also probably doesn’t help that because nobody else knows, nobody can talk her round.

See I don't get responses like this at all. Clearly there was a reason she told them that week and the baby might have been late etc. But why can't families celebrate 2 lots of good news at the same time?!

Seems like people are firmly in one camp or the other and what we can deduce from this thread is that you don't know how the other person will react.

Personally I would have no problem for my sister to get married the same year as me or tell me she was pregnant when I was due. All happy news as far as I'm concerned!

If you announced your pregnancy at the first family gathering to meet your dn then I could see your sisters upset but otherwise she's ridiculous and as long as you don't announce your marriage at her wedding that's also a non issue.

Probably easiest not to tell her and if you tell your parents ask them not to mention it.

So the first time you see your extended family after the elopement will be your sister’s wedding? Edited to say: You may not tell anyone - are you sure the family you ‘discreetly notify’ will do the same? It only takes one person with loose lips and the entire extended family will know.

I’m fairly sure your family will want to congratulate you so you will effectively be hijacking her reception for yourself. Are you planning to offer to pay for half? Not that I think that would make it OK.

The only way I think this is reasonable is if you don’t tell anyone about the elopement until after the wedding.

BTW, I would feel differently if you weren’t eloping. Nobody gets to book a whole year and if that was the case, your family would get all the attention to you well out of the way prior to your sister’s wedding day.

It’s completely overblown and dramatic! As someone else said, it smacks of main character syndrome

Just get married and don't tell anyone until after her wedding

This is ridiculous. I can't imagine anyone I know caring that someone else has announced their pregnancy when they've just had a baby. Surely people are too focused on their new baby to give a shit about pretty much anything anyone else does. The joy of a new baby is having a baby, not being the centre of attention for six weeks (six weeks! -wtf?!), but even if it were how a pregnancy announcement could overshadow an actual baby being born is beyond me.

But if she lives far away, this is probably also her only opportunity to see her family for a while.

People who are worried about thunder being stolen need to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them.

My wedding was the first time half our family got to meet a new baby, who was three weeks old at the time. I'm sure that was more exciting for most of them than me getting married. Did I care about the baby stealing my thunder? No. Because I'm an adult.

i've lived away from home since I turned 18, and I've overseas been for over 7 years.
Is it really an elopement if you live on thr other side of the world from family? Not just a small ceremony where you live?
Who are you eloping from?

Well, I can only answer for me and I think it's all so overblown and dramatic. Maybe not announce a pregnancy at a wedding but families quite often use these sort of occasions to exchange news.

Usually I am firmly in the you have a week before of your wedding to be upset about big announcements and that excludes births.

However here @PlumHiker you live away from your family and I would suspect the first time you will see them and extended family after the elopement would be at your sisters wedding. Due to this you would get a lot of congratulations and perhaps even some cards and presents. I get why sister doesn't want that to overshadow her day.

I also feel you could have waited a bit after the birth of your niece but I also get why you chose not to. That one I get both point of views of.

If I was you I would do the elopement but wait to announce until after sisters wedding (and a bit more than a week after)

This is silly. 50 years ago I knew twins who got married within 6 weeks of each other. No one thought anything of it at all. Babies got announce whenever. Why is everything such a drama?

I normally have little sympathy for the "stealing my thunder" argument and I couldn't care less about the pregnancy announcement on the week of the birth as the birth massively trumps the announcement. However I do see your sister's point of view on the elopement, only because there is a high chance that people treat her wedding as also being a celebration of your wedding. I can envisage father of the bride mentioning it in his speech, lots of relatives congratulating you and your new husband, possibly giving cards and gifts etc and because they didn't have a reception for you possibly someone saying it is to celebrate you too. Could you do the elopement but not announce that you have until way after her wedding?

Let's be serious an elopement is never going to overshadow a big wedding

Just don't tell anyone you got married for a few months. Why would you need to tell people as presumably you don't want any attention, you just want to get married quietly.

She's your sister...she should be happy for your news.. Is she usually such a diva?

I think there might be a backstory here, also it depends how you announced your pregnancy

Were you the favourite growing up? Or did you compete for attention. It could be upsetting when your sibling is the favourite and anytime something happens to you, your sibling makes an announcement and everyone's attention turns to her.

Before I get accused of being a bridezilla, my sister (who was the favourite as children) had been engaged for years and got married 2 months before me. I had got engaged and booked my wedding within a year, but I didn't mind at all.

And how did you announce you were pregnant? Was it the first time everyone met the baby, and did you give your sister time to answer everyone's questions and be the center of attention for a while, or was it as soon as you sat down? That would definitely feel like usurping her moment.

I'm pregnant and we told someone, and they quickly announced they were also pregnant (2 weeks behind), and then they asked me once about how I was feeling, but quickly cut me off and started speaking about themselves. I found it really rude tbh. They only ask questions now to find out what will happen to them at their next appointment, like I'm the font of pregnancy knowledge at 15wks lol.

Why on earth were you irritated that your BIL got married on your wedding anniversary? Did you think you’d bagsied that date in perpetuity by virtue of getting married on it, or something?

No. Not this.