Should I cancel elopement plans?

I agree. Maybe the OP had been waiting for her sister to have her baby rather than announce it earlier as she had clearly done with her partners family.

If I'd just given birth and my sister announced she was pregnant, I'd be over the moon! So happy to think of these two cousins, close in age, growing up together. I'd be excited and want the whole family to share this excitement.
It wouldn't cross my mind that my sister had somehow stolen "my moment". When I had my babies, I never felt like this was my time to get attention and glory. I was just happy to have my babies and see the joy they brought to the wider family.
I feel exactly the same about weddings.
I don't understand this craving attention and not wanting other family members to get any attention.

Don't be ridiculous! Her PILs had been told so I assume that her parents would have been upset if she waited another 6 weeks to tell them, particularly if she had already started to look pregnant.

YANBU and I honestly don’t understand why you sharing that you’re pregnant week of birth would have been an issue either?

The point of eloping is to do it quietly without people knowing. If people know, it’s just a small wedding they’re not invited to. I don’t think there is an issue with doing it two months after her wedding, the issue is that you told her.

I also think the announcing pregnancy the week she gave birth is a bit 🤔like, you couldn’t give them a week to be the centre of attention?

edited to add: just re-read it and sounds like the elopement is two months before their wedding? Yeah, you’re definitely coming across as unreasonable, like you’re trying to get in their first.

God forbid that the OP doesn’t shift her plans to marry and conceive a child to a more convenient time in the family news cycle. I mean, both of these things are deeply ordinary things to do, and siblings of roughly similar age will often be doing them around the same time.

Are people actually thinking the OP is going to rock up in a white dress and veil at her sister’s wedding and try to muscle into the official photos as an ‘extra bride’ or something?

This is weird to me. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to be upset about this or to not share the good news (whichever side of the pregnancy I was on). Goes to show how different everyone is!

Just elope and tell everyone a year later. Its not like its something people actually need to know, it's not a declaration that the relationship is more serious at this stage, and noone is going to make it an event so it's basically just a bit of paperwork and legal protection. Get it done and then tell people another time, maybe when you're next visiting after the wedding visit.

I agree that it’s insensitive and stealing her thunder because of the geographical distance involved. Presumably, your sisters wedding will be the first time you see your whole family post getting married yourselves? So everyone will also be saying congratulations to you both when they see you there. I can understand why your sister would feel a bit put out by this.

Especially on top of the poor timing of your pregnancy announcement.

Have your elopement quietly. Don't tell anyone at all before. Share the info with anyone who needs to know, after it has happened.

When it has been at least a year since your sister got married (and hopefully your #2 baby is safely arrived and old enough for this to be practical), make a plan to travel to somewhere that is reasonably accessible and affordable for the majority of your friends and family and arrange a party there (specifying "no gifts please your presence is present enough) to belatedly celebrate your union.

Don't postpone. The fact of being married is an important protection and frankly your sister's attitude is ridiculous and bridezilla, but given that you want a quiet elopement anyway it's easier to adapt your plans to accommodate her selfishness than to stir up the agro of challenging her.

I can't see the issue with announcing your pregnancy after she gave birth. If it was my sister she'd be delighted for me!

It doesn't really matter what everyone on here thinks. What matters is: how important it is to you, the fact that it will cause hurt to your sister, and whether or not it's worth it to you to carry out your plans knowing how it might impact your relationship with her.

I can see why she’s frustrated, you didn’t tell your family you were pregnant at 12 weeks, you waited a while and then video called them a week after your sister gave birth. You chose to wait until that very moment so your sister probably raised her eyebrows and then dismissed it. But then you’ve turned around after 15 years and told her you’re getting married just before their wedding so alarm bells are now ringing for your sister. I can’t say I’d be overly bothered but it’s true, you are stealing her thunder over 2 very big life events. Surely the whole point of eloping is the secrecy? Perhaps tell everyone the following year if you really need to.

Surely the first rule of elopement is that it stays within the eloping couple!

But what she’s communicating is totally unreasonable. She’s saying ‘Don’t protect yourself and your baby legally by getting married quietly with two witnesses on the other side of the world in case it overshadows my big wedding two months later’.

You are horrified that her sister couldn’t bask in a new mum hubbub???? What are you…12?

Tbh I thought the point of an elopement was that you wanted it to be quiet without fuss, so it's shouldn't be an issue to wait on the announcement. Whether she's reasonable or not your sister has expressed it would upset her if you announced you were married a month or so before she has her big wedding, possibly because you live fast away so it'll be the first time you see a kid if possible after your marriage. You say you're close, so I guess you wouldn't want to knowingly upset her, just do it and don't say anything for six months. Maybe wait until Christmas and just casually drop into conversation that you got married earlier in the year.

I think she wants to be the centre of attention. I’d just do it and not say.

You've been together 15 years and decide to get married two months before your sister? you announce your pregnancy the week she has her baby?
I can see why she's a bit miffed.
If you're close maybe give her feelings a bit of consideration.

That is you and your reactions. Ops sister feels differently. If sister has felt she was overshadowed by op a lot in their life then this may feel like a step to far for her.
As sister is paying for the big wedding I understand her feelings. Op claims she is close with her sister and I suspect would like to remain close with her after. If so I would hear sisters feelings on this.

People will react in different ways to others as they have had different experiences. Even op and her sister likely growing up in the same home had different childhoods.

I don't think sister is being a drama queen as many claim her to be. She expressed her feelings to her sister well in advance of both weddings and way after their children were born. Communication is the way forward here.

I thought she was joking tbh.
I'm struggling to see the problem.

Your sister is an unreasonable drama queen.

Go through with your quiet, low key wedding.

Although I'm tempted to say you are also unreasonable by banging on about "eloping". I hate how that word is now wrongly applied to almost all small no fuss weddings.

Selfish?

Stealing her thunder?

Fuck me. Nowt as funny as folk.

Or maybe the whole family only comes together like this a few times a year - given they are not in the same country - so unless she announces her pregnancy after the baby’s born, because the next family meeting is 6m later or announces that she and DH are married on their 25th wedding anniversry (oops, won’t be able to do that either will she?!) … when is she supposed to announce it?

Why can’t she have her small, private wedding ceremony (no, it’s not an elopement) in her own country and let her parents know TWO MONTHS before her sister’s wedding? It will have blown over and been long forgotten before the sister’s big day.