Should I cancel elopement plans?

In that case I see no issue with the timing of the pregnancy announcement. It didn’t make the birth of your sister’s baby any less special.

Honestly, threads like this are like another world. It wouldn’t cross my mind to be anything other than thrilled if my sister announced her pregnancy shortly after I’d had a baby. Good news on top of good news, what’s not to like? Likewise the marriage.

It’s all extremely odd- as if getting married and having a baby are primarily things you do because you want lots of ATTENTION.

I wouldn’t change my plans at all. Your sister sounds like a fruitloop and even if you did order your life as she ordains you’d inevitably end up doing something wrong anyway, maybe giving birth the week she had had a minor promotion or buying a house the same week she had a fringe cut. Who can be dealing with that?

This!

I feel for your sister and can imagine why it feels like you are trying to steal her thunder again.

Normally I don’t understand the overshadowing and stealing thunder thing, but if you are eloping, just do it and don’t tell anyone until further down the line including your sister (as you know her thoughts on it).

Re the pregnancy thing, I think it depends on when in your pregnancy you told them. If the 12 week scan coincided with the week your sister gave birth then fair enough, however I get the feeling that this might not have been the case…

Life events happen and people with main character syndrome need to get over themselves.

I fail to understand how the OP getting married quietly before her sister's wedding is going to overshadow the occasion.

I just don't understand this perspective at all. I truly couldn't care less about this sort of thing. I never felt I needed attention or glory when I made big announcements. The idea that no one could share good news if I'd just had a baby or got married, is completely ludicrous.

So spend her time at the sisters wedding showing family members pictures of her own wedding? That's the 'thunder stealing people are mentioning!
@PlumHiker are your parents the type to go..'oh Ds of plum we didn't get any family photos at plum's wedding so we'll get your photographer to do a mini shoot with us now!' ?..

TBH whenever I hear of someone getting married after having been together for decades i can’t help but think that it’s all just a business transaction anyway and so not really anything to get excited about.

you’re together, you have a child, nobody really cares at this point if you’re married or not, so it strikes me that you want to do this and make an announcement to overshadow your sister.

I’ve known three people who have got married after over a decade (and children) together who have strangely then been divorced within a year. Make of that what you will.

My sister found out she was pregnant about two weeks before I gave birth and didn’t tell anyone for a couple of weeks after precisely because they didn’t want to make it about them.

Would her wedding be the 1st time since you eloped that you see family? As perhaps she's a little worried people will also gush over you and your news? Which I can see would perhaps take away from her special day a bit. But even so is a bit precious on her part. Baby news bit can't understand.

How does this is impact the sister's wedding?

Do you both suffer from main character syndrome?

The thing is you could wait until after but then what if she gets pregnant will you be stealing her thunder by announcing your elopement

Just do it, presumably you're going to take a photo album to her wedding, if anyone asks on the day about your own just say 'oh was just very low key and private' which from what I'm understanding will be true

I think it is a dick move to be honest. And announcing your pregnancy when you did. You sound very self centred. If you want to elope you clearly aren't bothered about everyone being there or knowing so why tell anyone anyway. Just keep it all quiet.

OP, just wait a bit longer if you don’t want her falling out with you. You’ve been together 15 years already. Your sister obviously wants to one up you by getting wed first.

This is nuts. Go and elope and do what you need. 2 months before is not stealing anyones thunder but seeing as your sister is so precious and may be seriously wounded by such a hurtful action (!), don't mention it.
I'd have another chat with her though to see if she's come to her senses.
Pregnancies, births and marriages are part of most peoples lives. It's silly to think you have to be so, so special that your own sister can't announce her marriage in case it takes the specialness of yours away.

This. You want to be married before her don't you?

How bloody pathetic and childish is this 😂

I don’t understand the issue. I could see if you were having a big wedding, but as an elopement just the two of you and your baby, not an issue at all and your sis is being quite ridiculous. Do what suits you.

Why would a low key elopement impinge on her sister's wedding? I really don't get it.

As I read the opening lines I was like “oh god don’t do it before your sisters wedding!! unless you really want to fuck up your relationship!!”

personally I’d do it after her wedding even if that meant going to your special spot in October of next year.

equally your DSis is being extra precious…

Came here to say main character syndrome.

My BIL and SIL had a strop because my other BIL and his now wife announced their engagement (in a very low key, immediate family only way) three weeks before their wedding. Somewhat unsurprisingly, they have also had strops about other, even sillier things over the years, and clearly think the world revolves around them and their children.

I find it absolutely mind boggling that some people think that just because they are getting married or having a baby, everyone else has to put their lives on hold so they can be the centre of attention for a certain period of time.

There is no thunder to be stolen here. Getting married or having a baby does not involve any thunder (unless we're talking literal thunder because you got unlucky with the wedding). It's only a big deal to you, and maybe your mum. To everyone else it's just someone getting married or having a baby. Like, yay, congratulations, but no one really cares that much.

i think there is some weird psychological reason why you’re telling her these things when she’s got big things going on. I mean you’ve been together 15 years ffs.

I find this thinking bizarre. Why shouldn’t she announce a pregnancy?

She's being so ridiculous about it all that I would actually go ahead with my plans and literally NEVER tell anyone. Like, for years and years and years. Then one day it will inevitably come out ("yeah we're going to Vegas for our 25th anniversary") and someone will say "anniversary? Anniversary of what?" and i'd tell them then. And because I have SO little patience with this kind of BS I'd probably slip in "no, we never told anyone because DSis got married two months later and she didn't want me stealing her thunder at the time" 🙄🙄

Or you can be better than me and not be so petty. Just get married and have your babies and live your life. Honestly, what a load of nonsense.