Is the mum cross at my Dd for asking for food, would you be?

I find the idea of calling a six year old rude for asking for food utterly bizarre, to be honest. It just feels really old fashioned and quite mean, and doesn’t really show much understanding of how children are. I don’t think you need to be embarrassed, OP. Just have a chat with that mum, explain that your daughter is on medication, and offer to send snacks over with her. The other mum is probably skint and that’s why.

I’m sorry that people are being so unkind on here when your little one has clearly been unwell. It’s given me a not very nice glimpse of mumsnet yet again. I do think there is quite a small-minded, petty, moralistic little Englander tendency on here when it comes to “manners”. They seem to come with such an awful lot of moral weight and I find it a bit weird, especially when it’s about a child that has a clear medical problem.

Perhaps the Mom does not want your daughter around so much and her son around as much in your house, particularly if you are on a different page when it comes to parenting. Maybe take it back a bit. If he calls over ask him to go back and check with his Mom that it is ok to come around and play? I wonder does the Mom also feel judged by you.

Regardless you need to teach your daughter it is impolite to ask for food. If she is over in her friends house then she needs to pop home for something to eat. She should not bring snacks to the house. How is she managing in school.

I have my children's friends over quite a bit and am generally happy to feed them meals or snacks, but I do sometimes feel a bit irritated with kids who frequently come asking for more or for something different. It's partly about the faff of fetching snacks, partly about not wanting to burn through food for the week in one afternoon (some kids will absolutely demolish snacks given the opportunity), and partly because my own children would eat sweet snacks all day long given the opportunity, so I don't want it to become a free for all.

I have also told my kids ahead of play dates that I only want them to have what I'm offering, so not to ask for anything else when their friends are there. If they disregarded that I would be annoyed with them (my children, not the friends).

All that being said, even the friend who has been known to fetch stuff for herself from my fridge (which I definitely found irritating) is a lovely girl that I love to have come and play, and I would definitely not want her mother to feel embarrassed. In your case, I would imagine that's doubly so given that their child plays at yours very often. Don't fret about it, but yes, it sounds like a good idea to mention the meds to your neighbour and to re-iterate the message to you daughter that she should come home if hungry for more than what is offered.

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You still haven't said what happens when she is at school? Does she have constant snacks there?

It's all very well saying the child isn't being rude because they are just childen - it's our job to teach them what is acceptable and what isn't

And that can include saying "you can't go over this time as you were rude last time "

Yes of course it's rude to ask. She should wait until she is offered something. If she is so hungry that she can't possibly wait until the next mealtime she should come home for a snack.

Instead of all this conjecturing, just go round to her with a nice box of biscuits or something and apologise if DD has been asking for lots of snacks by explaining her recent medication change.

Your DD has clearly overstepped the normal boundaries- and asking to have what another adult is eating is kind of rude - and as the adult it's your job to explain the reasons for it.

Well, that would be pretty crap of that mum to do that in front of her child. I have all kinds of thoughts about various of DD’s friends’ parents, I don’t share them with her though.

Maybe don't keep sending your kid to another woman's house when you clearly judge that woman.

I don't think it's rude. I don't like children being labelled as rude though, children generally have no filter and say what they think so she obviously feels comfortable enough to ask for food. She's not meaning any harm.

However it probably makes the mum feel a bit awkward if she has certain rules around snacking and you need to understand that. I would definitely speak to the mum and explain about the medication thing and pack her some snacks she can take round. Or have the other child round your house more often.

Have you considered that she may be struggling financially?

I'd say the Mum is fed up of your DD begging for food. She has her own family to feed. It's downright cheeky. Poor little lad has probably heard his mother moaning about your DD pestering for food.

How does your child get through a school day OP?

DD is the same age and is like this, constantly asking for food when she goes to other people's houses, even though I always tell her not to, so your DD is not alone!

The other day DD was only going to a friend's for 2 hours, I gave her a snack on the way so she wouldn't need to ask. When I picked her up she'd had a jacket potato and baked beans as she had said she was hungry. I get quite embarrassed and apologetic but the parents assure me it's no problem.

I must admit I do find it quite rude when friends come over and constantly ask for snacks as well, but that's mostly my issue because I don't believe in snacks/ snack culture but that's a whole other discussion!

More than the neighbours kid who stays for 5-6 hours vs her 2-3 and often has snacks and even full meals?

No need for you to be embarrassed, OP. When DS was on steroids, he was ravenous 24/7. It really didn't matter what he ate (protein or anything else), he was hungry again as soon as he'd finished it. Some medications have this side effect; it's not within your DDs control. I don't think people who haven't experienced it would understand it.

Does the other mum know your DD is on medicaiton which makes her hungry all the time? If not, I would just go over and have a chat and possibly add that, if the snacking is an issue because she doesn't want her own child eating in between meals (or whatever the issue is), that's no problem, please ask your DD to pop home for a snack. Or maybe suggest your DD only stays there for an hour and then comes home.

I wouldn't send snacks, as that implies to the mum that you don't think her food is good enough; and it's rude for your child to eat in front of others who aren't eating (picking up on your point that your DDs friend isn't that fussed about food).

Personally, if I was hosting a playdate, I always bought extra food specifically for the kids to eat on the playdate; but not everyone has the same approach (or the money to do so). I also wouldn't mind if any of DS's friends asked me for food, especially if I knew they were on medication that made them hungry. The only think that does bug me is if a child asks constantly for food in a rude and entitled way (and this is not a dig at your DD), or snottily turns their nose up at what's offered rather than just saying something like, 'thanks, but I don't like strawberries.'

OP, I think you just need to go and have a chat with the mum. Explain about the medication causing hunger, and that you’ve told DD not to ask for snacks or to come home if she’s hungry, apologise for her asking. You could ask the mum if she’s ok to have the kids over (it sounds like she doesn’t want them there to be honest), but either way I’d stop allowing your daughter to go there as often. Not because of the snacking thing, and not as a punishment, but because it sounds like the mum doesn’t want the kids running around there.

100% agree with every word of your post @Everleybear

So many of my children’s friends ask for snacks when they come over, I hate saying no and so try and offer something but we struggle financially as it is and every snack or whatever they eat, is one less thing for us and our kids. We budget and buy just enough. So for instance if they eat the cucumber, that was my kids snack for school tomorrow and we can’t afford to replace it so they have no school snack or we have to take the money from elsewhere to buy it so short on something else if that makes sense. Maybe it’s a similar issue for the neighbor? Hope your daughter is ok x

She's six, I doubt she has any concept of what it means to be grabby!

I agree with this to some extent- but when I think about my Gran- who was healthy and active right into her 80's, she didnt' snack but she ate more meals and bigger portions than we do now, I think we eat smaller/less meals so we need snacks to fill the gap.
My gran would have had a 2 course breakfast- porridge and then eggs or bacon or something like that, then tea and a cake/biscuit, a healthy lunch, a large home cooked meal sometimes with a light dessert then something like cheese and toast later in the evening.

I agree, I think snacking has got out of all proportion in general, although in OP's case her DD is feeling hungrier than usual for a reason. But in general, it does seem as though people can't go five minutes nowadays without shoving something into their mouth. I often wonder how much of it is boredom-related (adults too, I mean).

Of course it's undermining if it's for your child not hers, you can't give one child a snack without giving some to the other, not easily anyway.

It sounds like the other mom’s struggling, & has problems of her own if she has family round to help her. I’d have the boy round mine & not send your D there again. Perhaps you need to sort the eating out, otherwise it will lead to obesity & other problems as she gets older.