Is the mum cross at my Dd for asking for food, would you be?

I was the child in this situation at the same age i lived in a gated close with 4 houses, i lived in one corner, friend lived in the other corner. We tended to play on the road in between, but when i was “hungry” id go to friends house - her mum made homemade flapjacks, my house the fruit bowl was on offer.

The mum said to me one day when i’d obviously pushed it too far did i not know the way to my own house - my response as the 6 year old yes i did but my house didn’t have flapjack.

The mums obviously spoke because i remember my mum making it very clear that i wasn’t to go for snacks at friends house again unless invited to do so.

(I did still continue to use friend’s house for the loo though as they had tiled floor and i wasn’t made to remove my roller skates when i went in :))

6 year olds know exactly what they are doing!

I wouldn't be happy with a child constantly asking me for snacks to be honest, we buy shopping monthly and we get enough to last the month for ourselves and our children so if I have another child always asking for things we would run out and cant then replace it until we do the next months shop, I wouldn't let my children to ask for snacks at someone else's house apart from family, you'd be better off telling her to come home if she's hungry you don't know the position they are in and might not be able to afford to keep giving her snacks that are meant for their own household

I think it's rude to ask for food in someone else's house - different if it's family. If one of my DC friends had done this of course I would have fed them and not said anything but inwardly would have definitely been thinking how rude.

I think the snack is the tip of the iceberg.

I am guessing the neighbours child is timid, unlike your DD who went ahead asking for snacks, after he said he couldn't ask.

Stop sending your child to play for hours, they are 6, they need some supervisor.

1 hour maximum. If they want to continue playing, he can come back to your home.

Otherwise it will come to a head. I think you questioning the family will cause more hassle than it is worth.

I’d pop a snack in DD’s bag/pocket when she goes round and send the mum a test along the lines of “DD is on some medication which makes her especially hungry. I’ve popped a snack in her bag so do remind her of this if she asks for food whilst she’s there”

"However, neither of you need to feel this way." Mine was such a short post and yet still you were unable to absorb all of it. 🙄

the little boy also goes to the OP’s house for hours. He is fed there. Does his mum ask how much her child has eaten or can explain why she is ditching her son at someone else’s house for 6 hours? Op, honestly, I would just limit the time your daughter spends at the friends house. I probably would stop sending here there. Even if your daughter was constantly asking for food etc, I wouldn’t imagine shouting or getting cross at a child like that. The mum could have come and spoken to you.

I would consider it rude if a child kept asking for food. It’s a good idea to explain to the mum about the meds and the reason why you are sending her with snacks

When Dd was younger we often had a child over who would graze their way through a weeks worth of DDs snacks in an hour.

I can understand why it's annoying for the mum to be asked for specific junk.

She will be overweight if she keeps this up. She doesn't need popcorn and crisps whilst put playing. It's very rude to ask for food.

I think it’s lovely that your DD has a good friend so close by, especially as she is an only child.
It’s also really nice of you to have him over, feed him and allow them to have fun running about, making noise and building dens.
What wonderful memories you are creating

When my son was this age, the only snacks I would offer between meals would be fruit.
He did eat crisps and chocolate as a treat and would usually have a dessert after dinner.

If he had a friend round I would offer more food and perhaps make up a little snack tray but I would get a bit irritated if they were asking for more on top of that especially as I would not want my son snacking so much.

She had fed them toast and strawberries so sounds like she was just telling her son off ( for the benefit of your daughter) for asking for more food on top of that.

I would ask the mum “Has DD been asking for snacks a lot at your house?
She is constantly hungry at the moment due to the medication she is on and is always asking for food.
I suddenly thought ‘I hope she isn’t doing this at your house, I would be so embarrassed.’”

And the next time you send her over, hand the mum a few healthy snacks for her.

It isn’t a big deal, my son is a grazer and eats little and often and would have felt no shame in asking for snacks at someone else’s house at that age, much to my embarrassment.

It's really not good manners for children to ask for junk food snacks at other people's houses and to then get upset when they are refused. Parents of other children who bring their own children not to snack on junk are well within the boundaries of their own families but also general good manners to decline to give junk food snacks to visiting children.

How is it ok to send a bag of snacks for her to eat if the boy’s mum does not want him to snack between meals (especially on crisps and popcorn) ? Is he supposed to happily sit and watch her munch it all?

And if the answer to that is that he can be made to understand she ‘needs’ these things, then she can also be made to understand to not ask, but come home.

This. Perhaps she'll need to play at home more.

I have to admit I feel slightly irritated when my children's friends keep asking for snacks, although, to be honest, it rarely happens.
I'd definitely contact the mum to ket her know about the medication. I'd also tell her I'll be sending snacks.

Maybe she is struggling financially, maybe she is embarrassed having to say no to your child. Send her with snacks.

Some families just don't do snacks between meals other than fruit. My family was one of them, and we knew not to ask. I imagine the other mother is the same way and is finding your DD a bit annoying asking for snacks. It may be that she doesn't want her DS snacking between meals, or may be money issues. Either send snacks with your DD, or tell your daughter to come back home if she's hungry between meals.

I wouldn’t want regular next door neighbour / after school playing to involve kids turning up at my house with crisps, popcorn or sweets to share or to eat themselves.

For lots of reasons: healthy eating , keeping an appetite for tea, crumbs everywhere, care of teeth etc

These kids are playing regularly, it isn’t a special occasion.

Maybe the mums fed up at looking after your child so much .
It's odd at 6 you have this arrangement which seems to be all the time.
Do you plan a time to pick her up or just say come home when you feel like it ?
If she is hungry you should feed her . At 6 she obviously needs more supervision.
Or you need to actually communicate better with the other mum. Given you are trusting her with your child so frequently

Considering it's a neighbour I don't understand why when your DD asks to go play at friends house you don't say you will go with her just to speak to the mum. I think you are overcomplicating things. Just simply knock on the door and ask if it's ok for DD to come round and play (as others have mentioned maybe mum is fed up of the drop in arrangement) and then say about the medication and hunger.

Is it ADHD medication she is on by any chance? I know a few children get the munchies on that. This might also fit in with her asking (and possibly pestering) for snacks and also mum wanting them to play outside and not in the house (unable to cope with her behaviours she might exhibit).

Absolutely do not send her with snacks.

This is not about the cost of a bag of crisps or popcorn, because you’ve said yourself he’s at yours more than she’s at theirs, so even if they had a very tight budget and snacks were part of their day (and therefore their budget), essentially they’d be giving your daughter the snacks they’d ‘budgeted’ for their son and he hadn’t eaten while at yours eating your snacks.

It’s clearly about their house rules, routines etc and sending her with snacks totally disrespects that. Nobody is saying she can’t eat, she just needs to come home to eat.

Also she shouldn’t be so specific - either she is hungry and the host decides what to bring, or she goes home. That would get my back up too, if a child was “demanding” a certain type of food, especially a treat one.

Well in this totally different situation, no, that's not rude, it's normal. Its totally different because this sounds like an invite/organised possibly by the parents event. So they made a decision that it's fine on this day for their dc to have junk. The ops dd is popping in univinvited (which everyone is fine with so that's not a slight, just pointing out the difference)

I’d send her with a snack bag. If she finishes them and is still hungry, she comes home.

Id also explain about the medication and say that’s why you are sending a snack bag (not that you think the other mum doesn’t have food)

Interesting that it was popcorn and crisps, not toast or a banana.

Not many parents want to give out crisps on demand throughout the afternoon. Or have their kids developing a snack habit or expectation.

Of course you are concerned because she has been ill and is on medication, but I would guess your Dd has spotted a leniency leading straight to crisps in this scenario, and is working it!

Roll back your own snack provision to healthy basic foods, and tell her not to ask for food at other people’s houses.