Is the mum cross at my Dd for asking for food, would you be?

I think it's great your child has this friendship in their street and that they can play in each others houses. And I do empathise she is on medication that makes her hungry.

But you're being unreasonable thinking the mum's attitude is strange, odd and needs to relax. She's already made your daughter toast and strawberries. She's quite entitled in her own home, to feel annoyed about being hounded for more snacks. I know your daughter is six and probably doesn't mean to be rude, the problem is it does come across as rude. This other mum already sounds she is being gracious, it isn't her responsibility to be constantly feeding your child on tap and giving in to demands.

Just because you like putting out snacks and don't have a problem being asked, it doesn't then mean other parents are wrong for not wanting to do this.

I'm really not sure why you've created such a fuss over this and are still dithering on what to do. All you need to do is explain to your mum about your daughters medication and that if she needs more food she can come home. It really isn't that hard to do. I wouldn't be sending a snack box either that she can't share with her friend unless you speak to the mum first. That I'd find strange and rude.

Haven't rtft. My daughter plays with neighbor almost every day. Initially when we first moved into the neighborhood I'd feed her snacks (and they'd feed my child), but on asking the mum, she confessed that it threw their eating schedule, as did ours. So instead now we just limit to fruit at each other's houses and if it's anything more we either send the kid home to get sorted or text the parent to confirm that they're allowed something more substantial. Just have the conversation 👍

Big difference between playing in each others garden out in the open and sending your DD6 into someone else’s house, whom you don’t seem to communicate with at all, all by herself.

We have a similar set up with our neighbours and their child is often at our house for hours after school/weekend. They ask constantly for snacks.. I don't mind giving out snacks but it does cause problems when it's 15 mins before my kids are due to eat their tea. Also I'm conscious that I don't want to fill their kid up on junk food before her tea! I'd have a chat to the mum to see what works best for them - either sending snacks with your child or sending her home when she's hungry

You seem to be basing all this drama on the words of a 6 year old. You weren't there to hear what the mum said and it all seems alot of fuss about nothing. Just because you choose to get in specific snacks and drinks for them doesn't mean the mum has to I made pizza and salad for the last play date my son had he went to the same child's house a few weeks earlier for a similer period of time and they had 1 small snack. Teach your child that it's impolite and she should wait to be offered or if she's hungry come home especially as you live so close

You clearly wanted everyone to agree with you, and they don’t.

Your update actually mostly answers your question anyway, although you don’t seem to see that. The other mum is much less laid back than you appear to be, about all areas. Therefore is it any surprise she doesn’t hand out snacks on demand?

We are all different. Anyone is welcome at our house, they have a blast and we definitely allow too much bad food on social occasions. One of my best friends is very, very uptight about what her daughter eats (think one single treat per day even when on holiday). I find it really strange but just accept we are all different. She would probably need smelling salts if a child wanted crisps after already having toast and strawberries and in between meal times. But how she feeds her child (and other children in her house) is absolutely none of my business - and in fairness to her she doesn’t police me being more lax when her daughter comes over here either! We respect the different rules in different homes.

As another poster commented, a medication that increases appetite should not be ‘managed’ by feeding her endlessly, FYI. Especially not crisps and popcorn. If anything, this would make me more pleased that the other mum said no to the request for crisps!

I honestly think your neighbour is perfectly rational to be irritated with being asked for snacks regularly, it’s totally on you to explain the medication situation and have a chat with her about how to best deal with it.

"With regards to Dd asking for food, I do feel embarrassed and have spoken to her, she was a bit upset about it. I do think the mum acting in a strange way tbh and she needs to relax"

You cannot have an opinion about the way the mother parents in her own home. Take it or leave it.

I'd prefer someone to have a chat with me, explain that their child was on medication that makes them constantly hungry and ask me to offer fruit if the child asks for snacks (and preferably offer to give some fruit towards it if it's often and constant), than for someone to send a child with a bag full of snacks. My kids only eat sat at the table in the kitchen and if someone sent a child with a bag of snacks that got eaten in a bedroom (with the resulting mess that's natural for 6yr olds) and shared with my kids so that they then didn't eat their dinner they'd be less welcome in future...

It sounds like she's finding it a bit annoying having DD constantly ask for snacks.

It's lovely that you are happy to get snacks in and provide lunch sometimes but maybe her financial situation or attitude to snacks is different.

I do sometimes offer ice lollies or biscuits to the neighbour kids, but I would find it a bit annoying if they were always asking. We don't really keep many snacks in our house anyway, and if I'm giving them out to other kids I'd then have to give one to DD who won't eat her dinner if she's eaten snacks.

Go talk to the mum. Explain the medication thing. Tell her that your daughter knows she shouldn't be asking these meds are new and you're still figuring out the whole constant need for snaking. Tell her that saying no is totally fine, but this way she can change her tone from annoyed to cheerier "not this time, sweetie". And maybe suggest that she should come home in between or spend less time at once there so she won't be asking for snacks.

I would just have them both at yours for a bit? She sounds not very nice to be shouting at a six year old for asking for snacks?! Surely a no not now is fine.

Ahaha. My DC's friends are always asking for snacks when they are at ours. I know the mums and I think we're all pretty liberal with snacks so it's not like they're going from a super healthy household to a sweet shop and going crazy, but I can see why the snacks at your mate's house would be better because they're different. 😃I always give them little snacks here and there, I usually do some treats but then move on to just a big plate of fruit and they bloody love it. One in particular always asks for mango because he knows this is the house that has mango. 😆

I sometimes get a bit weary of the pestering for snacks, so often after a bit I just loudly announce that the kitchen is currently closed. They're usually ok with it.

Having said all this, I think I would be a little bit embarrassed if my DC were always pestering other parents for snacks if they were visiting. But I do always send a little box of snacks (healthy and unhealthy) for them because we deal with low blood sugar issues a lot, so the DC do need to eat quite often or they will feel sick. So they get what they are given, if they are given anything, but if all else fails, there is always the snack box.

What is the medication?

YABU.

I would limit all play dates to a couple of hours and book a doctors appointment to see why DD is hungry after one hour of eating. Maybe different medication can be prescribed.

How does she cope at school if eating every 2hrs or so and fruit would be the snack at 10am at our school

does she ask teachers constantly for food or has it got into a habit at home ?

are you sure dd is hungry @Idliketobeamillionaire and not just using the medication as an excuse

eating a protein meal plus some carbs - she shouldn’t need toast and fruit straight after and then again snacks of crisps and popcorn

if you only offered fruit or plain toast would she eat it and ask again for the same

sounds like other mum has nice snacks which you don’t buy

is the medication for a long time ?

Bad enough that the neighbour's child is turning up uninvited and staying for 3+ hours at the weekend, now she's going to come armed with bags of sweets and packets of ham 😂

Maybe this is why 6 year olds shouldn’t be sent to neighbours houses for unsupervised uninvited play dates?

Sounds like the mum is sick of your child pestering not only her, but her son and now her daughter too for snacks! It sounds like they have nicer snacks than you and she’s become obsessed with getting them over there. You need to do some damage control with the mum asap, go and speak to her, apologise and ask her how she wants to manage the play dates going forward.

Unfortunately with nearly a third of children overweight this is not helpful. I'm not suggesting one snack at a neighbours will cause obesity, but constant snacking and diets high in UPF are significant contributory factors and I wouldn't want someone else feeding my 6 year old junk food.

As adults and especially women we are told and encouraged to speak up and ask for what we want, so why should a child be any different?

She was hungry, asked politely, and it was up to the mum whether she gave a snack. How hard is it, as a mum to just say "not now"

I haven't read the full thread but...

I would send DD with a snack to share for the whole household- a cake, packet of biscuits, punnet of strawberries or grapes, box of breadsticks etc.

We are past the age of playdates now, but when we had them I always did this. Similarly if I am invited to someone's house, I always take something like this.

I'd just invite the friend over more often so they can play without risk of being told off for asking for snacks.